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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not look forward to my DD getting home from school

79 replies

WeLikeLucy · 13/11/2017 14:40

My DD is 5 years old and I have a toddler too. I don't look forward to her coming home from school because I feel the pressure to spend quality time with her and play / find activities to do. Trying to occupy them both is a nightmare.

She is well behaved generally, gets home and does a bit of homework, then it feels so long until 6pm when my DH gets home. I feel like I don't know what to do with her and I feel so shattered at the thought of having to play. It feel like utter boredom having to make up games and activities - is this normal to feel this way??

Today I went to around to a friend's and saw all the stuff she does for her kids after school. She's like some wonder-woman who makes loads of crafts and activities - saves them on Pinterest, etc. The evidence of 'learning activity' is all around the house.

What do you do with your kids after school?

OP posts:

ohtheholidays · 13/11/2017 16:15

Snack and drink on the way back in the car(it usually takes an hour to drive home from they're schools)they'll get in we'll hang up coats and bags put shoes away then they'll usually all go into the frontroom and we talk about they're day and they ask about mine.

We might watch some tv together,some will read,youngest might get her Dollys out or a game for us to play or she'll want to go on the computer for a while.

In bewteeen all of that I'll be feeding the 3 Dogs again,taking some treats out to our 2 Rabbits and feeding the cat again,sorting any last little bit of laundry and getting the dinner on.

Then we'll have dinner and pudding,check if DD14 and DS16 have any homework/coursework to do or revising for tests or exams,check with youngest DD10 if she has any work she needs to do and then we'll listen to her read to us.

Then we'll play some cards,watch tv or play a game then it's bath times and making the 3 youngest DC(we have 5DC)they're suppers,then getting DD10 to bed.

We don't have set plans for the evenings apart from feeding the children,making sure any homework is done and that they have a bath and go to bed at a good time.

nocampinghere · 13/11/2017 16:17

they've had a full on structured day at school. The last thing they need is a full on evening full of mummy craft.

have a chat and a snack and let her chill out.

eddiemairswife · 13/11/2017 16:25

Don't children play out anymore or have a friend round or go to a friend's house? Or don't people have neighbours with children?

inthekitchensink · 13/11/2017 16:32

Chat, rest, play, relax and some quiet time, followed by getting them to help prep the dinner. Set the table, wash fruit & veg and peel and cut it up, pour with measuring cups, cut fresh herbs, pod peas, count out veg for each person, pour and carry water to the table (little jugs are good), washing up, tidy the tea towels & napkins, stuff chicken breasts with soft cheese & wrap in ham and wash hands! Let them make a music playlist and choose songs together to play while you all work. Counting, colours, shapes, smells & textures all educational aspects to practising real life skills.

TheSassyAssassin · 13/11/2017 16:37

DD currently in drama club having fun...me in café having latte...happy days!

NapQueen · 13/11/2017 16:38

eddie mine dont play out as we dont have a suitable street for it. It is also too dark come 4pm.

And i cba to invite school friends round as Im not often off with the kids (they go to a CM most days) so I dont want to get into one of those nightmares of not reciprocating or not being in a position to collect them at the right time.

ItMustBeBedtimeSurely · 13/11/2017 16:47

My goodness, don't try to entertain your kids! Firstly, it never ends and will drive you bonkers, and secondly, it's actually bad for kids - they need to learn to use their initiative and find things they enjoy.

Original poster

WeLikeLucy · 13/11/2017 17:06

2 and 1/2 hours is quite a long time to fill. Lots of people have said - let them watch TV - but that is too much TV time. If I don't set up structured activities they mill about doing nothing, fighting over toys. I seem to have kids who aren't good at focusing on things unless I am there, doing it with them.

Ideally I'd like to do a short focussed activity then set them up with something to do independently, as I often need to make dinner during this time too. Any ideas for activities I can set up whilst I make dinner, that won't need much supervision or lead to arguments?

I'm surprised everyone thinks this is so easy!

OP posts:

Original poster

WeLikeLucy · 13/11/2017 17:08

BTW I have just resorted to TV! Jigsaws worked for a bit, and then as soon as I took my focus away, they started arguing and not really playing properly. They just wander around, picking up things, chucking things and fighting over them! arrrgh!

OP posts:

gamerchick · 13/11/2017 17:14

Iseem to have kids who aren't good at focusing on things unless I am there, doing it with them

It's because you are there thinking up and doing it with them that they're like that. Kids need to be bored sometimes, they need to be able to develop their imaginations and even squabble with each other.

Its true IMO as a PP says. Constant thinking for them makes a lazy brain and dependant on you for a lot longer than they should be.

sweetbitter · 13/11/2017 17:18

I think some kids are naturally better at entertaining themselves than others. I've seen friends kids who can get totally absorbed playing with their dinosars/cars/colouring happily on their own. DSS has never been like that, he is really social and just not interested in doing anything on his own unless it involves a screen. If we put him in front of the TV he wouldn't eventually "wander off and play" he'd just sit there glued to it until he was told he couldn't have it on any more.

