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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder what it's like to earn £200k per year?!

522 replies

ABCD1000 · 13/11/2017 19:43

Friend's husband earns just over £200k per year, with an annual £150k bonus for the last few years! No jealousy (much!) just wonder what life would be like?!

OP posts:
Magicnumbers · 14/11/2017 08:47

Been in both camps- only just getting by 15 years ago, almost going under 7 years ago, then we had a bit of luck and took a chance. It took a while but now we’re close to the bracket you describe.

I don’t take it for granted and always assume that it can be lost (if our main earner got sick or something). We have savings and a contingency plan. So we try to keep our feet on the ground, but there is no doubt that not having to worry about money is a bit weight off us. We manage to have a lot of good family time too, although DH is away a lot, and I would not sacrifice our DCs just for money. We have always said that if what we’re doing stops working out for any one of us then we rethink and change it. I don’t want my DCs missing out just for money. It’s a balance.

On the downside, as things improved for us we started helping out family. It felt great at first. That’s now become just expected and is starting to feel like we’re just a cash machine to some of them. We have 4 sets of people in our extended family owing us money right now, all for luxuries like holidays. That’s on top of a lot of money we gifted. We are obviously responsible for lending people money, we can say no, but it’s difficult when they know what you’re on. One cousin has stopped speaking to us because we said no to lending her more money, having loaned her £500 and given her £200. It’s grown people we’re talking about!

I wouldn’t change it, though, unless it stopped working out for our immediate family.

BitchQueen90 · 14/11/2017 08:52

It's hard for me to feel sympathy for people who say they struggle on this amount of money.

Having DC in private education, big holidays and cars, big houses etc are choices you make. They're not necessities. If you choose to spend your money on these things that's great and completely your decision, but it is just that - your choice. I'm quite sure having such a high paid job is very stressful but it's certainly not as stressful as worrying every month about how you're going to pay your bills.

Marika80 · 14/11/2017 09:01

Of course it's a choice and I would never suggest otherwise for one second, but it does become self-perpetuating.
Private school fees are the biggest outgoing for most people on that kind of salary. The schools are full with waiting lists, so clearly there are people with the ability to pay. Day fees on London are 7 k per term, so £21 k per child yearly plus extras. If the average is 2 kids, that's £50 k per year - so at 50% tax, that's £100 k that's needs to be earned before anything else. That is where the money goes. I would be surprised if any families who use the schools are in less than £200 k, unless they have a separate education fund or family help. Once you start on this kind of track, it's hard to get off, even if financial crisis hits, because nobody wants to disrupt their DC.

whiskyowl · 14/11/2017 09:01

The poorer you are, the more a small difference in income makes a change to your lifestyle. There's no increment that is ever more significant than the one that takes you out of bones-of-your-ass poverty into having a small surplus each month. The little indignities - not being able to afford to go out ever, having to take a calculator to the supermarket, having to take your washing to the laundrette and sit there in case it gets nicked, having to decide between heating and eating - are awful.

This is why we should try to ensure that everyone has a decent standard of living, rather than having some people struggling desperately while others are coasting with more money than they know what to do with.

Beachcomber · 14/11/2017 09:05

DH says our family needs £350 k minimum a year to cover our outgoings

"Outgoings" is just a euphemism for "what we spend".

Yeah, if you spend 350k a year you will need to earn 350k. But that isn't the same as actually needing 350k is it?

Yet again, I'm amazed that people who come out with such inanities are holding down jobs that apparently make the worth so much.

littlebird7 · 14/11/2017 09:06

The financial divide in this country makes me sick and I am on the right side. It absolutely makes me sick to my stomach. As a result I am putting a lot of time and money into the foodbanks, offering my time for collections and christmas especially is a big time for us.

I would like to see a more equal society with no one struggling, the stats of children in poverty is a disgrace.

