Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder what it's like to earn £200k per year?!

522 replies

ABCD1000 · 13/11/2017 19:43

Friend's husband earns just over £200k per year, with an annual £150k bonus for the last few years! No jealousy (much!) just wonder what life would be like?!

OP posts:
Richak · 16/11/2017 10:17

What most people are not saying is this: at or above that income, almost all the spare money is invested and made to grow big and fast.

blueskyinmarch · 16/11/2017 10:32

I look at my tiny terrace , and my second hand clothes and my happy children asleep in their beds, who I pick up from school every day, and gave up my good career to do so (still work, but have three various money earning things to fit in with children) I have never felt so rich in all my life. I actually feel very, very sorry for you.

Who do you feel sorry for and why? Genuine question? My DH is a high earner now but it wasn't always so. When my DD's were little he didn't earn a lot, we lived a little semi, had caravan holidays, drove one second hand car. I was a SAHM and collected my DD's from school every day. We were very happy like this.

The higher earning has crept up and although it make life easier in many ways we haven't changed fundamentally as people. Family life and friendships are still important to us. Our friends are the same ones we had when we had much less. No-one dislikes us or feels sorry for us in any way. I spend most of my time in old muddy clothes walking my dog. I am happiest with the simple things in life.

LaurieMarlow · 16/11/2017 10:36

I work for rich people. They don't see their kids. They don't talk to their kids. They dress their kids in Boden and the kids have multiple iPads etc but their kids are sad. They liven up during their expensive holidays but then it's back to normal day to day business after, seeing their private tutors and tennis coaches more than they see their parents.

It's silly to generalise like this though. Some rich people don't see their kids much. But many do. Some poor people don't see their kids much either.

It's possible for both rich and poor parents to give their children great childhoods and lots of love.

MuseumOfCurry · 16/11/2017 11:05

StarUtopia you sound unbearably smug and pious. Do your employers know that you think so little of them, or do you manage to keep it under wraps?

kateandme · 16/11/2017 12:27

its not always that higher earner work more and see children less.some jobs are unfairly paid more.i no people that don't see kids and work so close to their burnout yet they don't earn as much as people who do hald that work.
I'm jealous. not bitterly but devastatginyl over people who can have this much.it could sob right now because of it.
it doesn't buy happiness.it wont make me well but it would make the current far less tragic.it would make one less thing to be fighting against and crying over.
money to me is like some heavy weight that sits on me every waking second.so it would I know it make me a hell of a lot happier if I could have some.

PlausibleSuit · 16/11/2017 12:50

What most people are not saying is this: at or above that income, almost all the spare money is invested and made to grow big and fast.

Very true. If my OH and I spent like water on cars, clothes and holidays we'd have nothing left within a year. The majority of our income is invested, much of it very long-term.

I think the crucial thing is this: money only makes easier the parts of life that can be paid for.

Much else in the human experience - as I mentioned the other day, stuff like illness, family problems, bereavement - is universal.

If someone's partner dies young, it would be offensive to tell that person that their money makes that emotional experience better, just because they were able to pay for a nicer coffin. (This happened to a good friend of mine, once.)

I also think that inverse snobbery, and the idea that high-paid people are not 'worth' their salaries, is as divisive as the idea of the deserving and undeserving poor. There is simply never going to be a consensus on a scale of worth for the jobs people do. The remunerative scales that dictate that a footballer is paid X whereas a nurse is paid Y have nothing in common with each other, and it's very difficult to draw an argument that says they do without getting into the straw-person argument of moral outrage.

Sidebar: anyone who is interested in money, how it works (or doesn't work) and some of the terminology around it, I highly recommend John Lanchester's book How to Speak Money. It is accessible, funny and very smart.

His definition of a mortgage: a highly leveraged form of long-term borrowing with regular demands for cash payment against an illiquid asset that is known to be even more illiquid in difficult times.

sahknowme · 16/11/2017 12:59

I badly phrased my post. I meant my mortgage is my biggest expenditure. The rest goes into pensions and savings.

Want2bSupermum · 16/11/2017 13:44

kate Flowers

From what you say I think what you have is burnout. You need to take care of that because if you don't the next steps just get worse.

What I get very frustrated about is that as higher earners here in the US we pay a lot in tax for it to go on the military. What I want it to go on are social programs. In the U.K. the tax collected is being spent on paying down debt and inflated rents via housing benefit payments which ultimately benefits the banks.

What I like about the UK is that there hasn't been such a huge divide in the past few decades because the income redistribution has been in place. It isn't now. So many people in the UK are reducing their tax bill because the savings are substantial and far outweigh the costs. The impact of this is felt by the low income people.

Where we have ended up as a society in the UK is where a job earning £200k a year is actually not all that great. It's the same as two households making £80k each, so a household income of £160k. As someone who has worked to get promoted, making work worth my time, for us when DHs income went above $800k (about £500k) that we were able to relax a bit. DH is senior enough now that he has an assistant and able to set his own schedule. The people he answers to are remote so he can control the communication more than when his boss sat in the same office. He has also built up trust with those above him and they know he is going to get the job done.

