AIBU to expect my children's Xmas play not to promote gender stereotypes

[Swimbikerun]

I fear I may be unreasonable in my expectations, and perhaps over thinking this. My DD is in yr1 and their class (girl heavy) has been split into 2 groups for the play, each half will do a dance. Half 1, all girls, are angels. Half 2 are a mix of boys and girls, and have been told they are nurses and doctors. My DD told me all the girls are nurses and all the boys are doctors.

I have phoned the school this morning to discuss this, they agree this is the case, but say the children were given a choice whether to be doctors or nurses, and think this is ok. I am worried that this encourages gender stereotypes and am actually quite horrified that they think they are reasonable.

I think they should say that all children are nurses, or all are doctors.

AIBU?

Yanbu however I will say that i discovered that ds1 thought "nurse" was the name for a female doctor at about 6 - he had no idea that they performed different roles, let alone that one was considered lesser.

'Choice' is the key issue here. it's not really free choice, is it, when children are 5 years old and already are in no doubt about the gender roles expected of them. Schools should promote truly free choice by challenging gender stereotypes.

It's ridiculous to say it's fine because that's what the children chose. As pointed out, it's highly likely that they just went with what their mates said, and a lot depends on how the teacher presented it to them. If she'd just told them there would be a mix they'd just have accepted it - it's highly likely that a number of them have encountered female doctors and male nurses already.

Today 13:33 AppleKatie

I agree with you and the majority here OP. It is the job of schools to set standards for children and allow them to see the world differently. 'Oh they all wanted to be nurses' is lazy at best and really ignorant at worst.

WRONG. It's the parents!

This thread is embarrassing

I think it's fine if the children were given a choice. It is odd though that all of the girls decided to be nurses-I always Wanted to be a doctor during these kinds of games as a child (not that I always got my way but generally we ended up with only doctors and no nurses), in the same way that if we were playing dentist I would want to be a dentist and not a dental assistant/hygienist/some other less involved role. Medical family though so female doctors were the norm to me so maybe that's why?

Before I started school my go to toy was a dr kit, I called myself “dr Noni” and wrote prescriptions and everything. My first weekend from school I had my white coat on and stethoscope and my Mum said hello dr Noni and I said “I’m a nurse now, that’s what they said at school”.
It balanced out in the end for me but it was as quick and complete as that. Other kids said girls were nursers.

There are some really good phrases on here that I will use, if I decide to have further discussions with the school about this. The school will say that no matter what they do, parents complain.

I agree with you.

Tell them your daughter wants to be a neurosurgeon.

If the parents complain whatever then the school need to do what they think is right - which presumably is not reinforcing gender stereotypes.

O/T the only two named (arch) angels in the bible are male - Michael and Gabriel (and Satan of course)

Swizzlesticks- embarrassing, as in I'm making a fuss over nothing? Or that the parents should be embarrassed for promoting stereotypes?

Oh I remember thinking exactly the same BarbarianMum! My brother was in hospital as a baby when I was about three, and I apparently told a lovely male nurse that he couldn't be a nurse as he was a man. My parents were appalled, but I genuinely just thought he'd got the terminology wrong.

OP this would really wind me up too. What are they wearing, anyway, white coats and a stethoscope? Why is further differentiation necessary?

DD was complaining this morning that a girl is playing Gabriel, when everyone knows Gabriel's a boy. Not sure whether this represents positive positioning of girls in authoritative roles; or a lazy perception of angels as female! I told DD that angels aren't really boys or girls as they're not people, but DS piped up with "Well Gabriel at my preschool is a boy!"

But the children are 5!

DS2 would have chosen to be a nurse regardless of what his mates were doing because that's what he wanted (is) to do when he grew up.

I really feel sorry for teachers atm, they can't do anything right for doing wrong

YANBU OP.

I thought teachers were trained to be aware of this and avoid gender stereotyping?

Their mistake was in allowing them to choose. They should have been alive to this possibility.

Angels have male names in the bible, and male form in artwork - men wrote the bible and painted the pictures... but are beings without gender - they were created by God individually - having no need to be able to reproduce.

Thanks BeyondthePage, this is what I tried to explain to the DC!

Oh I agree Squirrels - it definitely doesn't absolve the teachers of any guilt when it comes to the fact they should have challenged it. I just mean that's probably where their motivation comes from.

Interesting. My wife is a nurse and so I would be interested to see whether my son (5),would have chosen to be a nurse or to be a doctor. He does already seem to have ideas as to male and female roles, which is odd because I am a SAHD and he has not been brought up in an environment where we have any what might be politely called 'traditional' roles in terms of the 'breadwinner' or designated household tasks. It would be nice to try and encourage boys to see nursing as a good career and not just a 'female' role.

My DS at that age would of chosen nurse..He had been in hospital and the dr's hurt him and nurses made them better.

It's ridiculous and not something they're born with either - the school really needs to sort this and split the roles evenly.

Swimbikerun

OP, have one of my very rare YANBU when it comes to parent/child/school threads!

I don't believe for one minute the children were given a 'free' choice.

Just a few years ago I was once playing with a 7 year old god daughter and we got out a doctor's dressing up kit - white coat, stethoscope, and clipboard. I asked her what her name was going to be. She said "Nurse Lucy". I said "Why a nurse? This is doctor's jacket". She scrunched up her face and said "But girls can't be doctors!" Holding my gasp in, I asked who told her that. "The teachers at school!" I told her they were wrong, we had a little chat about it and then I asked her to choose again. She "chose" to be a nurse...

Tragic.

YANB at all U.

Angels are neither male nor female. Says so in the catechism. IIRC. Doctors boys and nurses girls. That's not OK of course.

WRONG. It's the parents!

This thread is embarrassing

Er. You know what is really embarrassing? That you seem to think the school and a parent shouldn't be working together on social isssues. It's not an either or situation.

Imagine if it was?

Parents: you can do/be anything
Teacher: nope! You girl you nurse.

Kid