To not automatically give eldest dc biggest room?

[BastardGoDarkly]

We're moving (yes, I have another thread, I'm excited ok? )

Dc will finally have a room each, ds 10 and ds 6.

When we were growing up, my brother always got the biggest room wherever we moved (forces, so moved frequently)

I never thought this was fair, obviously! But still don't think it is necessarily.

What do you think?

Wibu to flip a coin with them?

Bastard

And that sounds very rude! Enjoy your new house how exciting. :)

I am the eldest and I had the smallest room. Initially my parents had my sister and me in a massive bedroom sharing but she drove me mad so after a relative stayed over in the box room on a mattress on the floor, I started sleeping in there. Best day ever was coming home from school and finding my parents had moved all my stuff into it. It was worth the sacrifice of the big room

Whatever you decide, it doesn't have to be permanent.
I have 3 sons, with 2 big bedrooms and a tiny single room to put them in. We have swapped them around several times. Its not a good idea for any of them to think they have permanent rights over the biggest room.
At one point they were swapping almost yearly.

We found DS1 often chose to have the smaller room as it was cosier (for want of a better expression). AS others have said, he had less 'toys' than the younger two but it did then end up meaning less room for sleepovers (which some may consider a blessing)

Withhold your opinion based on your own childhood and see what the kids say. As others suggest they might have their own ideas and agree between them because of wanting different things.

My mother was the younger sister and my entire childhood (as the eldest) as mapped out by her resentment that her older brother was allowed to do things she wasn't. She was convinced, for some odd reason, that rather than her being given more but separate freedom he should have been made to take her with him! I'm sure she saw viewing the sibling relationship from the point of view of a child not her new role as a mother. She was determined to rework her childhood through her own children I think, even though her children were very different indeed...

I find its hard not to repeat that cycle - going so far in the opposite direction to my parent's misguided choices that my own choices are equally irrational.

It doesn't matter to your children what bedroom you and your brother had, your children are different, individual, people - consider their wants and needs on their merits.

Oldest will be a teenager soon - will be unfair to give them the smallest room when that's where they'll spend most of their time at home.

rad i actually wondered of youd name changed for a second there till you replird

Growing up in a house with two large bedrooms and I small bedroom
my two sisters and I were always swopping round.
Two would share the big room and one would have the small. It depended on who had fallen out with whom as to who had which bed, and it changed almost monthly in the difficult teenage years.

@Pretend@ 😅

Why don't they share then you can have a spare room? At least they'll be equal

Swap around so they can both have a go at having the biggest room.
I haven’t done that with the two and I regret it.

And then yes ask them what they think.

And take their age into account.
At 6yo, your dd will have quite. Few years with toys, dolls etc... (so will need some space)
Whereas at 10yo, your ds will soon be in secondary and be Moreno interested by iPod and speakers etc... than toys.

Rubies12345 - except boy10 will be going through puberty soon and might appreciate some space form girl6. Soon enough she'll hit puberty and may not want to deal with that in from of her teenage brother. All for the sake of having a spare room..
Equal means both having a bed, a room, loving parents and a room picked with the beat of intentions. Not given identical irrespective of whether it meets their needs

I would say that at 10 my eldest was never in her room except to sleep, but a year later she was in it a lot more by herself, and took friends up there for hours which she hadn't done before - they change very fast.

My elder two never played in their rooms at age 6 - they might as well just have had a cupboard each to store their things in and a tiny room to sleep in. Youngest does play in his though. Age/ birth order is far less relevant than personality.

I'm not convinced by the argument that you move the kids around regularly though - for one thing its a big deal to have a room of your own and it be your own space to decorate how you want, and know it's the one space that's truly yours, and for another the hassle is huge! Our kids have solid beds and their own specific desk they chose for themselves, it would be hours of work to dismantle and move those - they all chose the beds on the understanding they'd be stuck with them til they moved out, and they all chose the desk they have when they started getting enough homework to need a desk. Some of DD's bedroom furniture was given as part of a birthday present as she wanted specific unnecessary things. She also has an aquarium in her room which she saved up for and bought with her own money. Presumably the people who move their kids between rooms don't move furniture?

I am another "ask them".

My sister and I used to swap rooms occasionally too but when we moved I went for the smaller one because we didn't have a guest room and the one with the bigger room used to have to give it up for grandparents etc if they stayed whilst the other had to use the camp bed in the smaller room!

My daughter has the bigger room. She is 5. Son is 7. She has more stuff than him. Son has the box room

I would see what they prefer, they might want different rooms anyway. If they both want the big room, put child in it who needs the space the most at this stage in it. However, after 2 years or when the rooms need a bit of paint offer a swap if the one in the smallest room wants it at that stage.

Always feel a bit guilty as my eldest always had the smallest room due to the fact he liked the idea of a high sleeper and youngest was scared to sleep up high! There wasn't much room if you didn't have a high sleeper.

I'm a twin, and up until 7, my sister and I shared a room.

When we then moved, the parents asked who wanted the bigger room. I wanted the smaller (significantly smaller) room. I had a few reasons for this - it was appropriately proportioned for blanket forts, had a double fitted wardrobe, and I didn't have a lot of "stuff"

The point is, ask the kids. My mum has said she would have had us draw straws if we couldn't decide.

Yea ask them.

I had the bigger room as a child. I spent loads of time on my own playing whereas my brother hated being alone and wanted to play where my mum was. Also he couldn't be trusted not to mess with my toys in shared rooms whereas I would leave his alone.

Also discuss swapping rooms around - this might resolve the issue if they are happy to do so, or it might resolve it differently - I would have chosen the smaller room rather than regularly swapping because it was important to me to be able to decorate it how I wanted (but mostly for it to feel like "my" room).

Rubies we're only leaving our be loved house here, because the kids are sharing, and its so time for them to have their own space.

Evelyn you're very wise, I do tend to project my childhood experience onto my two, same sex and age difference makes it very hard not to do, I probably see DDS pov much easier than ds in all honesty!

But I'm always fair I feel, and don't want something they can't change to determine who gets what they really want.

I'm planning on getting them both high sleepers actually, with desks underneath for the future.

This is a two doubles one box room house, so just hoping and praying someone falls in love with the boxroom

Update! (as I know none of you have slept thinking about it )

Saw box room first, its painted soft peach with a lovely thick cream carpet, so dd was half sold on it being hers already, then saw other double which was stacked full of junk, and a hideous carpet, ds could obviously see through this and offered (so kindly) to have it as his room, DD was delighted, and thinks she got one over on her brother

Ooo, I love an update!

There we go OP, life is good!

In my mums house me & my sister shared so we had the biggest room, then I moved into the smallest room once it was converted and my brother stayed in the middle room. Mainly because me & my brother didnt have a lot of stuff but my sister had alot of art gear

My youngest has the biggest room for play space. Middle wanted a room overlooking the garden so she has the smallest room and biggest has the middle sized room because he wasn't fussed so had what was left.

Fab update! Re high sleepers, might find that they get too tall to get into them comfortably before you know it! Brought DD a midsleeper from a lady whose DD kept nutting herself whilst getting into bed

:o great update!