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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weird washing up behaviour!

45 replies

ShimmerAndShite · 15/11/2017 07:51

My OH refuses to use our dishwasher. I think in the 6 months we've had it he has put a couple of pieces of cutlery in and taken something out that he needs that's in there when it hasn't been emptied yet. Sometimes though he will wash the stuff up instead of putting it in the dishwasher which then means I need to dry it and put it away as I got rid of our dish drainer when we got the dishwasher. It also means that we run out of stuff that we need as it takes longer to fill before it can be put on so I then need to wash stuff up before meals for example.

This morning though I have noticed that he has washed up a load of stuff that could go in the dishwasher (apart from the stuff that he left in the cold dirty water that I then had to fish out) BUT left the stuff that needs to be washed by hand like the wooden chopping boards.

Please tell me I'm not on my own in finding this weird and annoying?!

OP posts:
Fruitcocktail6 · 15/11/2017 07:54

Very bizarre. We had lodgers that did this a few years ago, it resulted in piles of washing up being left to dry on the drainer. They were asked to leave after a few months.

Iris65 · 15/11/2017 07:56

Sounds passive aggressive to me.

Kidsarekarma · 15/11/2017 07:57

If he leaves dishes on the draining board I'd put them in the dishwasher, no way would I be drying up.

Only1scoop · 15/11/2017 08:00

OH does this

Uses loads of fairy liquid tooHmm

I just shove it all back in DW

Drives me mad

Anymajordude · 15/11/2017 08:03

LTB Grin

FinallyHere · 15/11/2017 08:11

DH would maybe admit to a couple of faults, but one thing he taught me is that you can run the dish washer any time that is convenient to your lifestyle. It may not be ideal, it may not be mechanically efficient but it may work for your household to just run it each evening and have it emptied.

Likewise, I visit my mother most weeks, and load her dishwasher with whatever we use, then run it whether it needs it or not, then leave it empty for her to use again.

Having grown up thinking that it must only be run when absolutely full, this has been a revelation to me.

weaselwords · 15/11/2017 08:22

I do this sometimes as I find bending to load and unload the dishwasher painful but can stand at the sink easily Blush

Original poster
ShimmerAndShite · 15/11/2017 08:23

FinallyHere, it seems a complete waste of electricity and water to run it half full!

Well I'm glad it's not just me that finds it weird, I spoke to him about it ages ago and he couldn't see the issue so thought maybe it was me!

OP posts:
Original poster
ShimmerAndShite · 15/11/2017 08:23

That's completely understandable then Weasel!

OP posts:
MrTrebus · 15/11/2017 08:24

IF he's choosing to do this then he needs to finish the job, so wash up everything not leave stuff in the sink in cold dirty water. Dry everything up and put it away and clean down the sink. You need to say something. IF he chooses to wash it up then leave it all there do not dry it and put it away. He'll soon start using the dishwasher.

MrsExpo · 15/11/2017 08:30

My DH is a bit like this too. I have no problem with running the thing half empty.

ShotsFired · 15/11/2017 08:31

@ShimmerAndShite Sometimes though he will wash the stuff up instead of putting it in the dishwasher which then means I need to dry it and put it away

No YOU don't need to do anything at all. So what if there are some dishes on the side?

I am a big fan of wash and leave to drip-dry. My OH likes to dry with a cloth. So we do that. But I wouldn't expect him to expect me to dry up if he does the dishes. I'l leave them to dry and (maybe) put them away if I don't just re-use them for the next meal.

(No dishwasher)

SilverSpot · 15/11/2017 08:32

Do you have a ‘half load’ option?

Have you asked him why he won’t use the dishwasher? A grown up convo should hopefully sort out this strange washing up behaviour.

He does know it’s more efficient to run a DW than to run the hot tap for washing by hand?

mmzz · 15/11/2017 08:39

Its not weird, he just prefers things to be hand washed. Its not as though he's demanding that you do the handwashing too.

If the dishwasher is empty though, couldn't he put the washed things in the trays and let them drip dry? That would save you the trouble of having to dry them. Someone would still have to put them away, but that applies however they get washed.

Original poster
ShimmerAndShite · 15/11/2017 08:40

We always used to leave them to dry by themselves and put them away as i think ita more hygienic but now we don't have a dish drainer they just get piled up and would never properly dry. I put them away so that I can tidy the kitchen and clean the sink. I'm a stay at home mum so get that stuff done as much as I can during the day plus I need to if it's something we need anyway.

OP posts:
inappropriateraspberry · 15/11/2017 08:43

Beat him to it and put it all in the DW before he gets a chance to wash it?

MoosicalDaisy · 15/11/2017 08:45

Get a new dish drainer

sinceyouask · 15/11/2017 08:50

Buy a new drainer.

ReanimatedSGB · 15/11/2017 08:51

Has he given a reason? Are there any other household tasks that he does badly or grudgingly, or says he will 'get round to' but doesn't do?

Maybe he thinks it's more energy efficient not to use the dishwasher. But maybe he's making the point that all domestic work is your responsibility, and if you won't do it willingly and subserviently and graciously, you need to be inconvenienced a bit more by him doing it badly...

paxillin · 15/11/2017 08:54

Half done jobs are the pits. Concentrate on that. Washing up: wash, dry, put away. Dishwasher or hand is a preference.

cooldarkroom · 15/11/2017 08:58

My OH does this, but does it with cold water, so nothing really gets de- greased. I tell him it takes so long for the hot water to arrive at the tap, that all 30 metres of hot water in the underfloor pipe then cool down again & that is why we often lack hot water for a shower in the evening. (which he complains about) so I often end up switching the hot water to heat in the day time (it usually heats at cheap rate at night)
I then put his items in the dishwasher..
I run the machine at night preferably as its cheap rate electricity.
WHY he can't understand ?

AlternativeTentacle · 15/11/2017 09:00

Just put it all in the dishwasher and run it each evening. If he moans then he needs to finish the job.

BarbaraofSevillle · 15/11/2017 09:27

Or run it every couple of days if that's how long it takes to fill it. Having a dishwasher and washing up by hand is bonkers.

Far less effort, much better wash performance, uses much less water and probably less energy to heat said water too. What's not to like?

Original poster
ShimmerAndShite · 15/11/2017 09:34

But if I run it every few days I run out of the stuff that I need like children's cutlery and sippy cups so then I end up doing washing up which I don't want to do hence buying the dishwasher in the first place!

I spoke to him about it but all he sees is that its good that he's doing the washing up and that's that!

I was expecting lots of replies of well at least he washes up so at least I feel better for ranting!

OP posts:
TonicAndTonic · 15/11/2017 09:35

Agree with pp saying have you actually asked him why doesn't use it? There may be a simple explanation.

Also has he had a dishwasher before? We got one 3 years ago - before that I had never lived in a house with a dishwasher, it does take a while to get in the habit of using it! I still can't load ours anywhere near as efficiently as DP, so my job is generally to unload it.