To wonder why people have to be publicy shamed all the time?

[Midge1978]

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/mums-outrage-after-sexist-surgeon-11525580

Mum Jo Martin was unable to take three-year-old daughter Jessica to her hospital appointment because she was unwell - so the little girl's dad did instead. Two weeks later the surgeon wrote a letter saying "thank you for referring this lovely young lady....Unfortunately her mum could not be at the clinic visit today as she has not been well and father stepped in manfully".

The surgeon may have old fashioned views about the roles of parents, he may just have been teasing the husband. Either way it probably wasn't the most appropriate thing to put in a letter but I think it's safe to say he wasn't deliberately trying to make the wife feel "guilty". The couple could have ignored it or complained privately but no - they decided to be publicly outraged on social media instead and now the papers are on board.

AIBU to wonder why people seem intent on being a victim and being publicly and morally outraged at every human mistake? Was there really any need to publicly shame the man like that? Who actually benefits from all this - do we really achieve a fairer society or just one where people are afraid to talk to each other?

I’d be surprised if my dh bothered to take either of mine to any medical appointment. He’s never even taken them to the docs. I’d be stupidly impressed

I can't get hepped up about it. They might have already tried privately they're might be more to the story. Any money they've pulled.it off social media and the papers got I touch with them. They do tend to sneak about looking for stories. I'm just not bothered by it. Of.that what they wanna do then then be my guest. Not something I'd do though.

And.... thank you for treating my dd and caring. Ok yes, it was a silly thing to say. But really? The surgeon was possibly chuffed that they didn’t just fail to turn up.

Perhaps the dad made a big deal about attending the appointment and took offence at the manfully comment. perhaps he is a skinny so and so and not manful at all

either way i think it is money orientated, and, in this case, shameful

I can’t imagine how awful it must be to suddenly find yourself the subject of a newspaper vendetta like this. I don’t in any way condone the surgeon saying all that stuff, but surely PALS or speaking to the department manager would be more appropriate?

I think public shame has pretty much always been a mechanism for holding people to account. While I get tired of the more ridiculous end of virtue signalling, I do think that, in the majority of cases, it works to draw attention to injustices and a need for change. In an era where we are holding the powerful to account for abuses of that power - particularly sexual abuses - it can still be a valuable tool. But while it is being used more intensely, it's nothing new.

'I saw this very interesting and personable young lady for a foot fracture'. Like, wtf does your subjective opinion that she is interesting and personable have to with her broken foot?

A lot of that ^^ is code relating to mental health and mental capacity to consent to treatment.

I suspect there is such a ‘code’, be it a loose one:

Pleasant
Un-cooperative
Challenging

tries to think of more....

All words I’ve seen written about parents of SN children.

There's nothing 'unmanful' about being skinny

In principle, I am all for calling out examples of everyday sexism like this, but if the family are doing it for the money, they're just greedy fuckers.

Incidentally, I am "charming and knowledgable" according to my orthopaedic consultant ...

stringypotatoes is spot on you can't call this sexist without making the assumption that the surgeon wouldn't have written the same had the roles been reversed. To make that assumption is itself sexist.

So maybe PP like wildbluebelles should reassess their own sexist prejudices before looking for it in others.

Lucky ppl if this is the biggest worry in your daily life.

you can't call this sexist without making the assumption that the surgeon wouldn't have written the same had the roles been reversed. To make that assumption is itself sexist.

You really think it would be mentioned that ‘the father was unable to bring the child in so the mother stepped in’? Really?

Well I'm with you OP, I can't see why people can't just go in the privacy of their own homes and then get on with life again. Why be so attention-seeking constantly? But that's the world we live in now (unfortunately)

Goodness, the surgeon's letter immediately struck me as tongue in cheek, and it still does. In fact I wonder if the choice of 'manfully' follows an aside in the consultation when the husband whinged, jokingly or not, about being the one to take the child there.

(But then I've been known to get the wrong end of the stick in pretty spectacular ways.)

I would agree with you ushua. .

Yabvu do i really need to explain why

Whether or not the surgeon was in the wrong is neither here nor there but I agree on the point of everything being fair game for public shaming.
I can't understand why you'd make something like this public? What if anything would you gain?

Public shaming in some instances is fine, I'm not convinced this was one of those instances though. They could have contacted the surgeon to express how offended they were at what he had written.

I see it on social media too, people taking to facebook to publicly humiliate another when the reality is they tend to just humiliate themselves.

Why is saying that the father acted "manfully" sexist?

I thought toxic masculinity / patriarchy blash blah meant that fathers were hands off. When they aren't and someone commends them there's also an issue.

Our youngest has had several surgeries in his short life. Whenever we've had serious meetings with surgeons etc, it has been both of us there. I get a lump in my throat just thinking about them and would have felt that I'd stepped up womanfully going to one without DH.

I suspect OP that it is less about people being publicly shamed and more to do with a freelance typist wanting her half-second of fame. I can't imagine the poor sap of a husband doing anything but nodding along and saying 'yes dear' when she told him how outraged she was!

My daughter has ASD and a couple of times my dh was not able to attend the paeditrician's appointment, so I went alone. He asked on both occassions, where is your husband, ah he's working and earning the money .

Was he correct Aeroflot?

Was your husband working and earning money? I'm not being obtuse I simply don't see the issue.

Also, did you feel like you were stepping up when you went alone? My child's problems are physical not mental but I certainly did on the odd occasioN i went alone. It was 100 times harder by myself.

I signed up to specifically post this ...

The surgeon in question has operated on my daughter and I have met him on numerous occasions. Mr Baillie is a renowned consultant and is an incredibly empathetic and supportive to families such as mine who he frequently has contact with. He is not sexist in any way shape or form and I think this whole fiasco is pathetic. Mr Baillie saw your daughter and you need to know how little time consultants such as he has, families wait months for their children to be seen in clinic by Mr Baillie who is always supportive, charismatic but doesn't tend to sugar coat anything. His letters are always pleasant with a jovial quality which for many parents with children who have complicated conditions makes a refreshing change.

So call off the witch hunt for a man that operates on and subsequently saves so many children's lives.

That was a private letter from the doctor to the parents. Private letters should not be made public!

Nowadays, social media is a driving force for change. This one letter gone viral will do more for changing sexist attitudes then any number of private complaints.

I generally look down on people who take their petty grievances to the papers, but in this case I agree that it's worth challenging publicly.

Couldn't agree more OP, some people just rush to social media for the slightest thing, it's really pathetic.