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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not look forward to my DD getting home from school

79 replies

WeLikeLucy · 13/11/2017 14:40

My DD is 5 years old and I have a toddler too. I don't look forward to her coming home from school because I feel the pressure to spend quality time with her and play / find activities to do. Trying to occupy them both is a nightmare.

She is well behaved generally, gets home and does a bit of homework, then it feels so long until 6pm when my DH gets home. I feel like I don't know what to do with her and I feel so shattered at the thought of having to play. It feel like utter boredom having to make up games and activities - is this normal to feel this way??

Today I went to around to a friend's and saw all the stuff she does for her kids after school. She's like some wonder-woman who makes loads of crafts and activities - saves them on Pinterest, etc. The evidence of 'learning activity' is all around the house.

What do you do with your kids after school?

OP posts:

bookwormnerd · 13/11/2017 15:07

Dont put pressure on yourself. I have a 6 year old and toddler. When she gets home she gets changed, does her reading and homework, then will hapilly sit and watch a show, do drawing, play with lego or play with dolls or what ever toy she chooses. She wants to play with toddler to and have snack. She adores helping cook tea. I will sit down with them but it depends what they want to do. We have a chat about the day. I find time goes quickly to 6 when dh gets home. My daughter is happy if you give a pile of paper and colouring pens. She will often ask to read together. I would just let her choose what she wants to do rather than pressuring your self to find activities

AutumnMadness · 13/11/2017 15:11

[waves at SabineDeux] I like inviting other kids from school over to play, so they can all play together and leave me alone. :) And it's really ok to say to your child "No, I don't want to make the princess talk right now, I am cooking dinner, folding laundry, answering e-mails or painting my nails."

I feel we live in a culture where we value quick but ultimately short-term results over those that take a long time to emerge but are more sustainable. The intensive parent-lead early years learning will of course mean that little Johnny will do basic maths and be able to draw a horsy at five years old, but will it actually mean that he will have the drive and concentration to study (and enjoy!) maths at university or really express himself through art as a man?

papayasareyum · 13/11/2017 15:15

my year one child comes home and crashes in front of cartoons or her tablet. I didn’t know I was meant to be arranging activities and crafts via Pinterest?!

LyannaStarktheWolfMaid · 13/11/2017 15:15

Urm we have a snack, talk about the day and watch TV. Like normal people.
This. I work at home until 5:30 so dc are left to their own devices until then. No one seems to mind particularly!

Bluetrews25 · 13/11/2017 15:16

It's good for DCs to learn to occupy themselves. How exhausting it must be (for parents and DCs) to rush around doing all these worthy learning activities and taking them to astrophysics classes or junior brain surgery school or whatever. My DCs watched TV and made a den with cushions off the furniture. (Their favourite activity ever, especially when the two were combined!)
Let them use their own imaginations. Or just chill.

Allthebestnamesareused · 13/11/2017 15:17

I suspect she ends up doing the crafts herself

Just like in this French and Saunders sketch (start at about 2mins 40 in!)

blob:www.dailymotion.com/30c59f0f-21ed-43a7-93ef-dbb3e8dfffbd

scrabble1 · 13/11/2017 15:20

You have my sympathy op. Our son won't play alone and it is constant non stop

Katinkka · 13/11/2017 15:23

Children need a snack and a rest after school. That’s it. They also need to learn how to entertain themselves.

danTDM · 13/11/2017 15:23

Ummm...
I drop my DD off at 8.30. We are back at 5.10. She can relax as far as I'm concerned.

chronicallylate38 · 13/11/2017 15:24

my first thought on seeing your op is that after the homework has been done, you pop on the TV or they play on their own in their room - it's good for their imagination! Seriously - the toddler does something mostly on their own whilst you support the homework, and then the school aged child is off on their own to relax or play.

val4 · 13/11/2017 15:24

Your daughter is getting enough structured play at school. What's wrong with letting her potter along with her own toys or cuddle up and watch movie/tv? I'm a teacher and have 4 children. I never feel need to 'entertain them.

Ivehadtonamechangeforthis · 13/11/2017 15:27

Posh a healthy smack - that made me laugh.

OP fast forward a few years your friend will probably end up being that mega stressed out mum who's running her children to different after school clubs/lessons etc every day and feeling a failure if her children aren't doing something/being stimulated all of the time.

