To have lost it with dh this morning and screamed at him like some deranged mad woman?

[ComeOVeneer]

Dh is terrible at getting up in the morning. The alarm is ringing and ringing and he doean't get up. I shove and prod periodically and just get grunts. Eventually I give up get myselfand the kids up, dressed, fed, and ready to leave for school. He saunters down at the last minute, (we drop him at the station first then to school, this means we need to leave 20mins earlier than if it was just the school run). I say "we won't make your train". He responds "It is ok you can drop me at the station after the school run for a later train". So now we have rushed around to get ready so he can make his train and now have to twiddle our thumbs for 20 mins as he has Oh so graciously decided to take a later train. This is the point I flipped. Is it so unresonable to expect him to get up on time to help get the kids readyand make it so he can get to his bl**dy train on time?

I like the idea of tesco and the papers, or maybe a local coffee shop and a good book?

Agnes
(still evil)

sounds like my dp.... 5 years down the line and i still can't figure out how to get him up

Totally agree YANBU. It makes me cringe when men do this. As Redfraggle said he is putting you in the role of mum to him as well as his kids and I don't know about you but I would find it hard to respect a man who does this....

And it's true, it is couple law that you each get a lie in on the weekends! Don't let him get away with it. Go out! Just tell him you're off for a swim or something, and let the kids loose on getting him out of bed, no 5 yr old and 2 yr old tag team has EVER failed to get a grown man out of bed.

I think you need to assert your rights here.

And take a step back. Do not be his mum. He is a big boy now and needs to take responsibility for his kids, and for getting himself to work.

He sounds like my 18 year old son. In 19 years of marriage my husband would always get up in time. Give him morning tasks. My husband used to get 3 children's breakfasts and dressed for school whilst I fed the twins. He was the one who put on the dishwasher and washer before we left etc. Modern marriages in 2007 have fair division of labour.

I agree he is not being fair. His time is obviously so much more important than yours and the children's, so you can all get ready in time for his train and then just hang around, of course, that is perfectly reasonable - NOT. I think Xenia is right here. DH is not a morning person, but he is in charge of the DC's breakfasts on days when I work. So I get up, get myself ready, get the children washed and DD dressed and her hair done, and then swan out of the house at 7.20 am and leave him to it.

He's turning you into his mum!

Two choices: 1) You give up on his morning crapness and make the most of his other qualities by giving him late night tasks to do, such as doing the washing up etc.
2) As others have suggested you calmly tell him that you need to leave at such and such a time, and then don't nag or prod him - just leave without him if he's not there. He's an adult, he needs to start acting like one.

I am lucky that DH is a morning person (more than me in fact) but if I feel I am owed a lie-in and DH is not co-operating then I get up and go and lie on the sofa in the living room and put DS in the bed with DH. So neither of us gets a lie-in but at least I am downstairs relaxing on the sofa while DH is baby-wrangling. Strangely he usually gets up quite quickly after that...

I would sit him down tonight, apologise for losing it this morning, and then tell him calmly that from now on he is his own responsibility in the mornings. If he can get himself ready on time he can have a lift. Otherwise you will go without him.

Or give him 2 last chances and then leave the 20 minutes later that suits you and the children and then he comes with you for the later train. Even then it's not fair. Can't he get the children up on alternate days and if he doesn't for the first few times they're late for school but not your issue?

yeh dont be his mum too! agree with greensleeves...if you are ready i'll take you there are two kids already blah blah...

5 and 2 though he should be used to it by now!

I think Greensleeves is being lenient on him, tbh. I don't think its good enough that he should only be responsible for getting himself ready. He should be helping you with the children.

If he has a sleep problem and is always tired he should be trying to sort this out for himself: visit to Docs, whatever.

I'm afraid its just not good enough. How DO you put up with it? So, in answer to the OP, no you are definitely NOT being unreasonable.

Perhaps he should go to bed earlier the night before?

Personally I'd drop him at the station at whatever time you get there and let him wait by himself for whatever train - do that a few times in the cold weather and he'll learn to get his a*se into gear.

Or leave him snoring whilst you take the children to school .

God I know what you mean, let us know if you solve this one....my boyfriend is crap with getting up too, he used to set three alarms all to go off at the same time at 6am, which was distressing as all the alarms were down his side of the bed, and I just couldn't wake him up to turn them off. He'd quite happily have them all going off for 20 mins or more.

Most of the time he would ignore me and turn over. Sometimes he was disorientated and would say "I have turned them off" when all three were blaring away, which was intensely irritating!!

We used to end up having a blazing row about it most mornings, usually culminating in me starting to shout, or stomping round to his side of the bed to turn the buggers off. When he finally got up he'd be really pissed off, and jealous that I got an extra half an hour before my alarm went off for work.

Since I've come out of work I've put my foot down, stolen all his alarms, now use only one, and set it for half an hour later (I discovered he was getting up an hour earlier than necessary so he could play on his computer ffs!)

I now -for the sake of argument- talk to him and make him answer until I can tell he's actually responding, then get up with him, make him a coffee and do his lunch. Still a bit too much like being his Mum, I know, but for us it's a lot of progress after two years of arguments!

I don't think it's anything like sleep apneoa (sp?) he just plays on his laptop and eats sweets til after midnight. I have no idea what it's going to be like when baby arrives and I've been up half the night with it and he STILL can't wake up by himself.

Redfraggle has exactly the right idea.

COV do you work? I have a funny feeling he thinks the kids are your job.

i blame the parents.

how many parents make their (older) kids getting up on time their job? loads.

when they are younger yes, you do it, but a teenager needs to be getting up alone. well, with an alarm. parents go to all kinds of lengths getting them up when, really, the best thing to do is buy them an alarm clock and say 'its your responsibility. this is step one on the road to adulthood'

if they are late for school/college/work. it is their own fault. it's the only way they'll learn.

i know parents who are still spending an hour or more in the mornings trying to get their over 18's out of bed! bugger them!

this is why your blokes can't get up, their mums used give up their morning knocking, shaking, even phoning their mobile from downstairs ffs, bringing cups of tea, laying out clothes and now they expect YOU to do the same.

Stop it.

AND imo, you should stop doing it for your teen (or teen+). you help them more by not helping them, iyswim.

maybe he dislikes his job and wants to stay at home with the rest of you

ComeOVeneer first I would like to know just what the hell you think you are doing living with both my DH1 and my new DP???? Or are they both the same person and now gone off to marry you, as your DH sounds like both of them....

No you are not being unreasonable, If were you I would have A] dropped your DH off on the way to the school and let him sit and wait for the next train, or B}hit him with the frying pan.

I've got 3 teenagers through that stage recently. One thing we did was get them all through their driving test at 17 so the school bus rush disappeared but that meant they had to get themselves up. But I did go into the 22 year old this morning to see if she was getting up for her classes today as she seemed to be later than usual (she was already dressed) and I sometimes go up and wake the 18 year old if I think he's sleeping beyond the time he needs but I don't feel responsible for it any more.

When I had to get 3 of them down to catch 3 school coaches for 7.45am with baby twins ready in the car too that was not a very pleasant phase.

They got the school coaches on their own, one of them from age 5 but they needed to be driven to the school coach pick up point as a bit far to walk at that time of day given where we live.