To be seriously considering giving up work and surviving on carer's allowance?

[YourHandInMyHand]

I have a child with special needs, several different conditions. I currently work 50 hours a week as a childminder. 5 x 10 hour days with no breaks. And my child at home, being home schooled as he couldn't cope in mainstream. We are (hollow laugh) waiting for a special school place.

I'm at breaking point. People think I'm some sort of wonder woman and I am NOT. I'm tired, anxious and pulled in too many different directions. I feel like I'm doing a crap job all round.

I've calculated my outgoings and what I'd get in terms of carer's and tax credits and I could manage.

I've always worked from being 14 years old, and when I stopped work for similar reasons in the past for a couple of years I did struggle with lack of identity. But we got by, and we were less stressed.

I feel awful if I quit as people rely on me. But then I think, so does my own child and at the moment he's got a pretty rough deal.

I also worry about my long term options. Will my child ever be independent? Will I ever get chance to work out of the home again, and if I do, who would hire me?

I've posted in AIBU for traffic but please be gentle, I'm feeling pretty crap and am not some cap in hand type, I've always been someone who loves to work and earn and I feel very torn and upset right now.

i don't understand how you can be a full time childminder and also home edding your child?

You can't be doing either well. No issue with you claiming benefits, i'd have a massive issue if I was paying you to childmind for me so that you could home ed your kid too.

@RebeccaWrongDaily that’s not a nice thing to say to someone is it? Especially someone who is asking for help.

I was gutted when I left my job to go onto carers allowance. I loved my job. But it got to the point where I was losing at everything. It wasn’t fair on my employers and it wasn’t fair on my child who wasn’t even In School at one point.

The one thing I would say is that it took three months for the carers allowance to be processed. It messed everything up financially and has been impossible to really get back on top of. No money for three months was hellish.

You can earn a certain amount on top of carers allowance. It might be worth seeing if you could fit some hours around that. £60 a week does not go far.

i have said i have no issue with her being on benefits.

I don't think having 2 full time jobs that run at the same time can work for anyone well. that shouldn't be controversial (I include the OP in that)

It may not be 'nice' but I think Rebecca has a good point.

You can earn £116 a week on carers (and 50% of moneys paid into a pension is not discounted from calculations).

Could you maybe do some afterschool child minding hours?

Odd, of course someone can home ed their kid at the same time as educating someone else’s!

I wouldn’t be happy personally giving up to be reliant on the state. Maybe work out your work commitments better, take advantage of any respite and rather than home ed, find a special school specific to his needs?

Could your reduce your hours and explore respite options?

From the small OP I get the sense that you like working. I’d find a way to achieve a better balance somehow.

Good luck. I wish you all the best.

@RebeccaWrongDaily she’s not choosing to Home ed out of choice?

And my issue isn’t with whether what you said was wrong or not. My point is it’s not nice to say.

Rebecca made a valid point.

Yes you can work and earn up to £116 a week on Carers Allowance but be careful because you could lose equivalent in any top up credits, income support or Universal Credit.

Do your sums very carefully benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/AboutYou

Home education can take place in the evening and weekends. It doesn't have to be 9-3.

Don't worry about what might happen in the future OP -you need to do what is right for you now. I had 2 SEN children at one point and I only ever worked part time.

You obviously have too much on your plate at the moment. Could you cut back some of your hours so you earn up to the limit to be eligible for Carers Allowance?

Be warned though I was advised last week that an application for Carers Allowance would take about 12 weeks to be processed.

And Rebecca - way to kick someone when they're down, eh? OP says she feels like she's doing a crap job so how exactly do you feel you are being helpful by telling her that she must be again?

As someone who has been on the carer's allowance/tax credit combo for my income I would say don't do it! Not to say that you should maintain the same workload that you have currently, it sounds like too much and eventually something will have to give.

Reducing your hours (if possible) is your best bet I think, living off tax credits/carer's seems like a good idea now when you are exhausted and desperate for a break but eventually your child will be an adult and then the child benefit/tax credits etc will stop. You don't want to be 10+ years (not sure how old dc is) out of the workforce and basically unemployable when that happens. If you maintain a foothold in employment I think you will be better off in the long run.

Good luck op, it is a very difficult position to be in, I know, I have been in exactly the same one myself

My son is currently doing work books and khan academy online independently whilst I work, and then the rest we do an hour each evening and stuff at weekends. He's 13.

I have found a special school that suits him. Now I have a battle to "hopefully" get him in in September 2018. An absolute joke of system but I lobe the idea of just stumbling upon the perfect special school and popping him in there.i wish or was that easy.

Until two mo the ago I was claiming g carers and childminding. I'm not a high earner and already keep very low numbers as my son struggles with crowds and noise.

My little mindees go out somewhere lovely everyday, do arts and crafts, eat wholesome home cooked food and LOVE coming to me. It's me suffering not my mindees or me. And all the parents I work with are aware my son is at home.

Sorry for typos I'm tired.

Yanbu, you need to look after yourself too. Having sen dcs is hard enough as it is

If you get or plan to apply for Tax Credits HMRC count Carers allowance as income and make a deduction from your overall award. Just something to consider when working out what you might be entitled to

Rebecca's point was fair, and - I expect - made in the spirit of trying to help the OP see the situation a bit more clearly.

I would be wary of relying solely on carer's allowance given how often you see people on here having their allowance taken away. Have you pressed for all the help you can get while keeping working?

My kids were childminded from 1st birthday ish until school and go to the same minders for after school care now. My childminder cares for her own children at the same time, as do 100s of other childminders. It has never been a problem even when one of her own kids had an infectious illness - she informed parents, and let us know the measures she was taking. I expect the OP would be similar, and the parents keep using her because she is good, and a teenager at home doesn't stop her doing her job.
Could you cut your work right back to the max you can claim on carers to 'keep your hand in' as it sounds like this situation may change come September? One part time toddler perhaps?

I'd look after your own interests tbh op.

If someone has just said I am at breaking point and I feel like I'm doing a crap job I disagree that saying You cant be doing either well is in any way constructive or 'made in the spirit of trying to help'. In what conceivable way is this useful to the OP?

As it goes, OP it sounds like you're doing a bloody amazing job for both your ds and your mindees but it's not surprising you are exhausted. But I agree that giving up work altogether can be a short term relief but can make life extremely isolating and carers can find it very difficult to get a foot back in the door if they've stopped work to care. Work gives external social contact and a structure as well as money, Is there a Carers Centre near you? It's worth talking to an adviser there. Reducing your mining hours or number of days could be a good compromise.

minding not mining - unless you've got another sideline going

Rebecca point wasn't fair at all. Those who agree home ed doesn't have to take place from 9-3. It can be done at weekends. You have no idea of what level OPs child is at so you don't know what home ed is required.