To be seriously considering giving up work and surviving on carer's allowance?

[YourHandInMyHand]

I have a child with special needs, several different conditions. I currently work 50 hours a week as a childminder. 5 x 10 hour days with no breaks. And my child at home, being home schooled as he couldn't cope in mainstream. We are (hollow laugh) waiting for a special school place.

I'm at breaking point. People think I'm some sort of wonder woman and I am NOT. I'm tired, anxious and pulled in too many different directions. I feel like I'm doing a crap job all round.

I've calculated my outgoings and what I'd get in terms of carer's and tax credits and I could manage.

I've always worked from being 14 years old, and when I stopped work for similar reasons in the past for a couple of years I did struggle with lack of identity. But we got by, and we were less stressed.

I feel awful if I quit as people rely on me. But then I think, so does my own child and at the moment he's got a pretty rough deal.

I also worry about my long term options. Will my child ever be independent? Will I ever get chance to work out of the home again, and if I do, who would hire me?

I've posted in AIBU for traffic but please be gentle, I'm feeling pretty crap and am not some cap in hand type, I've always been someone who loves to work and earn and I feel very torn and upset right now.

OP is cutting the hours that you mind a short term possibility until you know whether ds gets a place, or perhaps staying registered and up to date on training, but take a break for a few months, and coming back to it later when ds is more settled?

It’s damn hard, I’ve been there, and I carried on for a while feeling like you do now, but my own health suffered.
1st and foremost you have to put yourself first, your parents will understand.

Rebeccas point was rubbish and shows ignorance towards home edding. I know child minders who home ed and i know other home edders that work employed and/or self employed. Thats the beauty of home ed, you can do hours to suit both the parent and the child.

But back to the op, i wouldnt give up work in the current climate due to the shitstorm that is universal credit but try to hold out for your sons special school place.

Its very hard and respite was cut for most years ago and special school places are rare and hard to get. Its like they enjoy making you jump through hoops and before you know it years have gone by.

to you op, if you can hold on for longer, maybe have less mindees if possible.

I wouldnt choose to leave a job now with universal credit if i had a choice. You may trigger a change of circumstances and put yourself on universal credit, depending if you live in a full service area and then you would have less money than on tax credits. Have you looked at that?

Goodluck op.

Let's stop argue over rebecca and start making suggestions for the Op.

I remember being in your shoes. I went PT for 18 months and took a break from work for 16 weeks. I was under enormous pressure to stop working and realized that actually this was the worst thing I could do for me, my SEN DS and therefore my family.

I fully understand your dilemma and I think applying for the allowance and only doing before/after school hours makes the most sense. You really need to advocate for your DC and advocating sadly happens during office hours. You need to have clear recorded communications with your LEA about the special needs school. You should also speak to your MP and be clear that your DC is being denied an education. If you can afford it or find a law school with a pro bono practice do think about hiring a lawyer to add weight to your advocacy.

It's so easy to stop working but it does leave you very vulnerable later on. Your DS isn't going to magically get better. Keeping an income will only help you in the long run.

I was going to say could you reduce your hours and still claim but it sounds from one of your posts that you tried that. You can get a £45 income support top up if you have no other income, this means you should get housing benefit . Have a play around on a site which tells you your benefits first. The income support is fairly quick but carers can take up to 12 weeks.
I would definitely try and keep up your registration etc so you can return to childminding if you need to.
Do what's best for you.

I did it OP. I survive. I have enough money to pay the bills and eat, I have the heating on throughout winter for DD and use the washer and dryer daily. DD is on higher rate DLA so that covers anything she needs. I’ve not much ‘disposable’ income but we’re ok.

I couldn’t work, caring for DD is a full time job. She goes to a special needs school but as posted above, advocating, appointments and organising her life happens during office hours. I’m on duty 7-midnight and throughout the night. Plus she’s too complex for childcare!

Sorry for not replying much, I ended up having a good cry and going to bed.

I've worked less hours and at the moment that wouldn't make much of a difference to my predicament and would complicate things money wise. I currently only look after under 5s. I had to stop school aged children as I couldn't commit to school runs as DS's special needs transport was turning up all over the place time wise and is very tying. Obviously that's not an issue at the moment but will be once he's back at school, so school run age kids aren't an option at the moment.

I've been on carer's allowance for years whilst also child minding, and it was only recently I told carer's allowance to stop paying me as I was just over the income threshold to receive it.

