To think MIL is out of order?

[Butterfr33]

NC for this...

It's DP's brother's 23rd birthday today and he's having a meal with all his siblings and partners. We're the only ones with a DC and with no babysitter, I've said I'll stay with DD so DP can go and enjoy his DB's birthday.

MIL has asked DB if he can can take her DD so his little sister (10yo) along. MIL is not an easy person to say no to. So now a 10yo is going along to a meal along with a bunch of people in their early 20's. She is going to bored, moan and everyone is going to have to mind what they say around her.

AIBU to think MIL is out of order for asking this? Knowing full well that it's not what the birthday boy would want. I feel sorry for him tbh.

When DS was 10 he would have loved it and been good company. Now he's a bit teenagery so I'd not inflict him on a group!

It's not odd. She's 10 but it's a special occasion. I think it's nice but you seem to have a bee in your bonnet about this.

Whenever there's a thread about someone bringing their child to a school mum's meal out, or similar, everyone immediately gets it that the child would change the dynamic. Why is it different on this occasion? Op says the 'birthday boy would not want this'. And mil knows it. I'm sure there will be a family celebration of some sort at home.

So MIL is sending a 10YO along to a dinner she isn't even attending herself.

It is really bizarre, why on earth didn't BIL say no?

To answer a few points

• I know this was none of my business but it's just another controlling thing MIL has done.
• DD is a young toddler who's asleep by 7pm

-We live 1.5 hours away from everyone so no babysitters and me babysitting 10yo wasn't an option

• Not all MIL's children. Half the siblings are step-siblings as FIL is remarried.

She's not your mother. You're not even going. Leave them to it.

"but it's just another controlling thing MIL has done."

If the brother had the option to say no then it's not controlling.

I think it would be a bit mean to exclude her just because she is younger. Do you think she might have expressed she wanted to go?

I have siblings 11 years younger and we have never excluded them from meals etc.

It sounds like a nice meal out, not a piss up in a pub, so they won't necessarily have to mhave be what they say in front of her. She's old enough to know Father Christmas isn't real, so surely part of the conversation will be about Christmas plans etc, anyway.

Is your DP annoyed that she is going?

Is she his sister or isn't she?

Anyway the issue here is your man isn't able to say no to mummy. And yet you blame her? What's that about?

Not about you, and doesn't sound controlling of mil.

There may be other stuff mil has done that is controlling but to me this seems like a kind request to make sure that one sibling isn't left out of a meal.

Your dh and the birthday brother don't come across well for not wanting their youngest sister there.

I think if there are other issues you should maybe start a new thread - perhaps in relationships- because, unless you give us a massive drip feed, this thread is not going to make your mil look unreasonable.

YABU. I'm sorry but it sounds liked you are feeling left out! Why don't you just go with your children? We travel a lot with our children and have since they were born - it wouldn't even cross my mind if I saw a 10 year old at a meal that they would be bored or I would need to modify my conversation. And I have two children who just turned 11 so I am familiar with that age group. What on earth do you think they will all be talking about that all of them have to change their conversation? She's his sister and she should be there to experience being part of her family. I also think her being around adults is good for her - best way to develop her conversations skills.

It's DP's brother's 23rd birthday today and he's having a meal with all his siblings and partners.

But apparently the 10-year-old doesn't count as a sibling in your eyes? How delightful.

I think it’s more odd that a group of siblings are going out for a birthday meal without their Mum, to be honest! I could understand if they were going to a pub for a noisy boozy evening, but not a meal?! I don’t see why the Mum and the sister aren’t both going?

Exactly.

My grownup dcs often meet up with their grownup cousins for a social occasion.. I wouldn't expect to be invited and I wouldn't expect them to ask a sibling 13 years younger. It's the 23 yr old's birthday. Seems reasonable to me that he'd want to have a night out with people of his own age, whether friends or brothers and their dps.

If his mother wants a family occasion, involving other generations, grannies and children, she can arrange it. And perhaps already has.

If DH is happy to take his little sister & DB wants here there, then that's ok. It's unusual to ask the DS who lives so far away to take her but that might be as he's driving anyway. As it's a sibling event, it sounds right to include her. She'll probably love the chance to go out with her big sisters and brothers. So depending on how it was asked it doesn't sound as if she is BU to ask.