Bear with me, it will be long
I have an acquaintance on Facebook that I haven't spoken to in years, who has recently had a baby and I'm concerned for her and the baby from the things she posts. The baby is less than 6 weeks old and she's freely admits she doesn't tend to the baby until the baby is purple from holding it's breath from screaming, Because she doesn't want baby to become clingy or be too dependent on her being there.
As a mother, this goes against every mothering instinct I have and saddens me greatly. Now I fully understand and accept that everyone makes different parenting choices, and there often isn't a right answer. One of those choices is not going to a baby as soon as they cry, and normally I wouldn't bat an eyelid as it's not my child, not my choice. But surely leaving a baby that young util they're holding their breath isn't healthy? I genuinely don't know, I'm literally at the opposite end of parenting choices. People keep commenting saying how that's the right thing to do, but surely it isn't working if the mum is obviously struggling so much (going by what she posts). She seems to think that a baby that young shouldn't be waking much at night, and leaving the baby to scream until it's holding it's breath is the way to solve this.
I probably sound like I'm being judgmental, and if I'm honest I am a little bit. But People could also easily judge my parenting as pandering too much, But I truly believe you can't spoil a baby with love. But I really want to message her and point her in the direction of some resources about things like the 4th trimester just to let her know that there are other things to try, and giving your baby a cuddle isn't going to be damaging to them. I don't want to tell her she's wrong, as well I'm no expert. But maybe open her up to other options. Obviously don't want to try convert her parenting style to mine, But there's lots of middle ground that may help her. But my husband tells me to butt out and not say anything.
I'm torn. I have never had a baby that has been difficult to settle. I only have one child who is still super young. So maybe I'm wrong and she is doing what's best for her baby, I really don't know. But I do know how annoying it is when people think they know best for their child. But I am genuinely concerned for her and the baby.
So would I be unreasonable to message with some word of support and then point her in the direction of some resources that may be of some help. And to reiterate, I don't think she should parent in the same way as me as I have no doubt I'm getting lots of things wrong. But just to open her up to other options that
That was longer than I expected, well done if you made it through my ramblings!