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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I do not have a problem.?

83 replies

Awomansworkisneverdone · 14/11/2017 16:14

When the day is done I like a big cold glass of white wine. A friend of mine told me it’s too much
I wait for the kids to be asleep, they are not babies, it’s not every night. Maybe three times a week.
It’s just something I like to do after a busy day to unwind. Is it really that bad? Does anyone else like a glass of wine after the day? I don’t get drunk as I don’t like a hangover so I’m wise not to have to much.

OP posts:

RagingFemininist · 14/11/2017 16:42

Fwiw there is another thread going on atm about the effect of alcohol on the liver, even when you are not an alcoholic.
Maybe an interesting read for you too.

robinR · 14/11/2017 16:44

Three glasses a week as the slippery slope towards alcoholism

Original poster

Awomansworkisneverdone · 14/11/2017 16:44

I do some what agree with you raging.
But I don’t get to go out often and I very rarely visit a public house, so I tend to just enjoy it around 9pm at night whilst watching tv.

OP posts:

WhooooAmI24601 · 14/11/2017 16:45

I did dry October this year and was surprised at how much of a habit my glasses of wine had become; I reached for a wine bottle almost reflexively one evening while cooking and was surprised that it felt like I had to break the habit (like you I'd say I drank 3 nights a week).

If you're drinking because you can't do without drinking, that's bad. If you're drinking because you just enjoy a glass of wine, that's fine. There's no reason to quit, just make sure it's not one of those automatic reflexes that you reach for it for the sake of it.

Wilburissomepig · 14/11/2017 16:45

Whilst you don’t have an alcohol problem, I personally have an issue with having to rely on alcohol to relax.

She didn't say she 'relied' on it, she said she liked it. Two very different things. I hardly think that making a bottle of wine last 4 - 5 days means that she's relying on that wine to drag her through her days.

Original poster

Awomansworkisneverdone · 14/11/2017 16:46

It’s definitely enjoyable and for enjoyment purposes.

OP posts:

Original poster

Awomansworkisneverdone · 14/11/2017 16:47

No definitely not reliant. I’m not bothered If I do something else instead. Sometimes il be to tired so just take my self off to bed instead.

OP posts:

robinR · 14/11/2017 16:48

It’s sounds to me like your friend has an issue because of the kids.

Some people seem to think once you have kids you have to be on red alert all the time in case they get a nose bleed.

LemonShark · 14/11/2017 16:48

I think the only thing I'd suggest is to ask yourself if you could happily and easily live without it, and try be honest with yourself. If you could and it's genuinely just something you enjoy but don't feel compelled to have then it's probably fine. But if it feels more like a need (you can't relax without it, would feel something was missing or feel anxious if you couldn't have it) it might indicate it's become a crutch which is unhealthy and something you need to keep an eye on.

DorisDangleberry · 14/11/2017 16:51

I have cut down to one glass per day.

Wilburissomepig · 14/11/2017 16:56

Jeez people are a bit po faced about wine sometimes. Someone talks about a bottle lasting 4 or 5 days and there's talk of 'reliance' and 'crutches'.

Original poster

Awomansworkisneverdone · 14/11/2017 16:57

that picture!!
Nope it’s that much of a big deal to me tbh

OP posts:

Original poster

Awomansworkisneverdone · 14/11/2017 16:58

I don’t drink any other alcohol. I’m not keen on spirits, and beers ales and largers are just not for me.

OP posts:

LemonShark · 14/11/2017 17:04

Wilburissomepig She started this thread asking if it was too much/a problem. She specifically sought advice. How is giving it is "po-faced"?

SnackSnackEatAndCrave · 14/11/2017 17:05

I told my doctor that I would drink a bottle of wine on a Saturday night (that was it for the week) and he said it would be better for me to spread the bottle out over the week. So now I have a glass 3 or 4 times a week like you and the GP says that's just fine.
One glass isn't going to leave you incapable of parenting, DP works away Mon-Fri so I'm at home on my own with 19 month DD and I am definitely as good a parent on wine nights as non wine nights... Especially considering she's in bed!
You're just fine OP, your friend is clearly a saint, don't worry about it.

RebeccaBunch · 14/11/2017 17:11

I only drunk half my glass of gin tonic the other night

but when I woke up the next morning and saw it I just drunk it - twas a bit flat but quite yum. many people might see this act as indication of a problem, but I promise its not

Wilburissomepig · 14/11/2017 17:14

Wilburissomepig She started this thread asking if it was too much/a problem. She specifically sought advice. How is giving it is "po-faced"?

Giving sensible advice isn't po faced at all, far from it, but I think a little common sense and perspective is beneficial don't you think? I genuinely don't see how anyone can think that what the OP describes is too much. If one starts throwing other things into the mix like 'being reliant' and using alcohol as a crutch then that changes things, but that's not what the OP is describing. Unless I've missed something of course.

lougle · 14/11/2017 17:14

"One bottle a week = no problem and debatably healthier than teetotal. A bottle a night = might have a problem."

I'm surprised you've said that, @Mitzimaybe. I can't see that being teetotal can be unhealthy.

A bottle per week is ok, as long as it's spread out. If any person (for clarity, not the OP, but anyone reading this and justifying their alcohol dependency/use) is having a bottle per night, or even a bottle per week but drinking that one bottle all on one night and having nothing for the other 6 nights, they have to think very carefully if they have any responsibilities that they will be unable to attend to because of it. For example, if they are in charge of young children and anything happens that would give cause for the police to attend, if they have sole charge of children, the police may well take their children to a place of safety of they are inebriated.

A bottle of 14% wine has 10.4 units, so even a couple of glasses over the top of a bottle would put you over the guidelines for safe drinking. A bottle per day would be 73 units per week.

Rachie1973 · 14/11/2017 17:15

RebeccaBunch I only drunk half my glass of gin tonic the other night
but when I woke up the next morning and saw it I just drunk it - twas a bit flat but quite yum. many people might see this act as indication of a problem, but I promise its not

It is!!! Flat tonic is awful lol

SoonToBeDad20s · 14/11/2017 17:16

Nothing wrong at all. It's only an issue if the idea of missing one day is terrifying.

LemonShark · 14/11/2017 17:22

Most responses I can see that have considered the idea of dependency haven't told the OP she has a problem though, they've suggested that IF she feels reliant on it then that may indicate a problem. If she doesn't and it's just a nice enjoyable pastime then that amount is fine. That seems like a pretty balanced response to someone asking if they have an alcohol problem, not po faced or hysterical.

Gottagetmoving · 14/11/2017 17:24

I drink a bottle of wine on a Saturday night....all in one night.
Have done that for years, and yes, I know it would be better spreading it over the week but I like to relax over several hours with it.
I never drink any other day.
I may cut back though because feeling rough the next day is worse as I get older.

WomblingThree · 14/11/2017 17:27

You obviously think you have a problem or you wouldn’t be asking on here. Most people can figure out for themselves how much to drink.

Plexie · 14/11/2017 17:31

Some people (at least on Mumsnet - I've never met anyone in real life who says this) think you should never drink enough to become over the limit for safe driving, while you are in charge of children. Cos you might need to drive them to A&E or something.

ShotsFired · 14/11/2017 17:37

@Awomansworkisneverdone I wait for the kids to be asleep, they are not babies, it’s not every night. Maybe three times a week.

I don't think there's anything wrong with that either. So...why is there any need to wait till the kids are asleep (and make a point of saying so in your OP?)? It's a perfectly normal thing to do and surely socialising your kids that normal alcohol consumption is fine is better than hiding it?

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