Group holidays - yay or nay?

[Findmysocks]

My Dh and his friends are wanting to go on a big group holiday. We all have kids near enough around the same ages and apparently it's going to be great all staying in the same villa. It will be 4/5 families in this villa.

My Dh was all excited when he told me about this the other night, then disappointed I didn't share his enthusiasm. Now he's pissed off and won't even talk about it. He'd messaged his friends telling them I thought it was a bad idea, I wanted a villa for ourselves and was worried that the kids wouldn't get along. Fair enough things I all said but I wasn't expecting my Dh to tell them that.

For me it sounds like a complete nightmare and my anxiety levels shot up at the thought. We don't see his friends very often, maybe once or twice a year at weddings or the occasional birthday. It doesn't sound relaxing to me, I like my space and feel claustrophobic being around large groups for long periods of time. I even get stressed out having family over for birthdays.

Please be honest and tell me if I'm overreacting and give me your stories, good or bad!

Only if everyone has their own space to retreat to when it becomes overwhelming. No way would I share a villa.

We've done this a few times and it's been great,but we see the other families a lot and the kids have all grown up together (now teens).

I'm not sure I'd be as keen in your situation as you don't see that much of them.

We do it a lot and it's great. Everyone needs to be easy going though or there could be drama.

The kids love these holidays more than any other.

Ignore you have a good group of friends with the same parenting style, values and ideas of what makes a good holiday, and everyone properly mucks in with cooking/clearing up etc then it’s great.

Otherwise, no.

You can sometimes get a group of apartments that share their own pool. Would something like that work?

We also go away with friends and love it.

However if you have mental health issues, claustrophobia, anxiety, stress it may not be ideal for you, but I think you should demonstrate you are doing something to help yourself, as it’s not fair for your husband to miss out on stuff he really wants to do if you’re not doing anything to help yourself.

Well, he should have given you a few days before he started messaging his friends to come round to the idea!
I think it would be fun, all the families and kids in together, but he's gone and made it awkward now.

I would love it, but it would be my DHs idea of hell! He likes to chill out and not talk to anyone (apart from us!) on holiday.

Depends on the villa. If it has 2 living/entertaining areas so you can retreat from the group if needed it can work really well. The kids will all distract each other and you get loads of time free. Are you able to enjoy solo stuff while there - walking, baths etc - or do you realistically know he's going to leave most of the childcare to you and leave you stressed from that and socialising?
When we do this, I usually arrange a few solo family only activites or day trips, and spend a lot of time reading a book up the garden. I like people but need solo time too or I go mad.

We shared a villa... Once... With extended family...

I think it COULD be brilliant...

You need to ensure your parenting views coincide...
And that everyone pulls their weight if you're self catering...not just the cooking but the buying, preparing and clearing up afterwards.

Everyone agreed before we left.. Cue... Parents wandering off to the local town for hours without mentioning us.. Leaving us to supervise their badly behaved small kids around a swimming pool...

On their turn to cook, we were suddenly suggested that we go to an expensive restaurant... Which would have been fine... If they remembered their wallets...

It was hellish... I couldn't quite believe people I knew well.. I thought could behave so badly...
4 of us ended up with all the food prep/cooking /clearing up and default babysitting....

Really expensive holiday too...

Thank you for all your comments!

I think I'm just letting my worries get in the way. If they are serious about arranging this then we really should all be making more of an effort to meet up and spend time all together.

The idea of separate apartments with a shared pool sounds a great suggestion! I'd already said if we do go we need to together as a family too.

I have been working on my issues and have improved but it's something that always bubbles in the back of my mind. Trying not to let it hold me back.

I don't think my Dh would leave me to parent alone while he drinks with his friends, he's usually pretty hands on with the kids.

NFW! You're not overreacting. I'm not particularly anxious but this is my idea of hell. People fall out over parenting, money (there's always one pisstaker in the bunch), cooking and cleaning, food, etc.

Oh, and with little kids who weren't competent swimmers? Nah.

We did an extended family holiday this year and against my better judgement I was railroaded into agreeing. I like my own space and company and I'm not particularly anxious normally but in the months leading up to it my anxiety levels were through the roof.

