AIBU to be annoyed that my DM wont come to my DD's choir concert.

[fromanotherplanet]

Hi Mumsnetters,

I just had a chat with my DM and she now has changed her mind about coming to my DDs choir Christmas gala concert. DD has opportunity to sing at the concert hall for international choir. The tickets are not that cheap but this is a special moment. At first she was delighted to come. Told everyone she knew. Her oldest friend asked to come too. All good. until, that is, I told them the cost of the tickets. Then OMG it all kicked off...Why dont they have concession? Are they trying to raise funds? Is it for charity? And so it went on. Now DM says she isnt coming nor is her friend. I am annoyed because its a one off event. I would have offered to pay but will all that has been said and done I'm not feeling charitable (not that I can afford it either tbh. SO now my DM wants to give a donation... and it's not that kind of event. Donation v ticket....I really dont understand her logic.

**In the past she has complained that she doesn't go to many of her grandaughters events etc.

AIBU to be angry?

Every year I try to think of ways to get out of going to my DS's school concerts (but cave into pressure from DH).
Luckily, my DGS lives abroad so I don't have to make an excuse in his case.
I loathe musicals/concerts but if I'd agreed to go for my DIL, I would force myself and pretend to enjoy it. It's not that hard really as I pretend to enjoy it every bloody year!
I think your DM is being unkind to agree initially and then let you down.

It's 20 for the ticket and I did say how much it was in the beginning.

Said the OP...

I don´t think I would get angry about it. Mildly annoyed, certainly, but otherwise I´d just say "Ok" and leave it at that.

I don’t think it’s comparable to being in a Nativity. These choir events are springing up everywhere now and they are a money making venture. If that’s what it is of course.

All good. until, that is, I told them the cost of the tickets.
This is what is said in the OP original post. So it is the cost that is an issue.

If I went to one of these as a parent, of course I would pay the £20, but I would resent paying that much.

Your Mothers going to have a history of this kind of behaviour isn't she?!

Honestly I know it's hard I've been there with both of my parents and it took me years to relize that the way they behaved was nothing to do with me,it was all about them so try not to let this ruin what will be an amazing experience for your family and if your Mother trys the I don't get invited to anything infront of other people and your there tell them she did get invited and to something amazing but changed her mind at the last minute!

Good Luck to your DD I hope she has an amazing time.

Give her a ticket as an early Christmas present, and maybe a meal before/after.

I wouldn't pay that to go and see a concert I didnt want to see. Let's be honest, she only wants to see the little bit your dd is doing. School concerts are, for the majority of the time, to be tolerated whilst waiting for the little bit your dc is in. One thing when it's a couple of quid, but another altogether when they are charging £20 for it.

Stop dancing.
By that, I mean stop dancing along with your mums dance of “I want to go when I am not invited, now I am invited I don’t want to pay that much, so I will now waltz around with you arguing over how much I do/don’t actually want to”.
She is an adult, as are you. You’ve told her the price and she has said no. That’s it. Buy your ticket, enjoy your show. Leave her to not come and let her say as she pleases to her friends etc. IF she moans in future, just remind her she chose not to come.
Be polite but stop getting drawn into a drama.

I must live in a parallel universe.
When our kids were small, and seemed to do some type of concert most terms,if we invited anyone to suffer with us,we automatically paid.Wouldn't have dreamt of asking for money.
Same now when DGC's perform DD and DS automatically buy the tickets.Mind you we do tend to 'give back' in one way or another ie.meal out/takeaway later or just small gift for DGC's for being brilliant as all kids are