Elderly neighbour help please?

[Wellfuckmeinbothears]

Hello could just do with a bit of MN advice please!

DP and I have been living in our new ground floor flat for 4 months. We have an elderly lady (early 80’s) opposite us. When we moved in she introduced herself, dogs said hello etc. I bumped into her in the corridor a couple of times and got talking and she has never mentioned any family or friends. We used to regularly see her pottering about in her garden but recently we haven’t and we noticed her dog has been barking a bit more. I saw her this morning and she appeared very frail. She then later knocked on the door about a small matter within the adjourning gardens and was very frail and low. I asked her how she was and she said she hadn’t been good lately. She said she had “spells every now and then and it’s just old age” but I am really concerned about her. As I said above she doesn’t have seem to have any friends or family. I don’t want to appear pushy but I really want to help if I can! Should I knock every other day and see if she needs any shopping or if she’d like me to walk her dog? Is that interfering? I would just really like to find a way to help her if she needs it but without making her think I don’t think she can manage.

Any advice greatly appreciated!

Your idea sounds just perfect, so do just that! Also offer her your phone number 'in case of emergencies' and offering if she needs anything when you pop to the shops... I wish my Nan had had a neighbour like you!

I’ve only just seen this thread. You really are a lovely neighbour, OP. How did it go today when you called on the lady?

How lovely. I always watch ambulance programmes, it is terrible to see an elderly person struggling without any support.

I hope your neighbour is feeling better.

If you can bear the slow pace it might be nice (If she is able) if you could accompany her when she walks her dog and you walk yours. Confidence goes very quickly when you get older and it may not be long before she doesn't go out at all.

How lovely you are OP. I hope my mum has such kind and thoughtful neighbors as you!

You’re really sweet.

I don’t have any elderly neighbours, but I really must check with cinnamon trust again to see if they have anyone needing a dog walking.

This is so lovely!

Another idea is you could invite her round for a cuppa / sandwich / meal you were cooking anyway sometimes. If it's always you doing "jobs" for her, she may feel bad about accepting. And she might really value a bit of company and change of scene.

Very cute OP.

The lady is lucky to have you as a neighbour.

It is indeed a good idea to offer help to neighbour, and as someone old and frequently alone, I'd like to thank you for your kind thought. Wish I had someone nearby like you.

Hope you got on well when offering dog-walk.

That’s so sweet of you, hope she accepted the help

I have am elderly DM who has recently gone into sheltered housing but we are not local. before she moved my DM really appreciated the neighbours asking to put her bin out and bring it back in or even just to take a bin bag from the kitchen to the outside bin as her mobility was not great and her eyes have gone very quickly.

She did love company and a cuppa or to sit with your neighbour would I think be appreciated but keep in mind that she may get tired quickly and my DM loved about an hours worth and then she liked a nap to recuperate :)

I'm sure basic shopping and dog walking would also be appreciated. Latterly my DM did not like going out in the cold and especially not if it was in the least icy.

Well done OP, even if your neighbour does have family they may not be close enough to visit as often as she might like. We now find ourselves doing a 4 hour round trip but she only wants to see us for an hour and it was a comfort to know that people were happy to pop in for a chat and to help with the odd chore :)

You sound brilliant, yes, do ask her.

As someone who works in community care with the elderly can i also add what a lovely person and fantastic neighbour you are .Truly wish the people I care for all had neighbours like you .Sadly nowadays people just don't have the time or just don't think to check in on their elderly neighbours .For someone who is lovely and feeling low that chat and cup of tea can work wonders .Lots of elderly people can be very proud and don't like to ask for help even when they are really struggling .There may be a local volunteer group that visit the elderly for companionship I don't know if your lady would like anything like that .
With you saying she looks frail it may well be worth seeing if she would have an alarm pendant then if anything happened such as a fall she could press the pendant and it links straight to alarm centre who will then send help if needed .They are a godsend for elderly people living on their own .So many elderly go under the radar when they are struggling and need help because it isn't picked up on .We need more neighbours like you op 😊.

Hi all just an update!

My plan worked! Knocked yesterday as I was taking my dog out and asked if hers would like to join which she said if I didn’t mind that would be lovely then upon dropping dog off she asked if I’d like to stay for a cuppa which was lovely. Knocked again this morning, took dogs out again and when I dropped hers back to her asked if she needed anything as I was popping out and she gave me a list of a few items. She’s such a lovely lady, really pleased she’s accepting my very willing help. I don’t want to bombard her though, is knocking every day too much? I’m just honestly not sure how she was/would manage to take her dog out? Thanks for all the lovely replies

Good on you, OP. Great that you followed up on it and even better that she is grateful for the help. As you get to know her a little better you might be able to enquire more - or even just ask her if she minds you 'pestering her so much as you're sure she's got plenty to get on with' type thing.

for you OP, what a lovely neighbour you are.

I think its lovely that you care about her and want to make sure she's ok. We all worry a lot about my grandma who has recently been in hospital but we live too far away to go to see her more than once a week, as do my parents, and we wish she had more people living near her who would pop in and offer to do a bit of shopping etc.

How lovely!
Could you ask her round for Sunday lunch for example? A good meal and some company is a friendly thing to offer.

I would definitely go and see her,you sound lovely and I'm sure she would very much appreciate your concern and help.
If what you see hear concerns you you can use the safeguarding format with social services.
🌻💜🌻💜

I think that next time I offer to take her dog, I'd ask her if she'd like to make it a regular thing and then both you and she can plan for it and know where you are. It's really great if she's actually taking you up on your offer of doing shopping. I hope that when I'm old and alone (there's a high likelihood of this), I have a similarly thoughtful and caring neighbour.

You are a lovely person OP! Truly! Take your pick and share with your elderly neighbour x

Ahh you sound lovely op

You are doing such a good thing. I’m sure you have already made a big difference to your neighbours life. Just knowing there’s someone near who she can talk to and ask for help must be really reassuring and comforting. This is what we need - communities where no one is left to struggle on alone in their older years . .

How lovely!

How lovely of you! I’m sure that she really appreciates your help! I definitely don’t think every morning is too much, the elderly can get so isolated and without seeing anyone can go downhill so quickly.