AIBU to be annoyed that my DM wont come to my DD's choir concert.

[fromanotherplanet]

Hi Mumsnetters,

I just had a chat with my DM and she now has changed her mind about coming to my DDs choir Christmas gala concert. DD has opportunity to sing at the concert hall for international choir. The tickets are not that cheap but this is a special moment. At first she was delighted to come. Told everyone she knew. Her oldest friend asked to come too. All good. until, that is, I told them the cost of the tickets. Then OMG it all kicked off...Why dont they have concession? Are they trying to raise funds? Is it for charity? And so it went on. Now DM says she isnt coming nor is her friend. I am annoyed because its a one off event. I would have offered to pay but will all that has been said and done I'm not feeling charitable (not that I can afford it either tbh. SO now my DM wants to give a donation... and it's not that kind of event. Donation v ticket....I really dont understand her logic.

**In the past she has complained that she doesn't go to many of her grandaughters events etc.

AIBU to be angry?

Why are you angry?

I don’t think this matters; at all. Presumably you will go so your daughter will have some support; and as you’ve said, you could afford to pay for her to attend but don’t want too. That’s your choice but it suggests you don’t want her there that badly.

Out of interest; how much are the tickets?

How expensive are the tickets? It is customary to tell people the ticket prices when inviting so they have a chance to politely refuse if too expensive.

How much is it?

Is it just a money-making from parents thing, like some drama school 'productions'?

How much is it?

I think I would be exasperated but not angry. I would be very matter of fact and say, "ok.. don't come" . I agree with PP, that as long as you are there to support your DD there is not harm done.

I think how much the tickets are is key here.

Cost please before we can make the necessary judgement?

A clarification on costs would help (and probably would've helped from the start if you thought your mum couldn't afford it). Though I can understand frustration if she moans about missing out on events, then pulls out of one she's invited to.

Cost definitely key here. I wouldn’t expect to pay much for a child’s Christmas concert tbh.

Is this part of a longer term lack of interest in her grandchild?

I’d have probably had a wry smile or eye roll at this if it was my DM, given that she has complained in the past about not being able to come to her GD’s events. I don’t think it would make me particularly angry though.

This might sound a bit mean, but I don’t know how much I’d pay to watch a school concert, except if it was for one of my own dc (and even then I’d be miffed that the school charged a great deal more than about £15 or so). Fair enough if it’s for charity or fundraising, but then you said a donation wasn’t any good either?

Did she invite herself or did you do the inviting? If the latter then surely you would have covered the cost of the tickets anyway so they wouldn't have known the cost.

If they invited themselves and you didn't tell them the expense then they can change their minds.

Lots of schools use Carnegie Hall for this, tickets are £15-£20. Raises funds for the school. Yes it’s a one off, lovely venue, beautifully arranged, very special.

Just buy her a ticket fgs

i'll lend you the fifteen quid if necessary.

Is she short of money? My mum is on a very low income- bad health, pension credit etc. There is no way she could afford a ticket for something like that (we would treat her).

Maybe she'd truly find it hard to afford the ticket? What sort of prices are we talking about here?

My eldest is playing at the Albert Hall next week as part of the school’s prom. Dad isn’t coming. Hasn’t had enough notice apparently.

Some people just don’t value these things. Chalk it up and move on.

Just buy her a ticket ffs

Its 20 for the ticket and I did say how much it was in the beginning. I said I'd ask if they did concession.

She can afford it, not that that is the point I will pay. DM can be tricky and says/does the opposite. So she'll say oh my friend goes to all her grandkids events..but of course she gets invited...I invite her and its oh I dont think I can make it. I am just annoyed that there seems to be this thing that my daughter is doing is so expensive and unwarrented...its not. Anyway its down to choice.

My dd was an angel her first Christmas in reception. My dm travelled 30 miles on 2 buses to watch her for 20 mins.

I would have struggled with feelings of resentment if she had your dm attitude.

£20 is a lot.

Ok then just say fine youve chosen not to come.

She did only say she was not coming when you told her it was £20. Not sure I would want to pay £20 for this either.