LuchiMangsho · 13/11/2017 15:32

We are a minimal screen household so the TV isn't on. But he comes home, has a snack, plays with his baby brother who is delighted to see him (I am on mat leave), finishes homework (some reading and usually a sheet or two- takes 15 mins at most) and then potters about. Sometimes we put on music and dance. Sometimes he plays his own games. Usually he talks nineteen to the dozen at me. Sometimes we read to the baby together or he helps out with housework. But mainly just chilling out.
The one thing I do with him is that when the baby is down for the night around half 6 I do spent 30 mins reading to him.

SabineDeux · 13/11/2017 15:34

"a nice but healthy smack"

OhNoFuckADuck · 13/11/2017 15:38

what katinkka says.

mummmy2017 · 13/11/2017 15:44

You don't have to put pressure on yourself like this.

Have a pile of books for her, and some colouring, TV is good, and if she keeps demanding your attention, put the TV on CBBC and talk about the programs, kids don't need things to do, they just want attention.

At 5 she can make snacks, if you give her soft butter and cheese spreads or jam she can make them both a small snack. Kids like messing around, so you could make some dough while she isn't home, and let her make things, so all you need to do is sit and watch both your babies.

RagingFemininist · 13/11/2017 15:44

TBH after a whole day at school, the last th8g that children need is more learning at age.
Runn8ng around would sound like a better option to me if youbreally want to do something.
So is having a long bath, listening to a story (audiobooks!!) and just ... playing

At that age, I would expect her to be able to play on her own for a while and just chill out form the day.
Add a snack, some talk about the day, a bit of tv. That should be plenty.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 13/11/2017 15:47

Poor child.

She's been at school all day being told what to dao and when. Let her have a bit of space. She needs to chill out and so do you

Just let her decide what she wants to do, if that means lounging around doing nothing for an hour then so be it. Mine at that age, would have a snack, talk about their day then play by themselves/watch a bit of TV, whilst I made their tea. Then it was
Bath, books, bed.

formerbabe · 13/11/2017 15:50

I've never set up Pinterest worthy activities for after school!

We get home, I sort dinner whilst they play, watch TV, go on their tablet. I think they need some down time and freedom to do what they want after a full day at school.

Currently my dd is doing Lego and my ds is on his tablet.

It's not that many hours to fill...we are home by 3.30, ready for bed by 7.30 so it's only 4 hours..not too long when you factor in dinner and bath time.

Unihorn · 13/11/2017 15:55

DSD watches TV, builds a "den" out of cushions and pillows or plays out the front on her scooter (we live in a cul-de-sac). 80% of the time it's TV

Enwi · 13/11/2017 15:57

Try and remember you aren't a children's entertainer! At 5 she should be able to go and play and entertain herself for a while, atleast whilst you're making tea.
Personally I absolutely hate 'playing' with children. I know that sounds awful, but I do. I hate making up games, and pretending and make believe. I find it incredibly boring and I just can't stand it. I do however love playing board games, love doing 'Pinterest' activities with them, love doing jigsaws and baking and playing pairs. So those are the things we do, because they are things we both enjoy. I think at 5 your little girl is old enough to understand that an activity is for both of you to enjoy, just like at school she will play games with her friends that they both like.
Come home, let her do her homework, pick a game or activity for you to do together and then ask her to tidy up and go and play with some toys whilst you cook dinner.

MrsZenMum · 13/11/2017 16:02

What does your DD want to do?
I remember being so tired from school I just wanted to watch some TV or read a book, or just sit at the table and do absolutely nothing (which drove my mum crazy ;-) )
It sounds a though you're setting the bar very high for yourself. Just relax (I know, easier said than done).

Ausparent · 13/11/2017 16:03

Self direction is a massively important skill and one children usually develop outside of school.

My ds is 7 and dd is 4. We have a cupboard with colouring stuff in and a box of scrap paper, glue stick and scissors and they sort themselves out. We don't watch t.v. in the week, just because of the performance from ds whenever it was time to turn it off so they have to entertain themselves.

Very often, after a bit of a moan, they get into a project between themselves and I just ooh and ahh at regular intervals.

Remind yourself it is for their own good and you will feel better...

MiaowTheCat · 13/11/2017 16:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lovemusic33 · 13/11/2017 16:13

After school time has always been homework and chill out time in my house, in the summer we might pop out (park, beach, by the river) but this time of year we don't do much. If dd wants to spend time with me than she helps cook dinner but quite often they go and play upstairs or go on their iPads until dinner time.

We plan activities for the weekend and spend time together doing things or going places.

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