To put my foot down with dh (Christmas related)

[Whatsername17]

Dd is 6 and has written her letter to Santa today. She has wanted a Keyboard for months having finally started lessons a few weeks ago. She's also wanted an expensive Lego set and a crystal science kit for ages. They are on her list and I've bought them. There are some other things on her list that I haven't bought and don't intend to. She wrote the list flicking tbrough the Smyths catalogue so has literally just written down anything she likes the look of - about 8 things in total including the three things we've bought. As well as the three things on her list, I've bought her another 10 presents, iincluding theatre tickets and some surprise (and, admittedly cheap) toys I know she will love. I've spent our agreed budget and I'm done. Dh keeps looking at her list and bemoaning how guilty he feels that we've 'only' got her 3 things from her list. He wants us to buy the rest and I've said no. He thinks that dd will be upset that Santa hasn't bought her the things she's asked for. I know she won't- I've managed her expectations. Dd knows Santa doesn't bring everything you ask for- she's even written in her letter that she doesn't expect every thing on her list; 'I know you wont bring everything becus its an orful lot of things but I really hope I could get a keyboard with yamaha on it please'. She gets it. However, Dh keeps saying that its only another 4 presents (grandparents are buying one of the other things as they wanted an idea so we gave them one from her list). I'm saying no way. She has enough, she understands and she will be grateful. Also, if she gets used to not getting everything she wants then that is a good thing going forward, right? Dh thinks I'm mean. AIBU?

YANBU. It sounds like she will be over the moon anyway (her note is adorable by the way)

I don't really like the idea of just getting exactly what they ask for. There is a lot to be said for surprises that may end up being much loved. My DCs have mentioned loads of things over the last few months but it's all met with "wait and see" and they know that Father Christmas brings surprises. Children don't always know what they'd like best, and it's worth thinking of long term playability etc over that one moment of 'yay!' as they unwrap

My granddaughter is allowed to ask Father Christmas for one thing ( about £30) but is told there's no guarantee it will be brought as, if everyone asks for the same thing, he may run out. I let her make one suggestion to me along the lines of a scooter/doll's pram etc. and then I get a few small things of my choice or things her mum has suggested, mostly clothes/craft stuff. Nothing is ever promised in case there is a run on that particular toy and there's none left in the shops!

Quite right, there is always her birthday.

My DS once wrote a letter to Santa asking for a villa in Spain with a pool (after we had been on holiday that Summer). If he had been your DH's son would he have obliged? I know we certainly didn't. But DS did get a very nice letter back from 'Santa' explaining that he didn't think the budget would stretch to that

I'm with you OP. What will happen when she gets to Secondary school and she starts on the "everyone else has got" line. It starts with Iphones and goes on to cars when they get to 17? Your DH needs to learn to say no and manage expectations too.

I'm with your DH too. You have had all the pleasure of buying her things and now he wants to buy her some things too. Or do only you get that pleasure?

Dh and I did all of the shopping together so he has very much been included. I save the money (it's joint, obviously), throughout the year. He just wants to spoil the kids. It is well meant. Thankfully dd2 is 10 months so weve not had the same issue with her.

Bgbluebus - I might try that! Love it!

Im with you. She has plenty. My children are guaranteed to get 1 thing off their list.

I should have said 'We've bought' in my op. Honestly, it's been a joint effort. We went shopping last weekend. The savings account is in my name so I hand over the cash but it is a joint effort.

YANBU at all. And as a PP says you can save the other ideas for birthday.

Though, in future I would probably get her to write her list before you do the shopping.. .what if she'd written completely different items to what you'd bought?!

You are right. But if you have got all the gifts so far save some or birthday and let your dh buy and wrap some.

Unless your dh simply has money to burn. In that case, encourage him to spend spare cash on children who will really have a crap Christmas and not to spoil his daughter.

We spoil our kids in other ways, treats, expensive snacks and drinks from Costa etc and it's all too much! DS has had so many sweets this weekend, I must get tough. It is hard but it really does them no favours!

Santa only brings our kids one gift each. We, and other relatives, buy the other gifts.

Ds realized at 7 that Santa is not real. DD realized about the same age. So this is not going to be a forever issue.

Your dh means well, but please ask him to enjoy the special bits, which are not likely to be the presents really. Our favorite bits are sprinkling reindeer food on the lawn and leaving out a carrot, glass of milk and mince pie. We also enjoy cooking together, decorating a ginger bread house with a beloved relative etc. So much to do. Not just things to buy. Happy expectation.

Growing up I don’t ever remember being disappointed that I didn’t get everything on my list, in fact sometimes it was the things I didn’t ask for that I loved most. I get ds to do a list to give Father Christmas some ideas, he knows he won’t get everything.

I'm with you. Our dc get a decent pile of gifts buts it's not made up entirely of items on their list because I find that children will include things just because they've seen an ad on tv or spotted it in a catalogue, without necessarily even knowing much about it. Ours could write a list today and a completely different list next week, except for the 2 or 3 things they've genuinely wanted for months. Honestly there's a reason why crap is marketed so heavily towards children, it's pretty easy to grab their attention with gimmicks!

We've always bought them some of the things they want together with others that they possibly never knew existed until they opened them and touch wood we've not had any fails so far.