Wedding date drama....

[buntingandstarcharts]

Apologies if I’ve posted in the wrong place, wasn’t sure the best place to get advice on this.

I have two best friends, we are really close, lived together through uni and then for 6 years after that.

However, this situation has arisen and I’m stuck in between in an awkward position! It really is first world problems, but would appreciate people’s opinions on who is ‘right’ here.

Best friend 1 (who is less flush and who has saved for years for a flat/wedding) got engaged last year. She booked her wedding for the end of August 2018.

Best friend 2 (who earns a lot, and has a huge amount of savings from bonus’ to buy houses/holidays etc) got engaged 3 weeks ago. She has booked her wedding for two weeks before BF1 at a much fancier venue.

Both want it during school holidays.

BF1 is upset and hurt. She has a limited number of guests due to cost and feels that BF2 will have a fancy wedding and will invite as many of our friends as she wants. BF1 thinks the weddings will be compared and that BF2 should have considered her feelings more.

So who is ‘right’?

BF 1 for thinking that BF 2 should have waited until after her own wedding to have hers? Or at least asked whether she minded. Or had it at the beginning of summer hols?

BF2 for thinking that she shouldn’t have to answer to anyone about when she should have her wedding/it isn’t a big deal/people won’t compare and if she wants school holiday wedding then that’s when it has to be. Her venue is only available on the date that’s 2 weeks before BF2.

It doesn’t really matter does it? If I were you I’d just say that to them - point out it’s about the commitment not the party and people’s opinion of it.

Dh friend got married one month before us. It was amazing and cost about 4 times the cost of ours! Marquee, huge fresh flower displays, beautiful grounds, bride's dress a grecian ultra designer frock, she was tall willowy stunning, i was short size 14 / 16

We shared some guests.... and I loved both days. I got very drunk and loved their wedding, it was a laugh and a fantastic opulent day. My wedding day was my wedding day, I loved every cheaper moment and wouldn't have noticed if the world was coming to an end and the previoys wedding never entered my head!

Absolutely whineslot! I thought I'd be grown up about it until I was in the same situation. Its easy to say don't care about it but it is a major life event,me and my h2be are so excited and we both felt a little upset when we found out a close friend was getting married before us. It's ok to be upset!

I think it's tactless of bf2

BF1 is being unreasonable. The only legitimate concern she has is that friends won't be able to take the time/make the trip for both weddings being so close together, and that they might pick BF2s as more exciting. But even that is what it is ... the world doesn't revolve around an individual's wedding day.

BF2 has been hugely inconsiderate to both BF1 and to all those who'll be invited to both weddings.

If it annoys BF1 so much she can push her wedding back a year. It's a bit much "look at me" to lay claim on a whole summer just because you are getting married on 1 day. Nobody really cares.

Don't get involved, not even if you are BF2.

As a guest I also would be annoyed at bf2. Having to fit holidays round 2 weddings and the expenses of having 2 so close together would put me off and if I could only manage one I would pick the one which was planned first even if it was less convenient for me.

Its not harsh though. As lidoshuffle pointed out, you tend to go through a phase in your life when lots of your friends (+ possibly siblings, cousins, etc) are at that stage in their lives when people get married. No-one 'compares weddings' because they've been invited to 2 close together. Oh, and there is no correlation between cost of wedding how how enjoyable they are.

I don't understand why BF1 is being accused of being self-centred when it's BF2 who booked a wedding two weeks before a close friend's because it was apparently the only date the venue she simply had to have had free

I'd be miffed too, to be honest. Mindful that some friends would have two hen dos to she'll out for, and feel that people would compare, to some degree. BF2 will probably be on her honey moon and miss BF1 special day. BF2 has been a bit tactless and selfish.

Both friends have found true love and are celebrating the start of a marriage

Money or lavish surroundings at the wedding venue will not change the happy ness of the marriage

I kind of think BF1 is probably also upset because BF2 has now ruled herself out of being her bridesmaid? Brides also enjoy being the centre of attention on their wedding day and during the build up and she won’t get that now. Her wedding will feel like an afterthought after BF2’s more glamorous wedding.

Will friends go to the hen events for both weddings? Or will they be able to afford only one?

Obviously BF2 has the right to book the wedding whenever she wants to, and yes BF1 is being melodramatic about it, but I understand why she’s feeling miffed.

Best for you to avoid getting involved as far as possible, OP.

Dozens if not hundreds of other people will get married on the same day. Why is this even an issue?

Playground emotions. I hope fiance knows what he is getting into....

Yes it is unreasonable...

I booked my wedding at the end of a month ... shortly afterwards my friend booked hers two weeks before mine.

At the time, I did feel a bit miffed and disappointed. But ultimately-I got over it quickly. You cannot dictate when someone else can/can't get married.

We both had a lovely day at each of our weddings, and our guests who went to both were just excited to see two of their close friends getting married. On the day it didn't matter to me I the slightest that she got married before me as it's not about "who's wedding is better" it was all about me getting to marry my very special man

Exactly drop and theirs is even closer than yours. 2 weeks is nothing. People are having difficulty empathising although the last few posts have been a bit better.

Bf1 is BU. Honestly, a wedding isn’t a competition.

We booked our wedding and within 3 months my sister booked hers for 5 weeks before ours, and DH’s brother booked his for 3 weeks after ours.

3 totally different weddings and most of the guests lists overlapped on each side of the family respectively.

We spent the least on ours but it was personal to us. DH’a brother’s was a copy of ours in many ways, but at the very least we looked happy on ours - they could barely raise a smile and were divorced 2 years later.

My DSis has a much more fancy wedding than ours. She was happy, I had a lovely time. That’s all that matters.

BF1 needs a shake and to remember what the point of the wedding is.

We went to two close friends weddings this summer who had the same circle of friends as guests.

One was big and lavish, one was smaller and lovely.

Thoroughly enjoyed both even though they were different. They had their own individual personalities stamped all over them.

Although I can understand where BF1 is coming from, there’s not much she can do about it (unless she changes her date)

Can I also say that some of the best weddings I have been to have been the less ‘fancier’ ones. It really isn’t about how much money is ploughed into the wedding, it’s about making the most of what you’ve got.