AIBU to be annoyed by step-MIL's "first grandchild" comment

[thiskittenbarks]

Now I know no one should get annoyed about Facebook stuff. My DHs step brother and his gf just got their first dog. DHs step mum posted a photo of said dog on Facebook saying “my first grandchild ❤️”. She’s not remotely tongue and cheek person so I know it wasn’t meant like that, she is also very much a dog person and would genuinely consider a dog a “child”. She’s been his step mum for nearly 30 years so she’s not exactly a new addition to the family and we are all close.
Not to mention the fact me and DH have previously had a dog - we also have a baby who she has always referred to (at least in front of us) as her grandchild.
I understand that she will probably feel more strongly about her biological grandchildren if / when they arrive but... a dog? And on a forum where she knew we would see it?
Are me and DH BU to annoyed about this?

It's insensitive but her actions otherwise are more important. You've said you're all close. Does she behave as a grandma to your child? That's the important thing.

If my DC's step-grandparents said anything like this I'd be furious and hurt. It's not 'just a joke.' It's not the comparison to a dog, it's the 'first' aspect.

At best its thoughtless / tactless
At worst it is intended as a slight

You are in the best position to work out which it is

I wouldn't waste any energy worrying about the comments of someone who can't tell a baby apart from a dog.

I'd laugh at that

I'd just assume that she meant it was her first grandchild from them & that it was a hint that she'd like them to give her human grandchildren. I really wouldn't go overthinking it.

I think Yabu. It is a joke- how could a dog being called a grandchild be anything but a joke . The first aspect is a bit peculiar but she probably just meant first from her son. I wouldn't read anything more into it unless her actions suggest you should.

So OP - you have her first grandchild and a dog which are both overlooked in favour of furry mutt from her own ds?

I'd have to say something. In the future you can bet that your children and DH will take a HUUUUUUUUUUGE back seat to her 'own' family.

I think I'd make a jokey comment on the FB page. Compliment the pic of the dog and then something along the lines of "We know we need to teach DSGC to bark rather than speak"

Just place it in the "step mum is bonkers" box and firmly close the lid.

Don’t respond, however tempting. It’s sad for your DH but don’t sink to her level. I would be gently preparing your dc though by explaining about her being ‘step’ Granny as it could potentially be very hurtful when her ds has kids and yours become aware of how differently she feels.

YANBU. Her post reveals that at a fundamental level she does not consider your child to be a 'proper' grandchild.

Even if only unconsciously, she is waiting for one of her biological children to give her a 'real' one. Hence the joke about the dog.

I don't know what you can do about it though - seems more trouble than it's worth to make a fuss about it. I guess you'll just have to go on being amicable, although since you've been given this glimpse into her real feelings, the relationship may feel a bit hollow to you.

Maybe downgrade her in your head to a de facto 'great aunt' or 'friend of the family'. Maintaining low expectations and emotional distance is an excellent way to manage family members whom experience has taught you will always disappoint.

I'd just comment "ouch"
And let everyone work it out for themselves

Agree with donkeyskin and others. She has stated quite clearly that your child is not her grandchild and as you said she doesn't joke. You can't make her I think what she thinks.

Just relegate her in your expectations.

Sorry - that should say 'unthink what she thinks'..

Sounds like summat and nowt. Just a silliness post. There are a few people who think I have no sense of humour as well. Except those who get it. I'm content for those who don't to think I'm simply dull.

At least you know where you stand with her now. That's always useful.

I would not be happy with the step grandmother who was so inaccurate and bad at English that they dared to call themselves a grandmother!

I wouldn't take offence at this and we're in a similar set up with fil's second wife (not mil), her having gc the same age as our kids and her being naturally more affiliated with them.
Of course she's going to be more in tune and connected with the lives of her own children. It's not a slight on your family but an inevitable fondness of her own.
Don't stress it.

If she's the dog's grandmother, then she's just announced that she's a bitch

YANBU to feel miffed, it's an insensitive comment and hurtful that she's considering a family dog above human step family, but it's not really worth aggravating the situation by reacting to her. I agree with a PP about adjusting your expectations to avoid future disappointment.

Years back, there was a delightful family member who announced that her new biological grandchild just wasn't the same because they had a different mother due to second marriage. Her games of favouritism and cold shouldering various family members has left a lasting toxic toll on family relationships for decades

@pictish I totally understand what you are saying but her comment was about a dog - not any more “her own” than her human step-grandchild.

It´s the kind of random comment people post on Facebook without considering the feelings and thoughts of ever person who might possibly read it, i.e. much like just about other comment on Facebook. Just move on and forget about it. YABU to waste any emotion on it whatsoever.

Facebook is the pits .. block her.. see how she reacts ...

Sadly I think it's how she sees things. Your husband isn't her child so his children are not really her grandchildren - in her opinion. Whereas because the dog belongs to her 'real' child it is.

I can never understand stepmothers like that. My mum has 3 biological grandchildren but if anyone asks her she will say she's got 10. My half brother's eldest son will always be her first grandchild - and she definitely doesn't consider it the dog they had before the baby!

I’d happily bet our house on it not being intended as a joke

Of course it's a joke, because it's a DOG.