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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think MIL is out of order?

67 replies

Butterfr33 · 18/11/2017 19:15

NC for this...

It's DP's brother's 23rd birthday today and he's having a meal with all his siblings and partners. We're the only ones with a DC and with no babysitter, I've said I'll stay with DD so DP can go and enjoy his DB's birthday.

MIL has asked DB if he can can take her DD so his little sister (10yo) along. MIL is not an easy person to say no to. So now a 10yo is going along to a meal along with a bunch of people in their early 20's. She is going to bored, moan and everyone is going to have to mind what they say around her.

AIBU to think MIL is out of order for asking this? Knowing full well that it's not what the birthday boy would want. I feel sorry for him tbh.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 18/11/2017 19:56

Maybe he likes his own sister, and wants her to be there? Stranger things have happened.

DownTheChimney · 18/11/2017 19:57

If his sister is going how come your dd can't go?

StealthNinjaMum · 18/11/2017 20:02

I feel a bit sorry for dd If it's true when you say her own brother doesn't want her there.

Surely it's a good thing that mil doesn't want to exclude one of her children?

LynetteScavo · 18/11/2017 21:28

It's DP's brother's 23rd birthday today and he's having a meal with all his siblings and partners

Including his youngest sibling. Job done.

Original poster
Butterfr33 · 18/11/2017 21:29

Sorry if it wasn't clear, it's not a family meal, parents etc aren't going. Just the brothers and girlfriends all of whom are similar age 21, 23, 25 etc. I just find it odd tbh.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 18/11/2017 21:31

It's not about you. If your DH's brother objects or your DH doesn't want to take her then they can say. She's a sibling. It's for siblings. Can't see the issue.

FlashTheSloth · 18/11/2017 21:32

So MIL isn't going but they group of 20 somethings have been expected to take a 10 year old along with them? Ridiculous. Sibling of not, this sounds more like an adult event.

StealthNinjaMum · 19/11/2017 08:48

What else is planned to make the dd feel included? I imagine being so much younger she might feel like an 'accident'. Poor thing.

MrsAJ27 · 19/11/2017 09:58

Why do you care?

pigeondujour · 19/11/2017 10:03

Could you offer to have the ten year old too?

GreenTulips · 19/11/2017 10:03

My sister is 16 years younger

If we had a sibling meal mom would drop her and collect at the end of the meal wheelie we went on

Meals tend to be fairly laid back with adults not getting too merry til after

Don't see an issue and don't understand why it's bothering you

Appuskidu · 19/11/2017 10:06

I think it’s more odd that a group of siblings are going out for a birthday meal without their Mum, to be honest! I could understand if they were going to a pub for a noisy boozy evening, but not a meal?! I don’t see why the Mum and the sister aren’t both going?

Thymeout · 19/11/2017 10:15

If my 23 yr old was going out for a meal with his older siblings, I wouldn't go as well and I certainly wouldn't expect them to take their sister, 13 years younger, along with them.

Obviously, if it was an all-generation family party, we'd all be there and she wouldn't be left out. And the conversation would be entirely different from if it was just the grown-up siblings. A 10 yr old is a child.

KarmaNoMore · 19/11/2017 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KarmaNoMore · 19/11/2017 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Violletta · 19/11/2017 10:27

so its the birthday boys sister? why shouldnt she go?

Holyknight · 19/11/2017 10:33

Yabu. It’s her DBs birthday so why shouldn’t she be at the meal? There’s 10years between my eldest DB and me and I’d have been heartbroken not to be at a meal to celebrate his birthday that all my other DBs and DSs were going to. You don’t not include a sibling at a family celebration because they’re a lot younger or older than the others. Ok if the meal was for her DB and his friends well that’s different and she shouldn’t be there unless DB particularly wanted her to be.

diddl · 19/11/2017 10:35

Well it's up to BIL.

Although I'm guessing that the sister wasn't invited & that's why MIL asked.

If your BIL wanted to say no & can't then that's his problem.

I don't see why a child has to be included in everything that adult siblings do.

It's not her fault that she's younger, but also if the siblings want a ore adult meal together then that's up to the as well.

Is MIL not going-if not, would she look after your daughter?

GreenTulips · 19/11/2017 11:50

If MIL isn't going why can't she babysit so you can go?

BertramTheWalrus · 19/11/2017 12:48

I don't see the problem. Perhaps she won't be bored at all, she may even enjoy herself. I went to a party when I was in my 20s and a friend had brought her 12 year old daughter with her, she had a nice time, we were nice to her and when she did get bored she got her book out.
I really wouldn't waste time getting worked up about it.

Thymeout · 19/11/2017 15:54

It's not whether the child is going to enjoy herself. It's not her birthday. It's whether the 23 yr old and adult siblings plus partners will enjoy themselves with a 10 yr old in the mix.

Does MIL have plans for herself that evening and is looking for a baby-sitter?

diddl · 19/11/2017 16:33

How old is your daughter, Op-too young to be company for her Aunt?

AuntieBeast · 19/11/2017 17:19

What does this have to do with you? Surely they're all MIL's children and can figure it out for themselves.

Only1scoop · 19/11/2017 17:22

None of your business

You sound miffed cos’ they don’t want you to go.

Only1scoop · 19/11/2017 17:23

Just realised mil not going

Can’t she have dc then you can go?