Oly5 · 14/11/2017 09:09

Marika is just being honest so don’t know why she’s getting flamed. If I could afford private education for my kids then I’d never want to take them out of it and disrupt their life.. so yes, she does need/want to keep earning a certain amount for her family. She’s not suggesting it’s a necessity.. but it’s very much a want for her children

BitchQueen90 · 14/11/2017 09:13

whiskyowl yep. At one stage in my life I had £20 a week after my utility bills were paid for food, transport to work, etc. Now my yearly income is £20k and I can comfortably afford my 2 bedroom flat, bills, treats for DS and a holiday abroad once a year. I don't have a car or fancy things but I feel so lucky that I don't struggle to pay for basics with enough leftover for some luxuries.

I now volunteer with homeless people and honestly it's laughable the way some people plead poverty when they are on 6 figure salaries.

WitchesHatRim · 14/11/2017 09:13

I know this will sound absolutely ridiculous, so I have NC, but DH says our family needs £350 k minimum a year to cover our outgoings

It sounds ridiculous as it is. Lots of what is on your outgoings list is very much nice to have than need to have.

It's not like you are trying to decide whether to heat or eat is it Hmm

Believeitornot · 14/11/2017 09:14

I don’t earn anywhere near that but my (full time) salary puts me in the top 5%. So that’s about £70k a year.

I am well aware that we are very well off compared to most. We have not however mortgaged ourself to the hilt at my insistence (DH wanted a big detached house).

Life is too short. I’d rather live somewhere nice and comfortable than somewhere wow.

It’s nice to not worry and not save up for things like holidays!

iseenodust · 14/11/2017 09:17

I'd like to earn big money but not at the price of putting DS into boarding school so we could both do the business travel. However, if DH was to earn like that and have to travel that I could live with. Grin

BitchQueen90 · 14/11/2017 09:18

Marika yes but all those other things you mentioned - cars, holidays, expensive hobbies are things you could give up if you were really struggling that much.

morningconstitutional2017 · 14/11/2017 09:19

I've always thought that it must be wonderful to earn that kind of money but there must be pressures to go with it. You'd have to make sure that it showed that you were worth it as opposed to just being paid it iyswim. Plus of course there's the extra tax.

Then there's envy. I've a friend who lives in a very big house on a 'so-called' millionaires row. They've been burgled a few times as it's obvious that it belongs to someone who has a few bob to spare.

Then there's the idea that because they're rich they don't suffer bad things like the rest of us, or if they do, "it's all right for them, they're rich," which is plainly not true.

Lules · 14/11/2017 09:22

My DH doesn't earn that much but is a high earner. (I earn a lot lot less). We don't have a particularly flashy lifestyle but it buys us freedom from worry.

We have savings. If the boiler broke etc we'd get it fixed without worrying. I have a cleaner. We didn't have to worry about how we'd afford my mat leaves and 2 sets of nursery fees. I shop at Waitrose and if I can't be bothered to cook we can go out or get takeaway. If I want something (I don't mean big things but takeaway coffee, new jeans etc) I buy it without thinking about it.

It's great. Of course it is. That obviously doesn't mean our lives are stress free or that we aren't tired but it's a lot lot better than if we were struggling.

Marika80 · 14/11/2017 09:23

This is an anonymous thread. Nobody knows me and the question was asked how people would spend £250 k, so I'm speaking from my perspective. Of course, it's not "normal". However, there are huge swathes of London where you would not be able to buy a studio flat for under £500 k. If a 4-bed house is £5 million minimum, you can see how on £250 k, people would struggle to get a family house. Again, I'm not saying it's normal. But it is reality for millions of people. Unless you have family money, you would need a certain family income to survive. When my family come to visit, they are appalled that it's £7 to park your car for 1 hour. All these things add up too.

Believeitornot · 14/11/2017 09:23

@morningconstitutional2017 theres no reason for your friends to live in such a house.... as for the extra tax - you still get more in cash terms...

