Punishments for bad behaviour

[Witsend247]

My children's behaviour has become out of control. Especially my youngest who is 8.
I've tried grounding, loss of screen time. All of which is followed through to be met with an "I don't care" attitude. And the cycle continues. Something needs to change or I'll end up leaving them with DH. Theyre making me unwell.

Everything goes and they have to earn it back

Which is why @Pengggwn it makes no sense. I expect my child to behave politely to everyone not respect me solely because I am her parent. Either it’s a particular feeling about a particular person or it’s general.

It’s funny because I’m sure all the authoritarians on here have a mental image of my child. For the record, we went to dinner at a fancy restaurant last night and she behaved impeccably. Polite, quiet, neat and appropriate. A 6yo kid with moderately severe ADHD. She knows how to behave.

Are you actually reading my posts or filtering some of the words through the film of your own expectations? I expect decent behaviour. I’ve written that several times now.

I think some people mistake fear or resignation for respect.

OP I wouldn't go out tonight if all your efforts are going to be undermined by your DH. This is the real issue, not the DC. You're not on the same page and your DC know it.

The first thing you need to do is sit down with DH and decide what the rules and boundaries are and how you will back each other up. Then stick to them. The DC don't respect you because your DH doesn't. It isn't going to change unless you become a united front. The punishments are just causing resentment and giving them something to rebel against. You'd need to spend some time together as a family and have more fun together.

Mama- I decided to stay in after all. I thought it best to stay in and uphold the consequences of dc8s actions.

Mrs- I don't expect my dcs to be fear me or show any sort of admiration or even behave perfectly. I just want them to have respect for me, others and most importantly themselves. Im certainly not the authoritarian type. If i was, they wouldn't have got this bad.
I feel like a little tough love is needed at this time to reign in this behaviour and was looking for helpful advice on appropriate consequences as what I'm doing doesn't seem to be working. Ive been on this site for many, many years and it is supposed to be a supportive community. Over the years I have seen this ethos deteriate as dramatically as my dcs behaviour!

Thank you to all the posters with helpful ideas. I'm leaving the thread now as it seems to be a bun fight brewing. Nothing new there..

Have you tried the book " How to talk so kids listen and listen so kids talk". I've not got the title quite right but it's brilliant. It's Americanized in the examples but I think the scenarios are really good.