To not want to stay away Christmas Day?

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Inspired by another thread and my reply on there (I posted as below) I thought I'd post here for opinions on my specific thing.

We are planning on spending Christmas day with my in laws who we get on with very well, which includes OHs sister and her partner too. OH wants to stay there overnight, even though we're really local and I have no problem driving us home.

I really hate staying at other people's houses anyway, but more so now that DS who is 19m currently will not settle for the night in someone else's house. He used to, but he doesn't anymore even when it's somewhere familiar. We visit the inlaws lots so he knows the house etc.

I am currently trying to convince OH to return home for DS's bedtime - rather than trying to get DS settled fruitlessly for an hour or two before returning home anyway with everyone stressed - and invite his family to ours for the evening (there are no other children to accommodate and I'm happy to drive everyone or they could stay if they wanted). The idea came up in front of his Mum when we were thinking aloud, and she seemed quite happy to come to us for the evening. OH is not keen and wants to 'at least try' staying over there.

I have suggested that we do a dry run staying over there before Christmas and see how that goes with the view that of it's a success then we'll try staying on Christmas Day but if not then we won't. OH is huffy about this as he feels that at 19m DS should just settle wherever we put him down and that 'pandering' to him shows him he can kick off and get his way. I think he's too young to pick this up, and don't want a big stressy time on Christmas Day for any of us.

The following day we are spending with my family and the situation will be much the same there. He won't settle there - we can try but it's doubtful so I expect we'll end up coming home in the evening. Can't really invite everyone to ours that day as my family is huge plus there are is another child who will be going to bed there.

AIBU?

I like my wine too... I will be taking my turn to drink on Boxing Day!

Is mil wanting to big up the fact she is hosting? Telling people she has the family staying makes her seem important!!

Nah, she isn't like that. She'd love it if we stayed and we're always welcome but she'd do whatever is easiest for us.

I'm in a similar position, op. We have two children aged 6 and 10 months. I've told dh we are coming home in the evening. My reason being that I want some time on Christmas day for myself. I want to put the baby to bed and snuggle up with my eldest watching a film in my pjs with a selection box in one hand and a glass of red in the other. If we were to stay at pils it would be chaos. Dh would want to sit and play board games with his lovely but very loud family and if be left sorting out the over tired baby. No thank you. Instead, we have offered to host a games night after Christmas at our house. Sometimes you have to think about what you want rather than pleasing everyone else.

From 2 miles away I would hear my bed calling op!! Not worth the hassle on trying to settle ds is it?

2 miles?

It could be everyone's Christmas walk

So in a total volte face I say great idea OP. Everyone stuffs themselves with Xmas dinner, watches a bit of telly walks to yours through the crisp winter air (maybe it will even snow) then comes to yours for cheese and biscuits/fancy pudding and booze. Lovely

2 miles swings it.

I'd do whatever made life easiest and bobbins to all this "you will teach ds he gets his way, you can't run your life around him" stuff. How much fun does anyone expect you to have trying to settle him for hours and hours at the IL's, anyway? Your DH is being a knob.

I think you should chill out just a bit and go with the flow. It's one day a year. One night's hardly going to upset the 19 month olds apple cart!

Interesting how the toddler can't be allowed to think making a fuss gets him what he wants, yet the husband is making a fuss about what he wants...

an adult man wanting to spend time with his family on christmas day hardly compares to a grisly toddler!

The important bit in the op is that is that it isnt what the op wants. The op wants to be at home. Ignore your dh sulking. Mine is a bit too. But, we will be at pils for 6 hours on Christmas day. There has to be some compromise.

Yes the compromise is the other 364 days of the year in your own bed!

I feel your pain OP, we have a 15 month old who is difficult to settle at the best of times, and DPs family booked a meal out for Christmas Day again this year without consulting us or inviting my family and DP is too chicken to say no, even though when we did the same and stayed over last year we ended up in a taxi home at 1am as they all got into a drunken argument. It's going to be me who has to deal with an overtired toddler who doesn't want to be cooped up in a high chair for hours which is absolutely no fun for either of us. I will be leaving when it is convenient for us, although they want us all day and evening DP can stay but I'm not going to. Thankfully it is walkable distance from our house this year (I don't drive) You should do what suits you OP, let you DH stay later if he wants but don't martyr yourself trying to appease him or your in laws. I'm poised and ready to tell my inlaws that we are doing our own thing next year and they can drop in to visit DD if they wish, but I'm not spending my whole Christmas Day wrangling a toddler in a restaurant who will just want to play with her new toys at home. There is no reason for you to stay if it's only two miles distance and it will mean extra unnecessary stress for you and your DC.

Would it fall to you to settle your child Op or would your DH step in?

Oh god @silkpyjamasallday that sounds like a nightmare! An active toddler cooped up in a highchair all day, no thank you. My DS will happily sit through a normal lunch out these days (he's a little older at 19m and easily entertained with bits of our food, crayons etc) but a full on afternoon? No way. Won't be fun for the other diners either!

@Dippydippydora Yes OH would help at bedtime, but after half hour or so of screaming he'll start getting the arse on and DS will want me over him when he's like that anyway.

Whether you have a toddler or not, you ‘really hate staying’ at other people’s- so don’t. This is your Christmas too. Yes it would be nice for your DH to stay over at his parents, but they live close and you see lots of them- sack it off if it will make you miserable with worry between now and then.

It's really easy to say "don't let the baby rule the roost" I keep trying to tell that to my one year old. He doesn't go a shit who I think is in charge. Still doesn't exactly what he wants, Little dictator.

Yanbu.