Credit card Statements and OH

[elfish1980]

Opinions wanted please!

I am a SAHM so at the moment I'm not earning. Me and my OH are both happy with this, it was a mutual decision for me to give up work. All of the money he earns is joint/family money and we each have savings accounts in both our own names and jointly. Our house is also owned 50/50.

Each month, his wages go into our joint account and all bills/savings are paid from there. We then each have a set amount we receive each into our own accounts that we can spend as we wish. We've no debts, and are in a steady financial position.

We each put all of our household spending (fuel, groceries etc) on our individual credit cards (for points/cashback) then pay the bills in full each month from the joint account. I've always had online statements - even before I was a SAHM - that I go through each month and pay, and I send OH an email with a detailed breakdown of the joint bill. I don't mind doing this as it makes sense to keep a check on how much we're spending in supermarkets etc

Just recently he's been saying he wants to see and go through my statements. I've said no because there are things (mainly Xmas gifts for him) that I don't want him to see but I've explained why and said come January if he really wants to see them, he can but I don't understand why he needs to as I give him a breakdown anyway.

He's basically said he doesn't think the breakdowns are accurate and he wants to see for himself. I don't have a huge problem with this after Xmas really but AIBU to feel a bit miffed? I don't have anything to hide but I do feel like I should be able to have some degree of privacy on what I spend my own money on if I want it. I don't know, I just feel like demanding to inspect someone else's credit card transactions is a bit off. Is it just me?

However, all those saying that he is being reasonable to ask the OP to show him those credit card bills are perhaps missing the point that it clearly indicates that he doesn't trust the OP to be telling him the truth.

So he's effectively accusing her of either lying or incompetence. That's not really a respectful situation in a relationship either, and is not excused by a demand for "transparency" (also coming from a position of distrust)

It doesn't say he doesn't trust her at all!

It just says he wants to understand where their money is going at a more detailed level.

Spending £500 on food does not tell you whether it was all at Waitrose (so savings could be made) or all at Lidl.
Was the "stuff for kids" spending high in September because it was the start of term, or are these recurring costs?

Everyone is capable of making mistakes, or it might be that he wants a more detailed breakdown e.g. they normally spend £100 a month on kids stuff but this month they've spent £300 and

From the OP:
"He's basically said he doesn't think the breakdowns are accurate and he wants to see for himself."

He doesn't think they're accurate - he thinks she's either lying or incompetent.

He doesn't think they're accurate - he thinks she's either lying or incompetent

Are these really the only two possibilities? He probably just wants to see the spread of spending for himself so that he can get a feel for what's happening rather than just headline figures. You don't have to be dishonest or incompetent to convey this information incorrectly.