To feel sad that I will probably only have one lover

[Generallyok]

DP and I have been together for 17 years. He is a good man but of recent times I have huge regret that I didn't live a little bit before settling down. I was a late developer and although I had a few boyfriends I didn't sleep with anyone else until I met my DP. We have 2 children together and I could never do anything to hurt them but recently I have been thinking more and more that staying monogamous for the rest of my life seems rather depressing. I know it sounds so wrong to admit and would never tell anyone in real life but forever seems too long in out short lives.

Sex is like smarties, the different flavors are great. But if you eat them all you get fat.

I have only ever been with my dh (I was 20 when we met and we have been together 15 years) although he was very experienced when we met (so he more than made up for my lack of experience). I have never felt like I have missed out, although I do remember regretting making dh wait as long as I did!😂 He is a very generous lover and I had no idea just how amazing it would be!😇

We have been pretty adventurous together, there are so many different ways to explore and enjoy each other! You can use toys, role play, different positions, different techniques, you can share and fulfil each others fantasies. I appreciate its not as easy to do when you have kids! But given a long weekend away, you could have a second honeymoon. 😉

I in no way feel like I have missed out! I used to think multiple orgasms and the like were a myth, as so many friends had never experienced one, never mind multiple orgasms!

Thankfully I was wrong! My dh always takes care to make sure I fully enjoy myself! A series of shady drunken fumbles with a one night wonder could never compare to what I have with dh! We are completely in love and still have amazing sex (despite chronic pelvic pain and easy exhaustion on my side!), it is less often these days but very much worth the wait! Sex brings an incredibly emotionally deep (pardon the pun 😂) connection and bonds us together!

If you are missing something then perhaps your sex life is lacking a little oomph! If that is the case, I would speak to your dh, likely he has noticed too! Perhaps have a look on love honey for ideas/ or buy a book/ look into sex therapy. If you are in a loving, happy marriage then you should be able to achieve a fulfilling, loving and pleasurable sex life!

I don't think that the OP is being unreasonable. I think most people that hasn't experienced at least one other person in their lifetime would be curious about how sex varies from person to person.

Let's be honest, sex with someone new is usually very exciting. When you're in a new relationship, it's not unusual to have sex 10+ times a week.

I know exactly how you feel OP. Been with DH since I was 18, he was my first. I love him and am happy with our sex life but I do fairly often wonder ...

I feel the same.

Apparently this is a common regret when you approach the menopause however many you had. Apparently women may feel they are becoming undesirable and begin to regret monogamy as they start to fear in the future they will be 'stuck with what they've got'.

Think of all the STIs you never caught.

Actually, I get what you mean. I have had many lovers over the years and am glad that I had so many different experiences. I would have felt like you if I had only have had one, I'm sure. Still, you have a good marriage and that's important.

I really do understand as I have only ever slept with one person, my dh of 28 years married ( known him 31 years) I often wonder what it would be like to sleep with somebody else - i havent got a high sex drive , but its just that aspect of being curious about how another man approaches sex , the experience of something new and different, if that makes sense. i have never been tempted to do anything about it though and the thought of meeting anyone else ( if we split up or something) terrifies me to be honest. Plus the fact I am now early 50s as well. I remember telling a friend once and she laughed, thought it was funny that you could go through life with only one partner and not slept around. I felt a bit of a freak after that, but it is what it is!

I do see that it's difficult. I know that almost all my previous relationships were sexually a waste of time compared to what I experience with Dh, but I say that from a position of knowledge I suppose. Also tbh giving birth seemed to be a factor in changing that.

I like reminiscing about the guys I slept with. I look back with happiness- although there should have been more. Ive never seen my sex life as a 'waste of time'!?

Sorry op, would it help to think we all have small (or large) regrets for the paths we didn't take? That's normal.

I'm in your boat op....I just think a willy is a willy ,I don't think I'm missing out...you were incredibly fortunate to meet the love of your life so young ,some people never do.be thankful and happy you were so lucky..😀

Oh dear god..the 80s the great..your friend was a cow,and jealous

I don't think it's incredibly fortunate to meet the love of your life so young. I hope my dd doesn't.

It’s a totally understandable feeling. Doesn’t mean you need to act on it but a periodic wobble about what else is out there is par for the course i think.

Quality trumps quantity every time. I'm in my fifties and have only had 5 sexual partners which by many people's standards is low. All of mine have been serious relationships, not a single one night stand. My only regret? That I didn't meet the woman that is now my partner earlier in life. The secret to happiness is making the most of what you have, not covetting what you don't have.

Sex that is with casual encounters is just two minutes of squishy, squelchy noises, you haven't missed much OP - better to have a happy marriage (which I hope yours is) than lots of notches on the bed post.

The grass is always greener.

Eugh, what a load of horrible comments... basically putting down women who god forbid, have slept with more than one person! Describing sex with anyone other than your life partner as meaningless, overrated, not what it's cracked up to be! When actually it can leave you with loads of happy, funny memories for the rest of your life once you are settled down.

As for this one...

Think of all the STIs you never caught

Charming

I believe sex in a loving, stable relationship is by far the best

That's what I was thinking formerbabe. I guess they're just being reassuring to the OP, but to assume sex with more than one partner is meangingless, grubby fumbles etc is plainly wrong. I was in love a few times before I married 'the one' and the marriage didn't render the previous lovers meaningless. I also had a few casual encounters which weren't horrible either. Because my parents were each other's first and that had been a factor in them having affairs (though they ultimately stayed together), I made a conscious choice to go 'around the block' a bit before settling down, so that I wouldn't ever have to wonder but would feel been there/done that. I have one friend like the OP who has been with her first partner all her life. They're perfectly matched and very happy so it can work, but I know I needed to explore more first. I guess it all depends on your nature and the relationship, but yeah, doesn't mean all non-childhood sweetheart sex is undesirable, clearly not!

Same here! Only had two partners (both kind of lousy)... Sonic do wonder what's out there and I'll go and experience it!!

pinkdelight. Yes, I agree.

Why the assumption that sex before marriage is just one night stands?

Before dh I had one serious boyfriend (no regrets with him) and then about 6 flings / one-night stands. If I could go back in time I’d not bother with the 6 flings and just have my past sexual history be my ex boyfriend and dh. And I have friends in similar positions who’d now happily cut down the number of experiences they had. Even my ex boyfriend - we were together over 4 years and I literally never think about our sexual time together. I might have the odd memory in terms of our relationship pop up but the sex is a distant memory and that’s not because it was bad.

It hard when you don’t know any different not to think of what might have been but, the truth is, what might have been might have been shit lol! Sex is best in a loving relationship and chances are you’ve missed nothing IMO!