Let's go and ask Mummy

[SnugglySnerd]

No don't ask me. I don't have an opinion I just want 5 minutes peace. Piss off and make a decision on your own for once.

Also why is it never "let's go and ask Daddy"?

In any case outabout if you read my posts properly you would see that my issue is with other family members more than dh and that it was in fact my mother asking about cucumber. My problem is that she asked me while I was in the loo rather than asking dh who was in the room with her.

DD, mum can you test me on my French?
Me, No I'm cooking dinner, I'm rubbish at French and you will end up pronouncing it wrong. Daddy is in lounge watching TV, he is bilingual, go ask him, he will make sure you get it right.
DD. Huffs up to room, doesn't get tested

My ex is now disney dad. He always used to say let's go and ask Mummy. His mum was the same. But both did it in ways that was condescending. Like mother like son. (His sister, who doesn't have children, had a bit of argy bargy regarding it one Christmas, she was incensed actually - I appreciated her support).

I say you've got a mum and a dad here. So sometimes it's good to ask dad. Now is one of those times.
If I hear dad say "Ask Mum" then I bellow through the rooms at him to sort it out himself.
Child is 11 now and knows who best to ask for whatever task. He's good at some things, I'm good at other things.

My OH is a SAHD, and I'm guilty of saying "ask daddy" sometimes. It's nothing to do with him being the default parent; it's just that he knows their daily routine better than me and I don't want to give them mixed messages. Guess I'd better start getting harder to bake the decisions myself

*make

Some probably do it as whatever decision they made would be the wrong one according to 'mummy' so they might just be trying to avoid the inevitable fallout from letting little Zach or Tilda have a mini roll 20 minutes after breakfast.

I bet some people (mums or dads) do in fact do this to avoid being the baddie though!

Completely agree with SloeSloeQuickQuickGin

In my house, you can hear both "ask mummy" or "go and ask daddy", depending on what the question is. It was a lot more "ask mummy" when I was on maternity leave, being home all day by definition I knew a lot more.
Now we are back to being equal, and it depends what the question is about.

My husband does this with regards to our (16 year old) son too! 'what is F doing?', 'what is he up to?' , 'is he doing homework?' etc. Ask him yourself you big fool!

We were watching the first episode of stranger things the other day with the older kids. The father is a total "ask your mother" drip.

My boys were cracking up, saying it was just like their Dad. He's been a bit better since then, and when he does it they call him on it.

Oh none of the men are particularly good role models in Stanger Things but that dad just sitting about reading his paper whilst well il not drop any spoilers but it gets worse lol.

We're normally not a 3rd person service provider too. Many of us have real names.

I find that both my dc want their milks pouring/cereal boxes opening/bedtime stories/cuddles at the same time and usually when I'm busy doing other things. U find myself saying, in the style of a meme I once read, "What if I told you your dad also knows how to pour milk/open boxes/read/give cuddles?" Dh has actually picked it up and started telling the dc that he's there too and that they do have 2 parents. Slowly but surely they are getting better at not pestering me so much.

I find myself not U ffs

It works both ways. We had a stray kitten turn up on our doorstep. Dd wanted to keep it. I did too secretly but thought it was a bad idea because we already have 2 cats. I palmed her off onto dh, who is not a cat lover, thinking he would say no and I would be relieved of the need to disappoint both her and me. At the very least, I thought he would tell her to ask her mother, passing the buck back to me. To my utter astonishment, he said yes immediately.

Best decision he ever made, after marrying me and agreeing to the number of children I wanted. . So, yes, to a pp, he does get chapter and verse of all his mistakes quoted to him most days, but he is forever credited with making this one good decision also.

i quite like being the default parent - it's nice to be the one they want hugs from when they're down, the one they want to talk through tricky things with. There are upsides. My DH leaves for work at the weekend and they barely bat an eyelid - it makes him feel sad.

I do think there is something about not being that familiar with the routine/not feeling totally empowered to make decisions with some partners who aren't the ones that do the most childcare.

Some women set themselves up as the senior parent when it comes to the children so ask your mother becomes inevitable.

DH is usually pretty good in that, if we are both in the room when DS asks for something and I am doing something or have just finished making dinner, DH will get it for him instead. But I am the go to person for middle of the night wakings, any accidents or sickness (including the dogs). I did ask DS why he came and woke me up when the dog was ill, and not Daddy. He shrugged and said he never thought of waking Daddy.

So, I do sometimes resent hearing ‘Ask Mummy’ and have occasionally said yes to something knowing that DH didn’t really want DS to have or do whatever it was, on the basis that DH needs to learn to say no himself rather than get me to do it.

Another mum here who regularly points out (loudly, so DH can hear) that they have TWO parents!

I read about a study where people were asked to judge a baby's emotions / needs from photographs. Women generally replied he / she's tired, hungry, in pain etc

Amongst the men, "it wants its mother!" featured quite prominently.

Make of that what you will

My DH doesn’t do this, thankfully, and I therefore make a point of backing up his decisions even if I don’t necessarily agree with them (even though sometimes I am secretly thinking “really? Really??! You want to choose that hill to die on?”) precisely because I don’t want him to start defaulting to me all the time for fear of “getting it wrong”.

Some women set themselves up as are forced to take on the role of the senior parent because nobody else will.

Fixed that for you.

Are they forced, drsspouse, or do they choose it and initially enjoy it ? It happens because isome women allow it to happen, and I suspect enjoy the martyrdom of it