AIBU to be annoyed by step-MIL's "first grandchild" comment

[thiskittenbarks]

Now I know no one should get annoyed about Facebook stuff. My DHs step brother and his gf just got their first dog. DHs step mum posted a photo of said dog on Facebook saying “my first grandchild ❤️”. She’s not remotely tongue and cheek person so I know it wasn’t meant like that, she is also very much a dog person and would genuinely consider a dog a “child”. She’s been his step mum for nearly 30 years so she’s not exactly a new addition to the family and we are all close.
Not to mention the fact me and DH have previously had a dog - we also have a baby who she has always referred to (at least in front of us) as her grandchild.
I understand that she will probably feel more strongly about her biological grandchildren if / when they arrive but... a dog? And on a forum where she knew we would see it?
Are me and DH BU to annoyed about this?

Maybe there's some latent sadness from SMIL's side. I know she's been in the family for 30 years as you've said so but perhaps your husband was young when she joined the family and she was prevented from taking a motherly role? If your husband was young then he might be unaware of it.

I just think that step-parents generally WANT to be in their step-children's lives and they wouldn't put something like this on such a platform if a) they had any sense and b) there wasn't some soreness there.

Perhaps there's nothing and perhaps it was a 'joke' but I would think there's more to it, particularly as she's married to the grandfather in all of this.

There are some daft comments on here; the term 'grandmother' is a description of the familial relationship, not an indictment of how good or poor it is.

I would do a little digging OP... if this bothers you then be certain that there isn't something festering in the background that is nothing to do with your husband or you but possibly his own parents (mother).

Think I’d have to comment “Gee thanks for telling the world how little x means to you”

I wouldn't post any of these retaliatory comments on FB. Why would anybody do that? It just creates drama and resentment. If a family member posts something that you don't like, why would you not take it up with them directly given that they're family? Why do so many love to play out their lives on FB?

What a twat. Your poor DH

I'd also be really annoyed.
However, I suspect that when she wrote it she didn't have your family in her mind at all and was basically making a jokey/passive-aggressive remark in her mind only addressed at her son & dil - kind of 'you don't have a baby yet, so I'll call this dog my (first) grandchild from you then'. She was looking at their picture and thinking just about their family.

Does your DH refer to her as mum?

But your child isn't her grandchild. You might like to think of it that way, but it's not the case. She's just forgotten to pretend for a bit.

I don’t normally engage with FB but would find it very hard not to post something in response to that, eg “what about your step grandchild?”

Then again it’s DH’s stepmother so his call. If he’s been treated badly differently in the past by her this is just further confirmation of it and perhaps suggests it’s best to limit time/contact with her.

@Namow yeah okay fine but neither is a bloody dog

Perhaps her son and his wife have jokingly referred to the dog as their baby and she's continuing the joke? Or perhaps not...but either way, she does not believe the dog is actually her grandchild, biologically or otherwise so you ought to stop getting so hung up on it.