Dsis is a couple of years younger, went into work from education, whereas I stayed on to get a degree and post grad (and three student loans). This meant I had a better paid career initially, but obv had loans to pay off.
We both gave up work after kids, she has walked into her present job through conversation with a contact, I am unable to find one atm. Despite starting off with school hours shifts, our parents now regularly pick up her kids from school and give them dinner before dropping them home. If I had a job that required the same help they'd be exhausted.
My dh often works away, due to his job we've moved a few times, have always had a house much smaller than dsis, with much bigger mortgage and considerably less equity. Most of our savings went in the last move.
She has at least six plus weekends or hobby breaks a year (by herself), with an extended family holiday and usually another week somewhere else. We go on the extended family hol with them, with a few day trips at weekends with our kids.
Her sil is v well off and will be leaving everything to dsis dc, as will her mil (I don't know why I needed to know this). My kids have the tiny trust fund account we set up for them as babies. Sil regularly gives dsis and kids nice shoes/clothes, masses of presents at xmas etc. I pass down clothes/coats etc to dsis, obv nothing comes my way from anyone.
Im sure theres more, but this is quite long. My issue is that despite us getting on well, dsis (and our parents) seem to have the set view that we are so much better off financially than her, which is just not the case. Her dc do 4 after school activities between them, mine do one each, she complains about the cost, but can't be that hard up if they can afford it.
I know someone will say I'm just jealous - I've always been happy for her good fortune, but it's increasingly grating on me that everyone thinks she's badly done by and has to work so hard, despite the fact that I and dh have worked just as hard (if not harder) and in reality are in the same position. Our children will be substantially worse off than hers in the long run, but she doesn't appear to appreciate this either, still thinks we are much better off and speaks/acts accordingly. I'm not expressing it very well, but it's like reverse snobbery, if thats a thing.
AIBU to be increasingly peeved to be seen as the one who doesn't need any help, while she gets a bunch of sympathy and handouts? What can I do to feel less peeved about it (apart from pull up my big girl pants and ignore)?
[I'm aware neither of us are on the bones of our arse, so are luckier than some. The issue is more the inequality of treatment rather than the value of material goods/finances involved.]