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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have lost it with dh this morning and screamed at him like some deranged mad woman?

49 replies

ComeOVeneer · 17/04/2007 09:39

Dh is terrible at getting up in the morning. The alarm is ringing and ringing and he doean't get up. I shove and prod periodically and just get grunts. Eventually I give up get myselfand the kids up, dressed, fed, and ready to leave for school. He saunters down at the last minute, (we drop him at the station first then to school, this means we need to leave 20mins earlier than if it was just the school run). I say "we won't make your train". He responds "It is ok you can drop me at the station after the school run for a later train". So now we have rushed around to get ready so he can make his train and now have to twiddle our thumbs for 20 mins as he has Oh so graciously decided to take a later train. This is the point I flipped. Is it so unresonable to expect him to get up on time to help get the kids readyand make it so he can get to his bl**dy train on time?

OP posts:
Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 17/04/2007 09:40

Right I feel better now. Just letting of some steam

OP posts:
SugaryBits · 17/04/2007 09:42

No you are not being unreasonable. Have you tried involving a large bucket of water in the wake up process?!

JustUsTwo · 17/04/2007 09:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumto3girls · 17/04/2007 09:42

Glad you feel better..is this usual for him or is he especially tired today?

Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 17/04/2007 09:43

Doubt it would work, plus I then would end up having to sort the bed out so we could sleepin it that night, good idea though.

OP posts:
wildwoman · 17/04/2007 09:43

I'd have driven off without him so no you are not being unreasonable!

Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 17/04/2007 09:48

He is constantly tired. I know he works hard, and he often has trouble getting to sleep. However I also have sleep problems, I get to sleep fine, but often wake up and am awake for a good couple of hours, however I make the effort to get up when I need to. For instance this weekend past, I was to get up on Sat with kids and him Sunday. Sat he surfaced at 12.30pm, and Sunday I spent 1/2 an hour digging him in the ribs before I gave up. He surfaced at 11am. . The trouble is he really seems unable to wake up.

OP posts:
JustUsTwo · 17/04/2007 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

princesscc · 17/04/2007 09:51

That took me right back to when me & dh used to travel to work together! I feel your pain! I gave up waking him up. He is an adult after all. If he isn't bothered about getting the later train, leave him in bed and then 15mins before you need to leave for school, tell him you tried to wake him up and now he has 15mins to get up & out or he won't even catch the late train!

RedFraggle · 17/04/2007 10:59

This would drive me nuts so you are not unreasonable as far as I am concerned!
I would be very harsh and say (the night before) "We are leaving the house at X O'clock if you are not in the hallway ready then you will have to find your own way." And stick to this plan! Do not make any attempt to get him up - he has an alarm clock FGS.
Either he will get fed up with you going without him and will therefore be up and ready, or he will discover an alternative arrangement that suits him that doesn't involve you. Either way, it won't be your problem!
I get really annoyed with men who push their wives in to the situation of taking on a "Mum" role with them. Can you tell....

bewilderbeast · 17/04/2007 11:01

my dp is exactly like this and it drives me nuts so no you aren't being unreasonable

dejags · 17/04/2007 11:03

12.30pm on Sat and 11.30 on Sun - COV you are a saint!!!!

I'd have done more than shout and scream like a mad woman.

I'd sit him down later and lay down the law. Sorry but I just wouldn't stand for that.

DimpledThighs · 17/04/2007 11:04

does he have sleep aponea?

DimpledThighs · 17/04/2007 11:04

if not he should go to bed earlier!

NotQuiteCockney · 17/04/2007 11:05

Is Ferberizing an option? DH used to sleep in a fair bit on the weekend, and then have problems waking in the week - this is normal! And it's not good for you, anyway, it's living like a shift worker. It's much healthier, and more pleasant, to get up at roughly the same time every day. An hour's shift here and here, fine, but more than that is a non-starter.

Could you say 'you need to start getting up easier in the week, or you will have to stop having lie-ins in the weekend?'

Alternatively, see it as Not Your Problem. Leave when you need to leave, don't hurry for him if he's showing no sign of getting himself up, leave him to get himself to the station if he's late.

oliveoil · 17/04/2007 11:07

when dh wants a lie in (ie after 8am in this house) I open the door at the bottom of the stairs and say NO, PLEASE BE QUIET DD1 AND DD2, DADDY IS TRYING TO SLEEP, PLEASE PUT THAT WHISTLE DOWN....OH DEAR, WE ARE LOUD THIS MORNING

he comes down soon after

Daisybump · 17/04/2007 11:08

Methinks you should cut him out of the morning routine and let him make his own way to the station. As someone else said, he's a grown up and should be able to look after himself.

You could always buy him a bike to help him get there.....the exercise would make him sleep better, LOL

agnesnitt · 17/04/2007 11:08

RedFraggle speaks sense. When the alarm goes off get up and get on, if he's not ready when you hit the door it's his issue.

Best of luck to the original poster

Agnes

LilRedWG · 17/04/2007 11:09

Not unreasonable at all! But... is it worth him going for a check up at the doctors? He should not be this tired!

mytwopenceworth · 17/04/2007 11:12

well, first rule out any medical problem - someone mentioned sleep apnoea for starters. is he feeling low? depression can make it hard to get to sleep at night and can also make you not want to get up in the morning. once you have established (i hope) that there is no reason for his behaviour, then i would suggest either not waking him at all, getting the kids ready and going. refusing to drop him at the station or telling him you will not drop him off unless he gets up and helps out with the morning routine. (and if he doesn't, don't).

at the moment, he knows you will do it all, he can sleep in and you will still ferry him about. this needs to change. then see if he still can't wake up in the mornings!

and as for weekends. you each get 1 lie in. this is Couple Law. if you talk to him and he still does not do this, direct action may be required. perhaps send the kids in to him and bugger off out very early every weekend. even if this means sitting in the car in tesco car park with the papers at 8am every sunday, until he gets the message!

and show him this thread, see if it shames him into change.

OI, MR COVEOVENEER - WAKE UP AND STOP TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOUR LOVELY WIFE!!!!!!!

suzycreamcheese · 17/04/2007 11:15

what is his diet like?..more oomphf needed maybe..

mytwopenceworth · 17/04/2007 11:20

or better still, withdraw the 'oomphf' until he starts helping out!!

Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 17/04/2007 11:36

Diet is preety good. Certainly what he gets at home, can't vouch for whilst at work. I cook everything from scratch, plenty of organic fruit veg, fish, chicken, not fried etc. He has laways been more of a night person, but now we have children it needs to change. I don't want to be a nagging wife, but.....

OP posts:
suzycreamcheese · 17/04/2007 11:39

how old are your kids? dont think you are unreasonable at all...

Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 17/04/2007 11:40

Kids are 5 and 2

OP posts:
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