Regarding stepson and Christmas present

[Valderal]

I think I am btw but would just like clarification or indeed suggestions as to an alternative

Dss 10yrs lives here for one week and at mum's for one week. This has been the case for 4 years now.

For clarity, we get on very well, I am friends of sorts with his mum and we keep in contact (all 4 adults) regarding his schooling, upbringing and clubs/events.

My problem is Christmas. Eldest dss would like something which will cost us £300 and then there is the games etc which cost £50 a piece.
His mum has just confirmed this morning that she has already bought this which is fine.

So bearing in mind we have another 2 dss and my daughter to buy for, would I be unreasonable in saying to dss that as he already has this at mum's can he suggest something else he might like?

1. Because if he already opens it at mum's on Christmas morning then the excitement has gone perhaps
2. Does a 10 yr old boy really need 2 of these consoles?

Worth noting that mum doesn't allow him to take things from hers to ours. Everything of theirs stays in her house.

Should we look at getting something else despite him asking for this for our house?
He won't know at this stage that he will have it at mum's

[hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea]

Consoles are not portable like phones and tablets. I wouldn't let them move it week by week.

[BelligerentGardenPixies]

I'm assuming it's a Switch in which case you are unlikely to be able to pick up a second hand one yet.

He doesn't need two and he has the facility to play games at your house (children do not wither on the vine if they do not have access to their preferred console). I would get him something else and maybe suggest that you will get him one at a later date providing you can get a second hand one at a reasonable price.

[HelloSquirrels]

A phone is a lot different to a games console.

[Valderal]

I did consider going halves.

However previous experience suggests that we would invest in this item, never see it and it would be sold on the following year and we wouldn't have anything for it.

That's me being entirely selfish and looking at the monetary aspect.

Going halves would need to have some discussion

[Valderal]

It is a switch btw. And I believe the beauty of it is that it can be transported around easily?

[BelligerentGardenPixies]

Hot - If it is a Switch, then it is portable (it's one of the selling points of the console), however I don't think the keeping stuff separate is that bad an idea providing both homes have plenty of resources for the child. It saves potential resentment over things going missing/getting broken etc.

[dertyyuoih2]

Does he want an Xbox 1? Is it because all his friends do?
Kids like to game together online.
My DSS has a console at both houses he just got them at diff times, ie Xmas and bday.
You could go for an reconditioned one. I’d imagine he will be more aggrieved he doesn’t get one at yours to be honest. The PS4 could be traded in towards the cost as well

[dertyyuoih2]

Oh just saw it’s a switch. Could you offer to go halves if she has bought already? Then share?

[JigglyTuff]

We take our Switch everywhere - the whole point of it is that it's transportable.

If it's his, then surely his mother doesn't dictate what he's allowed to do with his things?

[LostForNow]

At 10 he must know how much the console costs.

Just tell him he has a limit of £x.

I wouldn't get a 2nd hand one is his mum s getting a new one.

[Valderal]

jiggly you'd be surprised

[londonlookout]

Don't know what a switch is but I would try to come to some sort of compromise or alternative. I was a 'weekend' child at one parents and it was bad enough being without my stuff for a few days, but a week is quite a long time if he is really into it. I think the week about arrangement is really crap for children

[DailyMailReadersAreThick]

Going halves would need to have some discussion

If those discussions could work (i.e. agreement he will use it at both houses and mum won't sell it without consultation) then that seems the best outcome.

You can see from the defensiveness that people wouldn't want to be parted from their favourite device 50% of the time.

[QuopQuop]

Could you not get the console as a family present for everyone at your house?

If he already has a PS4 at yours I think I can guess what console it is he wants and would say it's a good
Family
Present
Xx

[JetCityWoman]

Don't get it.

If he has one at mums then he can do his gaming at mums and different gaming stuff when he is with you.

If mum refuses to allow him to bring his stuff to his dads then surely you need to discuss this?

Hes 10 years old. Soon he will have mobile phones and tablets for school work and such. Will mum insist he has one phone at her house and one at yours? is that actually realistic?

I can understand the need to keep X toys at home and have some toys ar yours because kids toys are a pain in the arse to move about but as they get older they get smaller and easier to move. especially a switch. Its pretty small compared to a PS4.

honestly I think your problem is that your DSS isn't allowed to bring his things to see his dad and thats going to be even more problematic now he's approaching his teens.

If you did get it though I would be very strict and follow mums lead that the switch a dads house toy only.

[Valderal]

london he has stuff here.
Console, tablet, laptop, games, books.

Personally I think it's crap for children who have to pack a bag to stay at another parents house as a guest, like my daughter. But that's the way it is and we all work hard to make sure it's as easy as possible ensuring they have a home in each house.

It's been this way for 4 years.

[peachgreen]

You can buy a Switch dock separately which means he could just bring the handheld console to yours and use it exactly the same way he would at home (ie hooked up to the telly). It’s about £70 which is very annoying but cheaper than buying a whole new console! You could go halves with his Mum on the console and 2 docks?

[Valderal]

Peach. That could definitely work

[JetCityWoman]

and I am wondering now it mum has put this rule in place because she wants to make sure dad is buying for his son.

I know he is, OP. You know he is but it does feel that way from the posts you've shared. Mum is bending your arm basically to make you buy stuff for DSS even if he already has it which to me isn't... great.

I don't want to be mean to the mum but its controlling!

[Valderal]

jet we do feel like that.

But that's not a battle we want. We just want an easy life and for the kids to be happy.

As someone upthread has already said, the kids didn't ask for this.


fwiw. I was not the other woman and met DP after mum had moved in with someone else so it's not out of any sort of guilt

[Valderal]

Some good suggestions on here. Thanks everyone for what you've typed.

We need to find better way.

The going halves option with docking stations seems our best bet.

We will just have to concede that moment of pride on Christmas morning when you've done a good job by your child as it will have already happened at mums. (Selfish again, I know)

[movingtowardsthelight]

We duplicate everything. Similar situation. It’s easier and causes less stress with transition.

It’s expensive though.

[YellowMakesMeSmile]

I wouldn't go halves on a gift he will only be able to play with half the time. Not when all the other children are opening gifts that can choose to take back and forth.

Just ask him to make a list putting more than his main gift on there and pick from the rest of the items.

[JetCityWoman]

I understand you don't want that battle but I think you can take control of this situation in ways that don't involve a battle, subtlety and all that. Eventually your DSS is going to get vocal about wanting HIS stuff to come with him and that will come sooner than you think. Your DSS is going to start this battle whether you want to or not.

I think peach's suggestion is probably the best idea to broach to mum. If she doesn't go for it then I would get DSS something else instead. Its not like you are the ones depriving him from gaming and tbf the switch isn't as big for online gaming as say the PS4 so him not being able to game with friends is a bit redundant. He can game at yours! remember that.

I agree with you about things being sold on. If you buy it for him mum shouldn't be selling it so for that reason alone I wouldn't buy it.