Honestly most jobs at £80-250/300k a year are shit unless you are senior enough that you don't have the pressures of someone breathing down your neck. It's when you break through the barrier and go into an upper management role that it becomes a little bit easier (unless your DH starts his own business).

Openup41 · 16/11/2017 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

Aura00 · 16/11/2017 18:30

So many generalisations in here about high earners who work all hours and never see their kids. Why would anyone assume "high earners" are a monogamous group? People on all salary levels may or may not work all hours - surely it depends on the job Hmm. I'm sure someone working in Tesco might never see his / her kids if they took every shift going.

I know people who would regularly make £200 k on the FT markets e.g while they're having breakfast. They might lose it the following week, but this is how they function. This is a very different lifestyle and mentality to some MD or lawyer who is out of the house from 5.30 - 9pm most days or spends half their life on a plane. When you get to a certain level, you can make money work for you.

Aura00 · 16/11/2017 18:34

Mob group! (Though hopefully monogamous as well).

AtlanticWaves · 16/11/2017 21:01

I've missed roughly 25 bedtimes for my 6 year old and only 10 for my 3 year old.

DH and I have attended all 4 school shows DS has done. All parents evenings (actually in the morning). Sports day. And I've been into class to help the DC make biscuits.

I take them to every dr, dentist, haircut etc. And work FT.

We work hard but also see our DC.

Longislandicetee · 16/11/2017 23:06

I agree with the generalisation that high income always means no family time is just that....a generalisation.

One of the key benefits of being senior is the ability to do whatever you want and prioritise what’s important. There are many high earning dh’s referenced on this thread who don’t see enough of the dcs. Huge generalisation from me now, but typically if I look at my male peers, those who don’t see much of their dcs, it’s because they didn’t prioritise it because they had someone else to pick up the slack. However, when they don’t have that back up, eg wife falls ill, that’s when they suddenly find that flexibility.

AtlanticWaves · 17/11/2017 05:48

Exactly. We prioritize the DC over other things like our social life. And we've significantly reduced our exercise time for them.

DH blocks his diary for important dates concerning the DC. As a general rule he's senior enough for that to work.

RaindropsAndSparkles · 17/11/2017 07:06

That's not always possible blingy. I recall having full blown influenza when ours were tiny. DH was in court. We/He had to arrange an emergency/agency Nanny.

Had I developed a long term illness where I required support DH would not have been able to continue at his pace and certainly Wouldn't have been able to develop the portfolio of work that he did. That's where luck comes in. Fortunately by the time dd was born we had enough equity on our home to have been able to move out, decent house, etc.

RaindropsAndSparkles · 17/11/2017 07:17

What's more interesting is what drives people to work. I had several years at home until dd was settled in reception and went back as soon as poss and started again albeit locally so no commute. 14 years on I'm now Director of my service. (public sector so not financially in DH's league but almost six figures). What stops other mothers from doing that - the comments at the date were rather damning when I started "I Wouldn't do a job a like that" (meaning menial for a non glam employer). "Will you do it for long" (meaning you won't be able to). "Won't you be bored" (meaning it would be beneath them).

I have no need to work. Sometimes I feel guilty about what I earn compared to others in my dept. But I am driven to get results for my projects to work, etc, and I don't know why they do or why what I say seems to impress the right people.

mybestfriendisadog · 17/11/2017 07:50

Sometimes feel it’s how you were raised - my parents were always positive about the benefits of working whereas it is completely normal for DH’s entire family to talk about jobs as if they’re some sort of special burden/curse.

That need to be working is down to individual character too - some people are happy pottering about and living a slow paced life and some people would find that a death sentence and get depressed.

For the question of what drives people to work very long hours and prioritise work over everything else, I’m not sure that is a purely rational choice.

NewtsSuitcase · 17/11/2017 08:10

I work for rich people. They don't see their kids. They don't talk to their kids. They dress their kids in Boden and the kids have multiple iPads etc but their kids are sad. They liven up during their expensive holidays but then it's back to normal day to day business after, seeing their private tutors and tennis coaches more than they see their parents.

Its one of those things to criticise high earners by saying they clearly don't see their children much. Some do, some don't, the same as at every income level I suspect.

ssd · 17/11/2017 09:27

Atlantic, you obviously have your priorities right but IME not so many high earner do (I was a nanny for rich families for years)

Getsorted21 · 17/11/2017 09:48

I've missed roughly 25 bedtimes for my 6 year old and only 10 for my 3 year old

Fair play! My eldest is only 3 & I have missed about 20 bedtimes (probably more) due to holidays without kids & going out with friends/husband. Don't feel guilty at all

CautionTape · 17/11/2017 10:10

Laughing at the notion that all high earners do the same sort of work and live the same type of family lives.

My DC attended some of the most expensive schools in the country and every single event ( of which there were bloody zilllions) were well attended by parents.

Honestly, I could write a book on what to wear at every conceivable event from petit dejeuner francais to mud bath cross country finals Grin.

Bringing up my DC has been a joy, but so has working. They're now in university and we're still in contact every day, plus we're able to ensure they leave debt free.

RaindropsAndSparkles · 17/11/2017 11:43

What cautiontape said.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page