AIBU to expect my children's Xmas play not to promote gender stereotypes

[Swimbikerun]

I fear I may be unreasonable in my expectations, and perhaps over thinking this. My DD is in yr1 and their class (girl heavy) has been split into 2 groups for the play, each half will do a dance. Half 1, all girls, are angels. Half 2 are a mix of boys and girls, and have been told they are nurses and doctors. My DD told me all the girls are nurses and all the boys are doctors.

I have phoned the school this morning to discuss this, they agree this is the case, but say the children were given a choice whether to be doctors or nurses, and think this is ok. I am worried that this encourages gender stereotypes and am actually quite horrified that they think they are reasonable.

I think they should say that all children are nurses, or all are doctors.

AIBU?

It's all these little messages that add up.

The school should be alert to this kind of stereotyping. There is so much they can be doing every day to ENSURE a drip-drip of positive affirmation for little girls before it becomes engrained.

Yes, the parents are of course responsible too, but gender stereotyping is EVERYWHERE our children look, from the Octonauts to billboards. Schools have a duty of care to combat this. The lack of women in STEM starts HERE, when little girls are bundled up as the nurses and not as the consultant gynaecologists at the nativity play (which is presumably what the doctors/nurses are doing in this play, or is it even more random? )

My DD, incidentally, came home the other day to proudly inform me that she has been allocated the role of TENTH ANGEL. She's thrilled.

They only chose what they did to he with their friends or because that's what they think they should be.

and

If their best friend is a nurse they will want to be a nurse.

Eh? Isn't that suggesting that you think all children are only friends with people of the same sex?

When DS2 got to Yr8/9 onwards and was choosing his options, fully intending to do nursing, a lot of teachers scoffed at him, thought he was messing about said to him "you don't really do you?'

It was all a great big joke to a few of them and it did annoy me after it went on months and DH and I were asked at parents evening if he really did want to be a nurse. The teens in DS2's class were better than some of the teachers tbh

Yep - I agree with you. It is lazy and something that would take 5 minutes to challenge - or head count it "nurse, doctor, nurse, doctor".. and so forth.
I had a class the other day of little ones discussing my name (I'm a Ms, purely as I don't think my marital status is anyone else's business but mine and my DH's), and when kids ask I'm always happy to explain.

The girls did say "well of COURSE she's married, because she had a baby!"

It's all stuck in there early on!

No I don't think they are only best friends with people of the same sex.

But alot of children do like to join in with their friends and what's nore likely all girls coincidently chose to be nurses or that they are already conditioned to think that's what girls and boys are.

If they grouped together as friends it's not implausible that one girls choice influenced another girls choice

It does seem old fashioned in this day and age. I'm not sure whether DDs' school has had boys being angels, but they have definitely been stars, and girls were shepherds and kings.

Hmmm, I don't think YABU to have an issue with it to begin with.

On their side of things they let the children make a choice.Maybe it was foolish of them to allow children to choose but it certainly doesn't appear that they are promoting gender stereotypes now so no need to still feel unhappy about it.

Now you've raised it with them though, I suspect they'll see this as a learning opportunity and maybe next time will ensure roles are assigned to challenge traditional gender roles.

If it happens again, maybe a more formal word needed. Other than that, I'd say it's probably done with.

I'm a software engineer. I do some work with the whole Women in Tech thing. Always I hear "but no women apply.." Of course they don't. The damage is done long before application. I was the only girl doing A Level Computer Science. I was the only girl who played computer games. I remember the boys always being treated as "the experts" at school on computers by teachers when I knew far more.

In the school playground people ask me what I do and I get back "Oh wow, I could never do that!" from very bright women sometimes. Is this was they're telling their daughters? I hope not, but perhaps subliminally they are. Newsflash - programming is not actually that hard compared to many other skills including ones filled with women.

This crap starts early and parents aren't even aware they're doing it. Schools should be more aware and have a chance to counteract some of it. It's absolutely right to call them on it.

When DS2 got to Yr8/9 onwards and was choosing his options, fully intending to do nursing, a lot of teachers scoffed at him, thought he was messing about said to him "you don't really do you?'

That's horrific.

I have unfortunately known many adults who think a man being a nurse is somehow humorous. But I would have expected teachers to have been trained better than this.

I think that far from being basically 'overcome', this kind of gender stereotyping is on the increase.

And it isn't only bad because it sets girls firmly on the road towards less power and status, and teaches boys entitlement. Though that is of course terrible.
It is ALSO bad because the more such stereotypes are enforced, the more a little boy who likes nursing is left with only one conclusion, namely that he must in reality be a girl (or at least, not a proper boy). And the little girl who really prefers to be a doctor because she knows that doctors are the bosses and she wants to be a boss, is lead to conclude that she must actually in fact be a boy (or at least, not a proper girl).

There are so many 'trans' threads where everybody professes everyone's rights to dress as they like, to 'like' whatever (pink, pastel, frilly, floral, ...), to pursue whatever career, to behave whatever way (demure, empathetic, ...)... ('...I respect your right to wear a dress if you want, I don't care what you wear really, but it doesn't make you a woman.') And yet on THIS kind of thread there are so many people who don't see the problem in the stereotyping.

What about the boys who want to be angels??!

I do agree though, that girls should have been encouraged to be Doctors, and boys to be nurses. Or maybe all to be Doctors?

What stereotype? 48% of gps are women according to NHS statistics. I don't see anything stopping women doing anything they want these days. Why do women continue to wallow in victimhood?

I think there are some valid concerns here. I think it's the children choosing that is a struggle. They aren't allowed to choose usually, and they couldn't choose to be a doctor/nurse rather than an angel ( or vice versa).

The Christmas play is always lovely, but this makes me feel uncomfortable.

Interesting to see there is a divide in opinions though.

Hello, can you explain tomehoe the comment about being married and having a baby is in any way offensive?
I don't understand.

I bet you are popular with the school and were the talk of the staffroom today.

YADNBU.

If there was a choice, my next question to the school would be "what are you doing as a school to sort out the fact that your kids have horrendously entrenched gender ideas by such an early age?"

YADNBU. Make a (bigger) fuss.

I agree that this is terrible. Sexist wallpaper.

I would be in raising the issue to the school as well.

You are so very lucky that this all you have to worry about

Katyppp only 11.4% of nurses are male though. So not just a problem for women.

I never said that this was all I had to worry about! Of course there are other things to worry about, but I was quite bothered by it.

I expect I was the talk of the staff room today!Sometimes that's just the way life is. I can't get overly bothered by that, I think It was ok to phone the school and ask about it. Perhaps it will be a talking point, it certainly has been at home this evening.

This would bother me too op.

Ffs - peole like you see or maybe seek to see problems and reasons to be offended in everything - get a grip its a school play for gods sake

It would bother me too, I think you’ve done the right thing by speaking to them. It’s lazy stereotyping at best, and so easily avoided!

Depressing. Lazy stereotyping. YANBU.