To think you shouldn't ask someone if they're pregnant unless you're really really sure they are

[bigredboat]

Today I got asked 'are you expecting?' With an excited look at my tum - 'no' I replied 'I'm just fat'. Cue much back tracking and mumbling about the way I stand

As a size 14-16 it's not news to me that I don't have a flat stomach but I can't say I felt great about being asked if I'm pregnant when I'm not!

I would never ask unless it was a really close friend, do many people ask everyone with a stomach pooch if it's a baby?

Yanbu, you shouldnt make big announcements on behalf of other people, it would be like cutting their wedding cake or something.

Definitely a cannot win situation here op. I congratulated a very old school friend on her latest pregnancy. It was completely obvious. She told me she was not but looked panicked. I apologised immediately. She was lying though, she was, it was just it was her sixth and felt embarrassed about it. God knows why, she loves kids and can afford it.

My second pregnancy, even though I was only 12 weeks, was spotted by my driving instructor who shouted across Top Shop "Hi Elsie, you preggers". I looked very stony faced as I hadn't told anyone. When complaining to a work colleague later that week about her rudeness, colleague responded "I thought you had just eaten too much Christmas pudding".

I think you can just have a pregnant look and have spotted other's pregnancies before they have said anything. I have been offended and been the offender.

It's not to be mentioned unless they are on the table giving birth.

Never ask someone if they're pregnant and never ask an older looking parent how old their 'grandchild' is. I'm guilty of the latter

Worra!

I'm an older mum to DD4. Once when i took DD4 for one of her early checks one of my older daughters tagged along, she was just 16 at the time. The health visitor managed to piss both of us off by assuming the baby was the 16 year old's. An easy mistake to make? NO not really! Read the bloody notes maybe and don't assume next time. Grrrr.

Anyway ... worra i'm sure you didn't have notes in front of you and i'm sure you're suitably mortified Your post just jogged a four year old memory.

For public transport, if I see someone I think is pregnant, I stand up and femree my seat as though I'm about to get off at the next stop. And then do a little charade of "oops not actually my stop". Doesn't always work in that it's not always the potentially-pregnant woman who sits down. But it's the best way I've found to avoid offence and to keep my conscience clear.

Oh yes, and to answer the OP - yes, never ask. Let them tell you :)

Someone did this to me and touched my stomach! Why would you??!! I mean i was overweight but i’ve had 2 kids and theres a big difference between fat and a baby bump lol

This happens to me all the time. Once when I was interviewing someone for a job!

I need a T shirt that says “Just Fat”

I got the opposite recently - after telling a pharmacist I didn't need to pay for my medication as I was pregnant and had a maternity exemption certificate, he said "are you sure?" and eyed up my stomach. I was just into third trimester, already pretty huge and wearing a tight T-shirt, so had a fairly visible bulge.

I hate this. I went through a phase of being asked this at work and it was the year we were TTC, so it was a sensitive subject that I didn't want to discuss with colleagues I barely know.
It's never acceptable and it's none of their business.
Just come back with a snappy line- it makes them feel guilty 😂

the rule is simple: unless you can see a baby coming out of a lady you must never, ever ask someone about their pregnancy.

It's a tough one. I was very slim when I got pregnant, so my baby bump was very obviously a baby bump.

When my next door neighbour was pregnant you couldn't really tell as she put on weight everywhere, and even at 8 months she just looked like she had eaten too many pies.

Someone asked me at work, I actually had just started my period so it was period bloat. I was in agony and really upset. I nearly cried!! I'm a size 8-10 but when I get my period I do swell up. Never ever ask, since having my first dc I do have a bit of a tummy and I spent days feeling awful.

Before I had my miscarriages it would only have been an embarrassing thing to mistakenly think someone is pregnant and question them on it. Now I’ve experienced baby loss, I see there’s so much more to it.

My DM told me of a time she bumped into a distant relative many years ago who was heavily pregnant. She asked how the pregnancy was going only to be tearily told the baby had died and she was waiting to deliver .

You don’t know what’s going on in that persons life. Sure, they could just be happily pregnant but they might be suffering a loss or have recently suffered one. It could also trigger a lot of pain for someone overweight who is struggling to conceive/has had losses.

Just don’t do it.

Regarding seats on buses/trains, surely if someone looks knackered and uncomfortable standing, you offer them a seat without needing to know if it's pregnancy related or something else? Most people manage without too much angst. I've been offered seats when arthritic, without people needing medical proof/badges etc. it's just a case of being aware of people around you and seeing someone struggling.

I know it's different in London where it's busier and more anonymous. There I've been pushed, sworn at and spat at for limping/ walking slowly in the tube station. I do understand why baby badges are necessary on the tube, it brings the worst out in some people, but most other places are a bit less "pressure cooker" surely?

I'm glad to know most of you lot have more tact!

I’m fat and pregnant. The BOB badge ensures people can be sure they’re being nice and offering a seat to a pregnant woman rather than a standard fatty

As a size 28 woman, no one ever asked me if I was pregnant, even when I was 40+4. It felt a bit lonely and isolating, truly, and like I had to interject about my pregnancy (and people were surprised, I guess they thought I just had a huge belly!). But I can rest secure in the idea that my neighbors are polite.

It's rude to assume a woman who looks 40-ish, is the grandmother of a baby/toddler. Many women now have children at a slightly older age than normal. Sometimes it's their first, sometimes it's their second or third etc...

If in doubt I ALWAYS assume it's the woman's child. If it is their grandchild, they are never offended at you assuming it's their child.

I was actually in town last week, and 2 really bratty kids (around 6 and 8 y.o.) were being a PITA around the war memorial, kicking the wooden poppies about. Nothing major, just pissing about.

I was about 10 feet away and was looking at them, and was just about to say 'stop boys please...' and a lady about 55-ish asked me if they were my kids. I said no, and told her I was just about to ask them to stop though.

I am not gonna lie, I was flattered that she thought I looked young enough to have 2 kids under 10! (I am 50-ish!)