Regarding stepson and Christmas present

[Valderal]

I think I am btw but would just like clarification or indeed suggestions as to an alternative

Dss 10yrs lives here for one week and at mum's for one week. This has been the case for 4 years now.

For clarity, we get on very well, I am friends of sorts with his mum and we keep in contact (all 4 adults) regarding his schooling, upbringing and clubs/events.

My problem is Christmas. Eldest dss would like something which will cost us £300 and then there is the games etc which cost £50 a piece.
His mum has just confirmed this morning that she has already bought this which is fine.

So bearing in mind we have another 2 dss and my daughter to buy for, would I be unreasonable in saying to dss that as he already has this at mum's can he suggest something else he might like?

1. Because if he already opens it at mum's on Christmas morning then the excitement has gone perhaps
2. Does a 10 yr old boy really need 2 of these consoles?

Worth noting that mum doesn't allow him to take things from hers to ours. Everything of theirs stays in her house.

Should we look at getting something else despite him asking for this for our house?
He won't know at this stage that he will have it at mum's

moving are you the mum or stepmum in this situation? And how long? If you don't mind me asking.

jet sound advice. Thank you.

I actually think having different stuff at each home makes dc accept different rules +parenting styles. My ds certainly never expected the same lack of parenting at my house and did accept rules existed and followed them

My son has just bought himself a used PS4 from the internet. It was £140 and came with 3 games and a controller. It is working well so far, he is really pleased with it. I think that could be an option for your DSS as mentioned by PPs.

We have a week on week off arrangement with my dss. We duplicate things if it's something he wants and won't be easy to come back and forth. When I first moved in with his dad and him nothing went from house to house but now he is a teenager and stuff is expensive it will do. Last year we got him a PS4 as he wanted one but he has a Xbox at his mums.
As the switch is so easy to take backwards and forwards I would offer to go halves and by a separate docking station.

Second hand Switch consoles really aren't an awful lot cheaper than brand new ones - they only came out in March of this year.

Hi OP, I’m the step mum. We try to duplicate the things they spend their time on. It evolves over time.

It costs ££ but it’s not for long. Soon they will be off to new things as they grow and their interests change.

We sell old tech to fund new stuff.

We are a very techie family so things that other people probably wouldn’t prioritise, are important to us.

I definitely wouldn't buy him a new console if his mum is buying him one - it wouldn't be appreciated and £300 for one child is a vast amount.

I wouldn't buy a second-hand one if his mum is getting him a new one - that would just make you look mean and the guarantee would be invalid.

And I certainly wouldn't buy him a game to go with the new console - you need to buy him things he can enjoy using at YOUR house.

I would suggest you buy him something entirely different that he hasn't asked for, maybe an awesome remote control toy? Or a keyboard or drum kit? Or maybe buy each of your kids, including him, the same gift such a new bike?

I think given that his Mum won't allow him to bring things to your house then what he has at her house is completely irrelevant.

You need to set your Christmas budget and then buy all of the children their presents accordingly. If this console doesn't fit into the budget then he doesn't get it.

My girls have two of a lot of things because their Dad won't allow them to bring anything from his to here (although he sees them much less than weekly) so we've always gone with the thoughts that we disregard what they have elsewhere and just focus on our house and what they want/need here [we do the same with budget, we spend the same per child - their Dad spends half as much as he does on their half siblings as they have presents here, so everyone does things differently and you just need to decide what works for you]

As suggested by PPs, see if you can share the cost of the switch and share it between the two homes, especially as it is designed to be transportable. You could offer to buy a decent carry bag to protect it better during transporting. If this is not possible, it is up to you whether you feel you can afford\want to buy a duplicate.

