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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give a present back?

46 replies

LunarGirl · 21/11/2017 16:36

My brother has today given me my Christmas present early. He said he couldn't wait to give it to me and seemed so excited.

I absolutely love it, it's an item of memorabilia, I collect items related to it. I've since looked online to find out how to hang the item as there were no instructions and found it selling for around £250! I don't know how much dbro actually spent as he bought it from a store that isn't online but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have been much cheaper.

I can't accept it. We usually spend no more than around £40 on each other. I wouldn't even want DH to spend that much on me! I really want to get dbro to return it but DH says that would be really rude and hurt dbro's feelings.

Not sure what to do! There's no way I can get dbro a present worth even half of that. I know you don't give to receive etc but it just doesn't feel right to me.

OP posts:
Bringmewineandcake · 21/11/2017 16:38

You absolutely can’t return it. Yes he may have overspent, but it was his choice to do so and he was probably thrilled to get it for you.

monkeywithacowface · 21/11/2017 16:39

Don't give it back that would be extremely hurtful and rude. Your DB knew how much he was spending and obviously he was very excited to be giving it to you. I doubt very much he expects the same value spent in return.

I'm sure it's a one off expensive gift and not intended to set a precedent

SparklingSnowfall · 21/11/2017 16:39

Don't return it! If he was excited to give it to you, just be very grateful and accept it for the treat that it is.

StewPots · 21/11/2017 16:41

I would accept it OP. Ok, so you can't buy a gift for that amount back, but I'm sure DBro would be aware of that before he purchased it? He sounds lovely and obviously so pleased to find something you would love.

He wanted to give a "once in a lifetime" type gift but it's quite possible it was second hand or in a sale so might not have been that much?

I would keep it personally but I see your dilemma with the price. Maybe save for something similar for him over the years and "pay" it back that way?

scrivette · 21/11/2017 16:42

You can’t return it he will be devastated! He obviously put a lot of thought and effort into it, what a lovely brother he sounds.

swingofthings · 21/11/2017 16:42

Why would you return it when he made the decision to get it for you and was very excited at the prospect? Yes it would be insulting to return it and totally pointless. You would want to return it because you feel bad he's spend that much when spending that much was clearly worth it to him to see how happy it made you.

Instead, write him a note to say how utterly touch you are by his thoughtful gesture and how lucky you are to have such an amazing brother.

Justbookedasummmerholiday · 21/11/2017 16:42

He is your brother. I doubt he bought it so you return a gift of the same value!! Accept it and hug him instead!!

AllStar14 · 21/11/2017 16:43

This is lovely! He knew you'd love it and he was right, you cannot give it back.

EllaHen · 21/11/2017 16:44

Your brother already knows how much it costs silly.

How lovely of him to get you something you love.

Don't you dare give it back.

SaucyJack · 21/11/2017 16:45

The cynic in me says he gave it to you early so you'd have the opportunity to get him a bigger than usual present in return.

FreeSpiritJen · 21/11/2017 16:47

NO! Don't return it. ShockHe loves you and he wanted to show it by buying something special for you! Grin

As someone said, he knows how much it cost, and you don't have to spend the same amount of money on him, at all.

what did he buy you?

FreeSpiritJen · 21/11/2017 16:49

The cynic in me says he gave it to you early so you'd have the opportunity to get him a bigger than usual present in return.

@saucyjack

What would be the point in that? Why would he not just spend £30-40 on the OP, and save the £200 for the 'expensive' thing he actually wants?

StabbyBitchTheEvilWitch · 21/11/2017 16:49

I’m in the same situation but reversed this year. I have brought my brother something he will love & is also memorabilia. We don’t normally buy each other Xmas gifts but I couldn’t pass this up & am very excited to give it to him. I have even been sending him cryptic photos because I’m a wind up
I have already told him Iv got it so that if he wishes he could get me a prezzie too. I did tell him it was expensive but that I’m not expecting any thing from him and I mean it, he’s my brother & I wanted to treat him.
I would be

PleaseDontGoadTheToad · 21/11/2017 16:51

Shock Bloody hell don't return it! That would be rude.

Slydiad · 21/11/2017 16:51

Keep it! He found a gift that he thought his sister would love, and he was right! Don't take away the enjoyment he got from that and from seeing you happy!

It's fine to splurge once in n a while on a special gift for a loved one that they wouldn't get for themselves. Keeping the gift and letting him see you appreciate it is the polite choice in this case. It doesn't obligate you to spend an equivalent amount of money on his present. Something thoughtful but in your usual price range is perfectly fine.

Original poster
LunarGirl · 21/11/2017 16:51

I was worried you lot would say that.

I hate people spending money on me anyway but to spend that much is just crazy to me.

He was so excited to give it to me, I just worry that he maybe got carried away knowing I'd love it and splashed the cash before thinking about it.

He is lovely, and I'm so grateful. I don't know, just makes me uncomfortable.

OP posts:
blueskyinmarch · 21/11/2017 16:52

He will be gutted of you give it back. He sounds lovely to have sourced something for you that you love. My DB is a tight arse who has never bought me a Christmas or birthday gift ever. You are very lucky!

FreeSpiritJen · 21/11/2017 16:53

@stabbybitchtheevilwitch

I have already told my brother Iv got it so that if he wishes he could get me a prezzie too. I did tell him it was expensive but that I’m not expecting any thing from him and I mean it, he’s my brother & I wanted to treat him.

I'm confused.

Why?

I mean, why tell him it was expensive when you don't even want anything back?

PleaseDontGoadTheToad · 21/11/2017 16:53

You don't actually know how much he spent on it though. He may well have bought it in a sale or second hand so there is a chance it would have been cheaper.

Clawdy · 21/11/2017 16:54

No way would I return it, that would be very hurtful. Is there a possibility he has managed to get it somewhere at a cheaper price? I would probably tell myself that.

Aria2015 · 21/11/2017 16:55

Don’t return it! Sometimes people do break the budget to treat someone to something they know they’ll love. The fact he’s been so excited to give it to you just shows how confident he must have been that you’d love it and by the sounds of it he was right! Half the pleasure will be seeing you so happy so don’t take that away from him. Also don’t feel like you have to spend loads back. Just make sure he knows how much you love it. Maybe send him a thank you card with a photo of you posing next to your gift with a huge grin!

AnaWinter · 21/11/2017 16:56

It is extremely rude to return a gift. Accept it with gratitude.

Original poster
LunarGirl · 21/11/2017 16:57

It's completely possible he's spent a lot less on it, I know where he got it. It's a department store so I don't think they sell second hand but DH just pointed out it could have been ex display as it came fully assembled. I shall tell myself that and enjoy looking at it on my wall!

OP posts:
DoublyTroubly · 21/11/2017 16:58

If there were no instructions in the box, it may well have been second hand or from a friend. Can you do something special for him in return? X

Mamabear4180 · 21/11/2017 17:00

I hate people spending money on me anyway but to spend that much is just crazy to me.

Why? Do you not deserve to be treated? It's not crazy at all, look how happy and excited he was! It's love, not crazy. Let yourself be loved OP.

Do not return it, he would be very hurt.

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