I'm not a single parent, DP works full time and we split the bills. We're not in a UC area, and already claim tax credits (I get a little child tax credit as DS has disabilities).

I think what I want to do is give all my clients notice but keep my registration open?, focus on DS, and then when he is back in school either build back up or do something else. I just feel so crappy that I'm even thinking about it.

The parents who pointed out I need to advocate for DS during office hours have hit the nail on the head. Sadly battling for help for kids with special needs is very time consuming. He gets 3 hours a week respite, which we are currently using in my work hours so HE gets respite from my job. Respite is like winning the lottery, I know families with several dcs with special needs who get zero respite. DS's hours are more about him needing to be taken out in the community without me by his side (a carer takes him instead).

i did it i get carers allowance child tax credits ,some housing benefit and ds DLA my dh works tjough full time just over minimum wage tbh we are not much worse off it works for us.

You need to sit down with a benefits adviser who works with Carers. Google Carers Trust and it will give you your local Carers centre. If they don't have a benefits worker than CAB should be able to help.
What rates DLA is your son on? Have you got a disability social worker?

Home education only takes a couple of hours a day. You can do this in the evening so no Rebecca's point was an ignorant one. OP I have two sons with autism and lots of other conditions. The masses of appointments are crippling and for four years I lived on carers allowance and DLA because I could not manage to work as well. There is no shame in it. You need to care for yourself as well as your child because if you go down so will he. If you can survive do it. Later on you will find things get better as they get older and I can now work again with a bit of paid help. For now it seems the best thing for you. Good Luck.

Of course you can home ed and childmind - anyone who thinks differently is just ignorant about home ed.

I think you need more time to think through all the implications. Would being out the workforce for a period of time make a difference to you - in some careers it would but in others not so much. But i kinda feel any skills you are gaining from childminding to go on a job application would also be valid to say come from home ed and having a child with special needs - so in my view this would not be an issue.

I would get advice on the Benefit situation so you really know where you will be.

Ultimately though I would not worry too much about all the if buts and maybe that could happen in the future.

In my experience doing what is right for you and your family in the here and now normally works put for the best in the long run

I had to stop working when I was 29 due to severe and progressive illness. It absolutely destroyed me mentally for a couple of years - I've always been extremely hard working and ambitious, never had to rely on anyone else for money, it ruined my self esteem. Couldn't get disability benefits, started working for myself in very small and manageable doses. My DH was fantastic and supportive emotionally and financially - he saw what was happening to me and knew I would end up in hospital longterm or worse.

Once I accepted it and focussed on doing things for myself, my life completed changed. I don't make much money but my quality of life is so much better. I'm now a SAHM mum to our one year old twins, one of whom has a serious illness that requires a lot of additional care but unsurprisingly turned down for DLA so no CA, at least until he's older and they can understand his care needs better.

Do what's right for you. Your job does not define you. You are going to break yourself.

I stopped work to be a carer for DS. It was exhausting and frustrating trying to balance the two demands - DS was getting excluded from school and I couldn't focus at work due to having to juggle the school, LA and specialists calling me, and taking time off for regular appointments. He goes to a special school now and during school hours I can access social activities for myself, so I don't feel the need to work just to have a social network or structure.

Financially I haven't found it too bad - we get enhanced rate PIP for DS, Carers Allowance, income support, housing benefit (council flat so no top ups needed), child benefit, child tax credit (with premiums) and council tax reduction. Realistically DS will never be independent and will continue living at home, so I have no plans to return to work. My tax credits and child benefit will stop when DS leaves school, but DS will get ESA which will help offset some of that loss. Yes I'll have to transfer to UC at some point but carers aren't required to do jobseeking activity and there will be transitional protection.

Rebeccawong daily

Thanks everyone that has given helpful comments.

I've just driven 150 miles for a paediatrician appointment, and will do the same drive again in the morning. Had a lot of time to think on the car journey whilst driving and I think I need to put my health first, so that I can fight for my son.

I will keep my work registration open and then once he is back in a (suitable, specialist) school I will reassess my work options. When he was little and we were fighting for things like support and diagnosis I naiively thought that by now I'd be done fighting. I'll never be done fighting for the basics for him and that's just bloody well tiring, overwhelming and depressing!

Yes I think you need to focus on you and your son right now and you have a job you can go back to when the time is right. You’ll manage.