When is it OK for people to body shame my child?

[Glitterbug83]

I am absolutely furious. A while ago, my sister in law came over to visit. She said my 1 year old daughter looked "so skinny". I replied "she's healthy thank you" to which she said she likes babies/kids to be plump. I left it there.

Today, the same sister in law came over and said my daughter looks so skinny. I challenged her on it. I said I don't appreciate people commenting on my child's appearance when I know she's healthy as I don't want her developing a complex. She said she won't develop a complex and walked off in a huff. GRRRRRRRR. Mama bear is on the prowl now! If you've got nothing positive to say about someone's child, don't bloody say it.

Since when has it been okay to comment on a baby's physical appearance like this? For the record, she is actually not skinny and is on the 50th centile.

I’m not sure a 1yo can be body shamed...they’re unaware of body image at that age.
People comment on baby’s sizes all the time as it’s literally one of the only things you can say about them.
I think she’s a bit thoughtless to say your daughter is skinny then say she likes plump babies as it insinuates she doesn’t like your daughter but unless there’s a huge backstory, it’s just that, thoughtless.

Mama bear is on the prowl?!? Jesus

Since when has it been okay to comment on a baby's physical appearance like this?

Since always. That's why weight goes on birth announcement cards.

Isnt baby cute, fat, skinny, people always comment on babys appearance.

Mama bear no one body shamed a 1 year old. Ask her on her 21st how ashamed she felt.

Unless you're the doting parents/grandparents/siblings then babies are, basically, a bit boring. Lovely, lovely little darlings but boring. They don't go to school, they have no discernible talents or interests, they have no hobbies, you can't even get decent banter from them until they're properly talking. They just sit there like lovely boring smiley lumps. So what do people talk about when they talk about babies? They talk about their weight, their size, how much hair they have/don't have, who they resemble the most, how happy/grumpy they are, and so on.

It's just what people do, much like commenting on the weather or how busy it is at the shops. It's nothing to get all 'Mama Bear' about (what even is that!? Is that a thing now?), if it bothers you just tell your SIL it bothers you.

OP You are being ridiculous, that was not body-shaming. You are the one who will give complex to your child if you over-react anyone says something.

Bloody hell, people cannot say anything anymore. Parents get offended if you use the word "boy" or "girl"

I said I don't appreciate people commenting on my child's appearance well, good luck with that. I bet you will get even more huffy if they start commenting about your child's behaviour

"I think people believe it's a benign comment to say a one year old is skinny/chubby as we don't tend to assign judgment to a child's weight at that age."

Yep, I think it's this. Your SiL probably imagines you are close and can make silly or flippant remarks around you and they will be seen as affectionate. Explain to her that you dislike her and she must be really careful what she says- problem solved :-)

Since when has it been okay to comment on a baby's physical appearance like this?

Ummm since always really

Or at least pre about 2010 when everyone decided to get offended by everything.

Since when has it been okay to comment on a baby's physical appearance like this?

Since the dawn of time before you all got so unbearably precious and said shit like "body shaming"?

Shelly boob, yes, she is overweight herself.

Those of you who say it's not bodyshaming.. How is it not? If someone talks about another's appearance weight wise in a negative manner ie too fat/too skinny surely that's not reinforcing body image is it??

For the record, sister in laws eldest son is obese and I've witnessed her say awful things to him like "look at your fat bum on display!". He's got serious issues as a result. People like this need to be corrected!

Mama bear is on the prowl

Ah, the new excuse for being offended over nothing

And so the drip feed commences..

to this thread.

OP, you know that if you give someone a reaction, they will just poke away at you more. Instead of going off on one at your SIL for the, um, 'body shaming', just ignore her. It's not hard.

And I say this as the Mum of a skinny baby who did get a fair few comments on it. I also had a Michelin baby, so it all evened out.

And the less said about Mama fucking bear the better.

Oh op. I want a cuddly baby bear now.

“Lovely boring smiley lumps”

I get where you are coming from OP.
Yes, at one DD is not going to develop a complex but at what age do children start taking notice of these comments? I feel it's good to get in to good practises now.
A harmless comment may not be so harmless in 5 years time.
People do tend to comment on babies weight but if you have already indicated that you are not comfortable with those comment then SIL is being rude.

No matter how much your drip-feed OP, it's not body shaming.

You're applying a very popular phrase to a baby and therefore it just doesn't work.

Also as a PP pointed out, you are far more likely to give the child a complex if you're going to choose to take offence over such things.

If I remember rightly, you're not very keen on your inlaws are you?

I suspect that is colouring your judgement.

Pfb ?

Those of you who say it's not bodyshaming.. How is it not

One, because "bodyshaming" is a stupid made up word, and two, because you are talking about a child who has no concept of their body image or of shame.

If you get offended by that you are in for a very long time being offended as your child gets older!

People comment on how a baby looks. There isn’t much more to comment on really.

Have you never commented on a babies chubby thighs or anything?

It's not body shaming because your dd is too young to be humiliated or ashamed of her body or even understand what your SIL is on about.

However, you need to bear in mind that she probably does look skinny to many because so many children are now overweight that healthy weight children look thin in comparison, when infact they aren't.

Is she your husband's sister? If so then I think the correct response is along the lines of 'yes, isn't it lucky -she definitely takes after my side of the family'

DM is the same. She's just not used to small, skinny children with small appetites (we were stocky growing up and were early developers). Its understandable and she's just a bit worried although she knows he is doing fine. It's not being malicious. Doesn't bother me or DS (8)!

GRRRRRRRR. Mama bear is on the prowl now!

iconic

Your daughter is a healthy weight, meeting all milestones and is a generally contented child? If so, why worry? Chill. Those remarks are really not worth the hassle.

Mama Bear? FFS!!

You cannot body shame a baby!

FWIW I was in the shops today and saw a woman with a baby in a baby carrier. The baby was absolutely tiny, he was prem and quite possibly the smallest baby I have ever seen. I said to the woman that I thought her baby was adorable and so, so tiny.

I now realise I was being size-ist and that boy will grow up to have little man syndrome.

I get how annoying the 'isn't she skinny' thing is. Because DD is skinny and is clearly destined to be skinny long term and as another lifelong skinny person it is actually fucking irritating.

But describing yourself as Mama Bear is just odd and as your child is on the 50th centile anyway I am not sure where the body shaming comes in as she is not actually skinny, just average.