Let's go and ask Mummy

[SnugglySnerd]

No don't ask me. I don't have an opinion I just want 5 minutes peace. Piss off and make a decision on your own for once.

Also why is it never "let's go and ask Daddy"?

@Snuggly
Even cutting cucumber could be a trick question.
OK unlikely but you MIGHT have cut enough pieces to make a nice pattern for best presentation of the veg, so having a piece 'stolen' would upset the pattern. Although a bad example you should see where this is coming from. Not picking on you but you said 'hardly likely' which does not rule out you might have been upset. This is the knife edge men are expected to walk.

DD going into MiL's kitchen. MiL right there with her. DH there too. MIL calls across the garden to me "Violet? DD is helping herself to more grapes. Are you sure she should be having so many??"

Well, for starters they were MiL's grapes and if she didn't want DD to polish them all off she could have made that decision and removed the grapes from reach. If she was happy for DD to eat the grapes but wanted reassurance, why on earth did she not ask her son, DD's father, who was standing right next to her?!

This is the knife edge men are expected to walk

Oh ffS...

Tbh dh isn't really the problem it's the rest of the family - grandparents mainly who always default to asking me. Never him. Even if we're both there.

My mum can't ask DH for something for herself either - even if DH is there, and I am clearly doing something that requires concentration, like hearing DS read.

outabout "women" are renowned are they? By who?

This is the knife edge men are expected to walk

actual lolz

I think outabout might be a seeker of opinions themselves....

outabout whichever woman serves as your model of what all women are like is not, in fact Woman personified. Talk about your own experience and own it as being exactly that, but your generalisations are horse shit.

I feel like this about all questions asked at all times regardless of who is asking.

“Piss off and leave me alone before I end up putting a whisky in my brew to get through the day”

This is the knife edge men are expected to walk

HAHAHAHA sure.

Personally, I say "Go ask Daddy" all the time. It works fine.

Nah my family definitely know me well enough to know there will be no fancy patterns at dinner time!

I always asked mum because if dad got it wrong I'd be in trouble too ..

Working shifts has mostly cured the real problem identified by this thread in our house. If I'm on a late it's all up to him, because I'm just not there and he is the only available adult. Eventually the habit of identifying female parent as main/sole useful parent wanes.

Yes Violet that's exactly the sort of thing I mean.

Drives me nuts when they walk out of the room where daddy is, find me elsewhere either doing housework or on the loo and then ask me to do/get/pass them something from the room that daddy is in!

YES. EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Men can't win here - if we decided and then you disagreed we'd be in the shit not the DC, so it's easier to just let them ask you in the first place to save the hassle!

Generally its because mothers undermine their partners as mothers, as the principle care giver, tend to assume they know best on things child related:

Child: Can I have that chocolate
Dad: yes
Mum: WTF - he's had too much sugar already today

OR.

Child: Can I have that chocolate
Daddy: No
Mum: Of course you can, only a little bit, you've been a good boy today.

Dad can never do the right thing, hence deferring to mum to make sure he doesnt piss her off does the correct thing.

Exactly Sloe!

Bloody hell, what's with the invasion of the Mens Rights types? Either a sock puppeteer or multiple personalities from an early 80s Morcome and Wise sketch show have turned up to whine about how hard Menz have it...

Is it me or is this happening all the time on Mumsnet now?

Is it a deliberate invasion or is it just that MN is well known and attracting the hard done by Mansplaining types?

It used to be that the men who posted on MN were normal people - they're still about, but there are far more Mansplainers who think they're here to educate the stupid women about the difficulties of being big important Men who have to cope with silly irrational little women, and tell us how to make life easier for the poor Men..

Yes sloe may have a point but also some men (my ex) find it difficult to say NO as they don't want to be the baddie!!!

I quite like everything being run past me first control freak. Although I do repeatedly tell dh that he doesn't have to ask me first if he can have a biscuit

I call it daddy pig syndrome. It’s why peppa is banned in our house. Poor male role model for my DSs.

Being serious for a minute though, the person who is primary carer ia more likely to know whether something is a good idea or not. Maybe the dad is trying not to undermine the mum's decisions if she is responsible for them for the majority of the time.

The difference in approach lies between the genders.
If the dad makes the decision and it gets overturned, due to the 'goldfish' and 'not really being that bothered' effects it is forgotten about pretty quickly. A woman however may well take this as a personal affront to their authority and let it fester all day.
50 or so years of observation leads me to this conclusion, particularly as I receive chapter and verse of all the 'incorrect' decisions I have made in the last 40 years.

It's because you're the default parent. I'm also working hard to avoid this ... Infuriating.

ilovelamp your dinner scenario is so familiar

outabout why not head on over to the feminism boards? I'm sure we'd love to hear your opinion on a whole host of things.