To think you shouldn't ask someone if they're pregnant unless you're really really sure they are

[bigredboat]

Today I got asked 'are you expecting?' With an excited look at my tum - 'no' I replied 'I'm just fat'. Cue much back tracking and mumbling about the way I stand

As a size 14-16 it's not news to me that I don't have a flat stomach but I can't say I felt great about being asked if I'm pregnant when I'm not!

I would never ask unless it was a really close friend, do many people ask everyone with a stomach pooch if it's a baby?

rule is unless they are giving birth in front of you (with the baby poking out) and you have not been told they are pregnant that it NEVER comes up in conversation initiated by you

they could be just a bit chubby, they could have just lost a child anything at all.... there is no way you can ask a woman if she is pregnant without upsetting someone who isnt... (as far as i can work out)

No, I’d never ever ask someone if they were pregnant unless they said so first. But on a train there was a woman stood up whilst I was sat on priority seats. She wasn’t overweight but had a n empire waisted top on and kept looking at me, so I offered her my seat. I deliberated again and again about it but in the end just said it.

She shouted so loudly that no she was not pregnant, just fat. I felt horrendous but I did say I’d rather embarrass us both than have someone stood in pain for an hour on a busy train.

I was pretty shocked to be asked when I was about 12 weeks pregnant and not showing AT ALL.. And I think the askee was shocked too - making me think she was just trying to be nasty!

On the other hand it can be a bit weird if you've obviously 'noticed' someone is pregnant and don't say anything..

Moral of that story- never ever offer a seat unless you can see a badge!

I did it once to my eternal shame

Never, ever again unless the waters were breaking right in front of me and probably not even then.

I was congratulated on my pregnancy the other day with a helpful ‘cant be long now’ smile

I’m not pregnant and currently going through the initial stages of infertility investigation so thanks for that!

^^ by the way I’m a size 12 so not really overweight!

dontknow I don't agree with that moral. I think much better to ask someone needlessly if they want a seat than to leave someone standing in discomfort. Badge might be hidden, they may have a reason for not wanting to wear it, they may be shy to ask. Pregnancy need not be mentioned - "would you like a seat?" shouldn't in itself imply that.

But please for the love of god women please don't shout at people who offer a seat! This excuse is always trotted out as s reason to sit comfy and allow obviously pregnant people to suffer.

Yanbu though OP. I agree that there's no reason to mention pregnancy to anyone unless they tell you.

Say nothing unless you can see the head.

Never ask someone if they're pregnant and never ask an older looking parent how old their 'grandchild' is.

I'm guilty of the latter

Unless it's blindlingly obvious (heavily pregnant) I would let a pregnant woman stand rather than make a fat girl cry.

Having said that. I was sat on a and.two women got on at Chelsea Westminster Hospital stop (big maternity unit) and a woman asked very nicely if I would let her pregnant friend have a seat as she was feeling hot and the traffic was very slow. Was more than willing to do that. They even showed me the scan photos

Yanbu

Although this is why Baby on Board badges are needed on the tube, nobody is willing to risk offending someone by implying they're pregnant in case they're not

But in general there's just no need for anyone to know whether you're pregnant! Only medical professionals treating you and your partner actually need to know

YANBU.

How awkward if they weren't pregnant!

Sorry you were insulted and embarrassed OP. A size 14 isn't even big at all!

I had the opposite. Conversation went like this

Colleague: Do you think I'm fat or something?
Me: Ummmm... noooooo....????
C: So why haven't you noticed that I'm pregnant?????
M:

🤷🏼‍♀️

God I'd much rather not let a pregnant woman stand in physical discomfort.

milk that colleague is just being really silly.

Someone asked me and I was just about to be all offended before remembered I was 20w (with DC3)

I am fat so being mistaken as pregnant is always something I had feared, but on this occasion I was actually happy someone realised I was indeed pregnant and not just fat.

I would personally never ask anyone though. Not unless it was blindingly And glaringly obvious!

Never ask someone if they're pregnant and never ask an older looking parent how old their 'grandchild' is.
Done one, been on the receiving end of the other. Both mortifying for all concerned.

blackteasplease yup. She was only about 12 weeks at the time anyway!

She was also the only woman to have ever been 'with child' and had to be made a permanent fuss of.

Still makes me worry about whether I should ever say anything or not. I now try not to look at anybody below the neckline!

I’ve had this a few times, I’ve had 3 big babies in 5 years and my muscles are shot . I do daily exercise I’m only 9.5 stone but people keep asking if I’m pregnant. The last time I cried (not in front of the person). I usually try to laugh it off.

I'm 22 weeks pregnant and go to a lot of groups with my toddler so see new people a lot. No-one has asked me despite now having a sizable bump and act surprised when I say I am so I think they're all being very tactful! I wouldn't ask unless it was really really obvious!!

‘The bulge of uncertainty’
I would say never ask the are you pregnant until a woman’s in labour

Difficult though. In the main I agree you shouldn't ever say, but then if someone is really obviously pregnant you feel like a bit of a numpty ignoring it.

I agree that BOB signs are a life saver. I've now moved out of London and where I live the default seems to be to leave pregnant women to stand on public transport. Whether that's fear of getting it wrong or simply not giving a fuck I haven't figured out.

This sums it up...