I get where you're coming from OP, given that DSS has found it hard to entertain himself but will happily play any kind of game that involves another human, I find it really hard to NOT play with him and just let him be bored/in front of a screen. But the kind of games he liked to play at that age where so mind numbingly boring!

I think the answer is a routine that involves a bit of everything, so 1 hour TV, 1 hour doing something together, 1 hour where they're mostly doing something on their own with occasional interaction from you etc.

Activities for the latter: what about lego/duplo, colouring/drawing (especially if you give a directive), sticker books. Possibly activity/puzzle books & magazines targeted for their age?

AmysTiara · 13/11/2017 17:23

The reason your kids are no good at playing on their own is because you don't let them.

Seriously just tell them to amuse themselves or get them to do the tea with you.

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 13/11/2017 17:41

OP, hope we are ok to link threads but come and have a look at this
one. I don’t find it remotely easy and neither do lots of others! Mine also run around fighting and trashing the place which is why we do organised activities most days.

corythatwas · 13/11/2017 17:44

I used to read aloud to them a lot, or sing together. Also second the suggestion of letting her help with preparing the meal.

NancyDonahue · 13/11/2017 17:51

Just stick the telly on. I have 2 adult children who did great at school/college/uni and now have jobs, their own homes and partners. They watched a LOT of television, (in the days before internet) probably 3/4 hours a day in the winter, more at weekends. Ds used to watch Toy Story 1 and 2 back to back regularly (bliss). It doesn't seem to have harmed either of them at all.

JustDanceAddict · 13/11/2017 17:56

When they were in Reception/year 1 there were a few after school activities: drama, football, swimming, or they’d have play dates. If there was nothing on they’d watch TV for a bit, play with toys, dinner was at 5 then (got back about 3.45), after dinner more tv, Bath, reading time and bed at 7. Dh prob got back about 6.30 then.

Mol1628 · 13/11/2017 17:57

Also have 5yo and toddler.

They go in the living room and get the toys out whilst I make tea. Then we eat at the table and he tells me about his day. Then they play with toys a bit more, watch tv, have a bath and go to bed.

I never try and do any activities after school, he’s just too tired he likes space to do what he wants.

FlouncyDoves · 13/11/2017 18:04

Another vote here for letting them get used to playing on their own and a bit of TV time. Set up a book corner for them too, that way they can pick books up and flick through them. Also have a colouring box handy so they can get on with that on their own - maybe even a large packing box (like you use for moving house) and a few crayons. Plonk them in it and see what they create!

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 13/11/2017 18:07

I think it depends how tired they get from school. Mine generally are not remotely tired which means if they do not do any physical exercise / activity after school then there is no way they will then a) sit nicely for something like colouring or b) be tired at bedtime.

I have found the only way for sanity is something physical after school.

ShimmeringBollox · 13/11/2017 18:11

Oh gosh, we don't do structured activities after school. We always go to the park on the way home, then they play with their toys or do a bit of coloring in until we do the dinner, bath, reading bed shizzle.
The only thing I do is to make sure they can independently access all their toys and crafts stuff. That way they can just get on with it.

VioletCharlotte · 13/11/2017 18:15

You don't have to find things for her to do. She's only little, after being at school all day she just needs some downtime - snack, cuddle and TV, play with her toys while you make tea, then maybe some reading, bath and bed.

buzzbuzzbumblebee · 13/11/2017 18:17

I have a 4 and 5 year old - both at full time school.

When we get home from school - they either watch tv, play with their toys, puzzles, playdoh or draw.

They eat anywhere between 4-5.

They amuse themselves. Until 6:30 when our bedtime routine starts.

Currently 5 year old is under a blanket watching Netflix and 4 year old is sitting at the table playing with a toy wand!

moonmaker · 13/11/2017 21:24

Sticker books -mine loved doing these
Colouring if she likes it
Play doh
Tele
Just sit and chat

mirime · 13/11/2017 22:01

DS is 4 and is always exhausted after school. He does like to practice writing but does that without any encouragement off me and seems very proud of doing it on his own and showing me the results.

We read sometimes, but he mainly plays with his Lego and watches Lego Ninjago episodes.

Mivery · 13/11/2017 22:20

Don't be so hard on yourself! You don't need to be coming up with activities every single day for her. For the most part my kids are content to kind of do their own thing after school. We usually talk about their days and have a snack, then we do homework together and they're off to do whatever. Sometimes they ask me to do something and I'll happily play along, but a lot of the time they just want to watch TV or play games on their own. As she gets older you'll likely see her become more independent on her own, but I don't think you should have to feel all this pressure to entertain her.

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