To be a bit creeped out?

[Willowgate5]

Took DD to park. There was another woman and her 2 kids, and 2 men who seemed to be around 40s. Naturally assumed the men were with the woman.

Then the woman left but the men stayed. They were just hanging around in the park. It's a tiny park, with walkways and a bit of green around it with benches, so it seemed a bit odd for them to be in the actual park without any kids.

I chastised myself and asked would I be thinking the same if they were women? Perhaps I was being stupid.

One man left, other stayed. I kept seeing him watching me. I can be a people-watcher at times though so I shrugged it off again.

As I left, he said goodbye to me and said me and my child were 'very good'. I figured he meant well-behaved (my child) or something like that - It was clear English wasn't his first language so I couldn't understand exactly what he was trying to say.

Me and DD walked down the pathway to a grassy hill where she was running up and down it. I look back at the park and find him stating at us. He then vacates the park and comes and stands with us, watching what we're doing.

Now I feel a bit creeped out... I wonder if perhaps he is just lonely and want a someone to talk to? Maybe he has a younger age intellectually and doesn't realise he's making me feel awkward?

Anyway, he starts asking me if she's my only child, where I'm from. He says he's from Bulgaria and I say I've been on holiday there before... I was just trying to be nice. He says he has no kids but will soon.

He then says bye to me again and walks on down the path, and I think I've gotten rid of him. But then I turn around and he's standing at the exit of the pathway where he knows I will be going... just staring at us again.

I take my sweet time putting DD in the pushchair and wrapping her up, hoping that if I take long enough then he'll go away. No such luck. Still there, still watching.

I realise that he thinks I'm going right as he is standing to the turn right at the exit (I vaguely mentioned I lived over that way and pointed right during our brief convo). He was waiting for me so that he could walk with me or something? I don't know.

I went left. He shouted goodbye again but then went on his way.

Now I'm wondering if I'm overthinking this and shouldn't have gotten the weird vibe that I did? It seemed he wasn't aware he was behaving strangely so maybe just socially awkward?

Aibu?

I think he was trying to chat you up, although if he said he would have kids soon maybe he thought it would be nice to try and start a friendship?

My money is on him fancying you though. Perfectly reasonable to feel unnerved

Saoirse

Sorry, my fault. I wasn't clear. It was a park type area, with a tiny fenced-in playground. He was hanging around inside the playground, then followed to the outside park area, to the walkway where you exit the park.

Thank you all for your responses. I can be very cynical and anxious so just wanted to see if I was blowing it up in my head.

I hadn't thought about the cultural aspect, whereby social customs on approaching new people/staring may be different to ours.

You don't have to be polite to strangers who make you feel uncomfortable, you know.

Maybe that's the most important 'take away' from this exchange.

You are not obliged to humour strangers at all, ever, even a tiny bit, if something feels off about them.

Ignore. Walk away. Be 'rude'. That's perfectly OK. Wise, in fact.

This with bells on. I’d be massively creeped out and anyway trying to minimise the fear men like this can put into women (and probably enjoy scaring them) can FOTTFSOF

Social customs or not, he made you feel uncomfortable, it is your right not to engage with him. It is plain weird hanging round a kids playground with no kid, and following and approaching a woman with a child.

I'd have found that weird too and I'm very laid back. I would wonder why the men were in the playground and why one stayed and was staring. The chat would probably calm my nerves a bit but waiting at the end of the path would freak me out some more.

Why would it be weird for a male to be in a park on his own? They're open to the public not just women and children.

it was a park not a childrens playground and men or lone men have just as much right to enjoy it as a woman and children. He probably just fancied you or wanted to practice his english

@AnnabellaH it’s weird for any adult to be in a playground without a child.

@walnutwhip88 OP said
“It was a park type area, with a tiny fenced-in playground. He was hanging around inside the playground, then followed to the outside park area, to the walkway where you exit the park. “

It's difficult to know, could have been totally innocent and just being friendly and unaware that he was making you uncomfortable, or could have been more sinister.
I was once aware I was being watched in a play area, walked off up the park with dd in a buggy and realised the man was walking up the road next to the park, mirroring me. Luckily I saw another lady with a child ahead so I went up to her and told her and we walked together. He was waiting at he top of the park and stared at us so we went in a shop until he went.
I rang the local police station ( before 101) but they weren't interested as he hadn't approached us.
Next time I saw his face it was on the local news as a police illustration of a rapist they were hunting.