I just knew it wasn't going to work. Dh had an idealised picture in his head that this was going to be the best holiday ever.

As it turned out, there were too many personality clashes. One person totally monopolising the holiday and creating huge divides between family members and totally ostracising one particular member completely for her own gain.
The total selfishness and disregard for others was astounding.

There was arguing, bitching, backhanded comments, backstabbing, upset and tears that continued throughout the week. I wanted to leave after 3 days.

Dh though did agree with me once we arrived home.....never again!

So if you are having worries now that it won't work.....then it probably won't.

After 2 hols with other families I swore never again.
First was camping - we had a caravan and took a weeks shopping +meal plan - not super organised but necessarily so with several dc.
The other family rocked up with trailer tent +1 cooked chicken.
Rained for a week and guess who hosted?
Second was camping in Spain (different family) we hosted for the 2 families, lots of dc, cooked all sorts to cater for everyone.
Their turn she declared the campsite shop was closed and refused to reschedule!!
Never ever again.

Group holidays can be great but I'd keep it quite short as everyone's tolerance levels decrease as time goes on.

Sounds like hell!

I wouldn't mind if separate accommodation, with people I knew well and felt comfortable with and we were similar people, so no pisstaking etc. This situation, nope, I wouldn't like it at all. I need to feel comfortable with people.

That would be horrific. I would not even consider it, no matter how much my husband wanted it.

It is your holiday too, and you don't want that - what you think matters too.

I wouldn't have a problem going away with a group, provided we had our own separate accommodation.

I cannot think of anything worse than having to share my space in a villa with a group of families. The thought of that would kill me. No from me subject to the above separate accommodation compromise.

If you each had your own accommodation, that would be great. But sharing a villa? No fucking way. You know you and 2-3 other women will end up cooking and cleaning for 20 people and it will be more exhausting and stressful than staying at home. Then there’s the painful talks about splitting bills, who gets the bigger rooms etc. Sound awful and stressful.
Also - your DH is a fucking DICKHEAD for messaging the others. Awful behaviour on his part. Sounds like he wants a holiday with his friends, not a holiday with you, and is willing to throw you under the bus for it. He’s just made you look really bad in front of his friends - “look at me, I’m so cool but I have a bitch of a wife”. Nice

My idea of hell, all sharing a villa. We also have a big friendship group and this is touted every so often by the blokes - we ladies all veto it - as much as we like each other in small doese ther are some big personalities that would clash after (a) too much alcohol (b) too much time together. We've told them they can go off on a lads holiday somewhere - but as none of them are capable of co-ordinating diaries and booking anything , this will remain forever, their pipe dream .

We're all quite happy to go away for weekends, hotel, rooms on different floors etc.

4/5 families in one villa? Frankly unless said villa is Buckingham Palace you are going to be on top of each other. Someone will need to take charge of the meal planning, organisation, cleaning etc, otherwise it will fall to the same few people and resentment will build.

It only works if you have the space to retreat from the group. Plan to have the odd day out as a family rather than doing absolutely everything together every day.

See it as dodging a bullet!

In a moment of weakness, I’ve been railroaded into an extended family holiday next year which we’re basically doing out of a sense of family duty/emotional blackmail/guilt. We’ve managed to opt out for a few years after some particularly stressful en masse family holidays in the past. As usual, everyone is sharing one large property because ILS are still suffering the delusion that it harbours family harmony. My stress levels are rising just thinking about it. Avoid if you can help it.

With one or maybe two families that you get on really well with maybe. But that many people (who really sound like your dh's friends more than yours) is too many. There are bound to be differences of opinions and tensions. Even if it's only for a short time, it's hard living with people who aren't your family.

Also, as the saying goes, hell is other people's children.

He should have really kept your discussion private. I’d be really annoyed if my husband did that.

I hate group holidays. Possibly different villas with shared pool but only on the understanding that not everything has to be a group activity (eg you can go for dinner without arranging for everyone).

I love group holidays. For 3 nights max - long weekend bring it on. Summer holiday that we are spending alot on - no way we relish the relaxation of just being us would hate to have other people there.

The thought of spending my precious summer holiday with other peoples kids...dear god no way.