Last weekend we bought a Switch and a game in a package deal for £300, this is for all 4 of our boys to share between them for Christmas, so the equivalent of £75 each. (But we don't have to share it between two houses either.) They will be getting other bits and pieces, maybe another game for the Switch, so it's not all they are getting. But there is no way we could afford one each! If we want a second controller the Nintendo ones cost about £60-£70, so people will have to save to buy some added extras out of pocket/birthday/Christmas money. (Compatible wired controllers are about £30, but it all costs more money.)

When we were looking where to buy the switch from we looked at secondhand consoles. In one shop they were only £10 cheaper than buying it new, in another they were charging £280! (They are £279.99 new) So not really worth doing that unless you can find one cheap on-line, but there are risks with that.

Ultimately, it is up to you what you feel you can afford and what you choose to spend your money on. But in one shop, the sales assistant did tell us we could see if they go into the Black Friday sales, but he did also say he thought it was unlikely they would, so not really much help! But if you can, wait until then to try and get one cheap, if they don't go in the sale you can always have another idea ready to buy for him instead.

Why are you making the decisions about this. Surely it's his father's responsibility

We all have a say Lethal

To be honest, I think it’s madness that a 10 year old already has a console, tablet and laptop at one parent’s house. This is a child who doesn’t need any more electronics. I’m surprised you’re even considering another console. Obviously you can’t control what your stepson’s mother buys, but I would certainly not be being one.

How is it fair on the child to have all kinds of things in one house and none in the other? It's hard enough for a kid to shuttle between homes like that like a pass the parcel, even worse that he's then told that he can;t have his favourite toys every other week.
No, you don't have to double up at all, but do try and see it from his point of view at least.

crumpets thats his mothers decision. Op should not have to spend thousands duplicating everything because of that.

He doesnt have "nothing" at ops house at all.

Hot buttered - so the kid should be completely materially spoilt to make up for his parents splitting up! A £300 console in each house! No way would i let a child of mine have this but then I wouldn't have given my kid even one £300 console in the first place.

All those judging the mum for not letting him take stuff to his dads... I used to let my son take stuff to his dads, I wanted things to move freely. But nothing ever came back again. His dad could stock a large shop with all the things that have gone in one direction over the years. Including his favourite teddy he had cuddled every night since he was a baby, bikes, scooters, brand new shoes. I feel like an awful mum every time I say no to things going, but I simply cannot afford it. Don’t be so quick to judge.

NeverTwerk. That's not the case here. But I understand where you're coming from.

Perhaps mum just doesn't want to risk It?

Why are you making the decisions about this. Surely it's his father's responsibility

I’d be pretty pissed off if over £300 was spent on one child (out of 4) without my input on the matter.

so the kid should be completely materially spoilt to make up for his parents splitting up! A £300 console in each house!

That isn't what I said, nor what I think. All I said was think of it from his point of view. I would hate to live like that, half of my stuff lost to me every other week, told that its my brand new gadget present was something I had to leave behind all the time. I don't think its fair to dismiss it as if he's just a grabby kid.

I kind of agree with you hot buttered but I think that’s why I think alternating weeks is hard on kids. It’s an intellectual cop-out really, just split their life half way down the middle because that’s “fair” for the adults

Wtf

Your not being unreasonable.

Nobody needs one let alone two !

Get something else.

NeverTwerk - I'm sorry but I find your comment slightly offensive and upsetting. Perhaps you never meant it the way I read it? Obviously I'm sensitive to remarks like that because we live that life.

We genuinely try to do our best with the situation we have.

The people suggesting they buy a second console the same what sort of attitude do you think that would create ??

Absolute madness........it doesnt harm children to know different homes have different budgets and sometimes they cant have what they want.

Op, im guessing its a nintendo switch console ?? There is a transporting case you can buy to protect it.........sounds like it's time to speak to mum about getti g one of those and games to go with it. Two consoles is just stupid.

Similar situation here. My DSS has an Xbox one at both houses and duplicate games at both houses.

Its what he likes. If it's too expensive then that's a different issue but to spend £300 + on stuff he doesn't want is a waste imo.

Could it be birthday and Christmas combined?