I realise mine is an extreme, but I would be very wary of any man acting like you encountered.

People seriously think a man in a playground on his own with no kids staring at women is his right

Why would it be weird for a male to be in a park on his own? They're open to the public not just women and children.

I dunno..maybe because he didn't have a child with him?

Was he going on the slide OP?

He wasn’t just in the park, he was actually in the children’s walled play area. The OP had assumed that he was with one of the other families and then found out that he was on his own.

Obviously it’s possible to be overly wary, but alarm bells would definitely be ringing for me if such a man started following my DDs and me.

Fuck me Allgood that's scary.
Did you speak to the police again after you'd recognised him?

It's a tiny park, with walkways and a bit of green around it with benches, so it seemed a bit odd for them to be in the actual park without any kids.

YWBVVVVVU with that ridiculous statement.

He then vacates the park and comes and stands with us, watching what we're doing.

YANBU to be creeped out at THAT stage. Men should not be following lone women, even if they just want to chat.

Was it getting dark when you left?

You know that you don't owe anyone anything don't you? You only offer yourself and your daughter in this situation. The man cab be as monkey lonely or as culturally confused as possible, but you don't have to accommodate him at your expense.
Easy to say , but less easy to do, I know. But keep that at the forefront of your mind if there is ever a next time.

I've noticed groups of eastern European men hanging around together in parks and on the street. I think it's partly a cultural thing to hang out in groups, and partly because some of them have nowhere else to go in the day. If he's recently arrived in the UK it could be that he's staying in b&b or hostel type accommodation and they only have a bedroom to sit in.

That being said I would also feel uneasy due to the staring and feeling like he was following.

As for someone saying it's a pointless thread. You could probably say that about 50% of the threads on here, but isn't that kind of the point of mumsnet? To put your thoughts, musings, whatever the hell you like. Jog on to another thread that's more to your liking.

That is very creepy. Standing, staring and then waiting for you is very odd behaviour. As someone said upthread - you owe him nothing, not even politeness.
Is it too extreme to report him to 101????

Read The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Beck and always listen to your intuition as PP said above. It is odd for a man to be in a child's playground without children and I would have been creeped out too!

For everyone saying I was being unreasonable about him being in the park without kids, I think I've caused some confusion. I say 'I'm taking DD to the park' when what I mean is to a playground inside a park. He wasn't just in the park, he was specifically hanging around inside the playground. Sorry, that was my fault for not being clear enough.

Had he been in the park, outside the playground, I wouldn't have given it a second thought, of course not!
He then followed me out to the park, then waited at the exit for me.
(Wish I could edit my OP now!)
I guess that's why I posted really. I felt bad for judging his intentions and worried I felt that way just because he was a man and that I was being prejudiced or whatever.

I feel bad for feeling creeped out basically! I think I can be a bit 'too nice'. I often feel like I have to just go along with things so as to not upset the situation... It's landed me in horrible places as a teen.

Trust your gut op, don't feel you gave to be polite if someone is making yiu feel uneasy. Yes a lone person shoukd not really be in a kids playground, especially a woman on her own with her child, he has no reason to be in there. Oh my goodness Allgood, good thing you were cautious of him.

Being inside the playground without a kid is a bit iffy. Some parks I have been to actually have signs on the playground gate saying adults who are not accompanied by a child should not come in.

Being in a park unaccompanied is acceptable behaviour; plenty of people like to sit or stroll in a park, because that's what parks are for.

It's possible this man was harmless/lonely/culturally accustomed to making polite conversation with strangers, which is something that varies a lot. (I am a Londoner, and I regard anyone trying to make conversation with me in parks/on public transport/in the street as being either potentially harmful or just a PITA - people I know from further north or more rural places find Londoners hostile and rude because we don't like talking to randoms). It's also possible he had dubious intentions - but he doesn't appear to have done anything actually wrong. So OP was right to get away quickly, reasonable to feel a bit creeped out, but would be wrong to 'report him'. Because he committed no crime and she has no idea who he is, so there's fuck all for the police to do about him anyway.

No don't feel bad op, that would have creeped me out. He had no reason following you and blocking your exit twice.