Farawayfromhere · 14/11/2017 09:23

People with the high incomes- do you help out your extended family or friends in hard times or do you just focus on your own children? When we have the 'if you win the lottery' it would people so often say they would buy their Mum a house etc etc. It's interesting that this doesn't really come up, but that lots of higher earners appear dissatisfied with their lives. I wonder if they looked outwards a bit more and helped others a bit more they might realise how lucky they were and stop focusing on themselves.
London life, and city working in particular, tends to make people very obsessed with money and very stressed, but really self absorbed. Life elsewhere on a much, much lower income can be good, although certainly you need to earn a certain amount to feel like it's not a struggle.
You have to have completely lost touch with reality if you feel that your life is hard in a way that is comparable to someone with children living on or close to the minimum wage because you earn lots of money in the city and have made a lot of lifestyle choices that mean you have giant outgoings too.

whiskyowl · 14/11/2017 09:24

"I now volunteer with homeless people and honestly it's laughable the way some people plead poverty when they are on 6 figure salaries."

A lot of people have just grown up privileged and entitled and never encountered genuine financial misfortune. They simply don't understand, unless they have really high emotional intelligence and empathy (something that kind of background doesn't really tend to cultivate because, at the end of the day, it's expensive).

So many people make their own hell. If you're on 6 figures- hell, if you're on anything remotely even close to that - you can have an absolutely lovely life, one in which time is valued over money, in which work is something you love but don't have to do, in which relationships come before bills, and a house is somewhere lovely but modest to love. Yet so many people throw that away, for what? A big, draughty pile of bricks, a car that is the dimensions of a tractor, and an exclusive school system that perpetuates inequalities.

Rousseau had this brilliant way of conceptualising this. He said there was a difference between "amour du soi" (genuine self-care, self-respect which is internal and self-sustaining) and "amour propre" (care for what other people think, which always looks outside of the self for validation). Amour propre is this corrosive thing, it's not just a kind of "keeping up with the Joneses" in consumer terms, but also a lack of independence, an inability to stand alone and say "This is me". At the same time as it looks outward, however, it's very atomising, and the opposite of being a true member of society as a collective - because everyone is always competing with one another, and that means you can't find solidarity with others. Amour du soi, however, lets the individual harmonise with wider society, but on terms that allow them to be self-reliant. If you are yourself in a self-sustaining way, you no longer need the approval of others, and life is no longer about performing.

WitchesHatRim · 14/11/2017 09:25

But it is reality for millions of people.

Millions of people on £250k plus do not struggle to buy a house.

You are being disingenuous.

CautionTape · 14/11/2017 09:26

faraway we help our extended family.

My mum wants for nowt and we're currently paying my niece through university.

JoandMax · 14/11/2017 09:29

DHs income is around 200k after tax and it's lovely. I love being able to shop without worrying, say yes to amazing school trips for my DC or expensive hobbies. We have a very nice lifestyle, big house, nice cars, trips away etc.

We've been broke before where every penny was counted and it is wearing and dull and stressful.

Yes money isn't the be all and end all but having enough and not having to worry gives you a sense of security and relieves a huge amount of stress.

We live abroad and although DHs job is stressful while he's there he has minimal travel and rarely works at home, he goes early so leaves the house around 6am but is home around 4pm. We do appreciate how lucky we are.

blueskyinmarch · 14/11/2017 09:33

My DH earns that, maybe a little more. He pays a lot of tax but does not complain about this. We are comfortable but we don't lead a jet set extravagant life.

My DH hates his job with a passion and at age 54 he recognises he is going to burn out soon. He puts as much possible away in the hope he can retire soon and the terrible pressure he is under can be lifted.

We are very thankful we have this financial cushion but i don't think we are happier or more fulfilled than those who earn less.

BitchQueen90 · 14/11/2017 09:33

Marika again though, that's choice. Most people who work in London commute there. No one NEEDS to live in the centre of London.

Marika80 · 14/11/2017 09:36

Witches - I don't mean struggle to buy a house in general, I mean in central London and large areas of south-west and north London too. Millions of people do live in houses here, obviously. Unless somebody gave them the deposits presumably they saved it from their income? Of course, there are millions of people who bought houses in the 80s, etc and now their houses are worth ten times what they paid, but I'm talking about trying to buy a house now. The stamp duty alone can be half million £ on a terraced town house.

blueskyinmarch · 14/11/2017 09:41

Faraway We don't need to help out family as they all manage fine on what they earn. My DP's have enough money and need no more. In fact they like giving money away to their DGC, including my DD's, even though they know they don't need to. If any of my family was stuck financially we would absolutely help out.