AIBU to say something or should I let it go?

[FilthyforFirth]

Fully prepared to be told I am being ridiculous or petty, but everytime I read a hen do thread (which I lovs - so entertaining) I am reminded of my own severly shit one and it makes me so sad.

I have never said anything to my bridesmaids about it, but wondering if I should to try and move on? To be perfectly honest I am dreading them getting married and having to either be a BM for them or attend a really fun hen do. I know, I sound very bitter...

So it was in early 2016. When I got engaged I told my MOH a few ideas. I basically said I didnt like all the tacky stuff (think no penis straws or nightclub with sticky carpet) and they seem to have assumed this meant I didnt want it to be fun.

I am a drinker so was definitely looking forward to getting drunk. What happened was my MOH, who is lovely, arranged for several activities to happen on the Saturday and allowed peopld to pick and chose which bits they attended. So all day I had people coming in and out, which made me feel a bit shit to be honest.

We marched from one activity to the next, often getting lost. There was minimal alcohol which really upset me and the evening ended with seeing a west end show I wanted to see and then going home.

WTF? At 1030 my hen do was over. 3 of the BM came back to my house with the promise of drinking there but I honestly didnt see the point. We chatted for a bit and then went to bed and I basically cried myself to sleep.

The next day was Mothers day so turnout was very low as you'd expect and the ones who were there just desperately wanted to get that activity over with so they could go.

That was my hen do. I didnt want to make people pay to go abroad, even though I really wanted to, and I kept it local to everyone to try and keep costs down.

Thw two things I said I really wanted to do, we didnt (afternoon tea on the Sunday so older relatives could attend and to drink and dance in a bar).

AIBU to say something now? I just feel so sad and pissed off I will never have another one...

You have a few choices:
A) Let it eat you up with bitterness for the rest of your days.
B) Tell your friends how upset you were and look at their bemused faces.
C) Get over yourself.

What’s the big deal with hen dos anyway?

I see where you're coming from, if I was home at 10:30 on my hen do I'd be gutted. It's meant to be the best night out ever!

I wouldn't assume that just because you didn't want penis paraphernalia it meant you wanted a sober evening at the theatre and an early night. Sounds boring and surely your MOH knew you well enough to know you like a drink?

Nothing can be done now, but I'm sorry it was rubbish

The thing is, after the theatre you could have said "Now, who wants to go clubbing???" and then it might have happened. And people coming and going all day means that you prob had lots of opportunities to see/talk to everyone.

I'm sorry you're so disappointed.

Maybe for your 5 yr anniversary (maybe not on the actual day) you could arrange the night out you'd love and invite your girls to it; call it a 'renunion' and have the night you always wanted?

But giving them a hard time now.... Sorry, but I think that ship has sailed. I'm sorry it wasn't what you wanted though.

I understand it can be hard to get over a feeling of disappointment like this. Something that you have looked forward to and should be a once in a life time event didn’t go as you always imagined it. You can’t change it now and it would be sad and unfair for you to let it affect your friends’ hen celebrations. I would write down all the things that did go well and remind yourself that lots of your friends came together to celebrate you. Then I would plan my next big birthday myself and secretly have it as a do over of my hen night. The trouble with surprises is that it can so easily go awry if you have very specific ideas of your own. My solution - if it matters to me I plan it myself.

The trouble with having expectations is that you’re likely going to disappointed.

Organising parties isn’t everybody’s strong point.
And if there were two specific things you really wanted, you need to have been very clear about it. Or organise that bit yof the day ourself.

I never quite get these situations. If your heart is set on something specific for your birthday/hen do/Christmas etc and you know you’d be upset if it doesn’t happen, why sit back and be disappointed when they don’t organise it as you would have wanted?

I am a drinker so was definitely looking forward to getting drunk

Grow. The. Fuck. Up.

I don't get this 'hen do' obsession anyway, but honestly, your MOH and bridesmaids organised a night they thought you'd like.

They took you to a show you wanted to see.

You just didn't get to get drunk.

I like a drink too and am really partial to nice real ale. But I don't get drunk and I would rethink a friendship where I was criticised for a night out I'd organised on the basis that someone was pissed off they didn't get hammered and wake up with a hangover the following day.

What good would come of saying something? Sounds like they put in a lot of work (and money- what were the other activities?) to plan a day of activities. If it felt disjointed I'm sure that's not something they planned or happening. If you say something now you'll upset them and appear really petty and ungrateful all this time later.

There was minimal alcohol which really upset me...

...and I basically cried myself to sleep.

Christ. You sound like really hard work.

Get a fucking grip, would be my advice.

What good would come of saying something? Sounds like they put in a lot of work (and money- what were the other activities?) to plan a day of activities. If it felt disjointed I'm sure that's not something they planned or happening. If you say something now you'll upset them and appear really petty and ungrateful all this time later.

Just arrange a nice afternoon tea with your older relatives and go out and get drunk. Then you've do it and forget about it. Why couldn't you arrange your own afternoon tea? The MOH arranged loads for you and your moaning about it. Totally spoilt and ungrateful. So it didn't go exactly how you wanted it to, don't worry you'll be having another one soon as your marriage doesn't stand a chance with expectations like those.

There was minimal alcohol which really upset me...
Why does this statement make me feel that the OP is the sort of person who thinks going sober for october and dry january are actual challenges worthy of sponsorship?

Really don't understand why you're so upset over not getting drunk.

Lesson for the future - organise your own stuff. I did for my own hen nights so l knew all ages were included somewhers.

OP, you really need to let this go now.

To the PP who said your hen night is meant to be the best night of your life..... what now????

Some people don't have hens, heck some people don't even get married. How the feck do you come to the conclusion it's meant to be the "best night" of your life? I think it's expectations like this that leave people feeling very disappointed.

Sorry 'best night out ever' (not best night of your life)

My points still stand though.

I would love to see a thread started by your MoH started 5 minutes after you got this off your chest to her

Bloody hell.

Talk about cutting your nose off to spite your face. OK, so you're dull enough to just want to get pissed - but too childish to get the drinks out (or go out again...) when you have three people staying all night on your hen night.

Understandable to feel a slight disappointment that it wasn't exactly what you wanted.
Childish to not do something about it.
Crazy to cry yourself to sleep.
Absolutely laughingly pathetic to consider bringing up your criticism 2 years later.

Princess, much?!

Could you give us an idea of your friends' hen dos, so we can compare?

If they didn't make an effort you than you shouldn't feel obliged to do the same for them.

Have hou arranged a hen do?

Let it go. Saying anything now will not change your hen do. It will only piss off your MOH. It’s a shame to destroy a friendship, even if she did organise a poor hen do for you.

As for any future hen do, you can either fake being sick or you can take the bull by the horns, organise the best hen do ever and slyly add “this is how I would have loved my hen do to have been”

Sometimes it’s best just to put your past behind you.

Sooo entitled ffs.get a grip.not everyone gets a hen do.not everyone gets married.youve had more than a lot of people ..me included,have had..if that's all you have to worry about ,your doing just fine.

I think you'd have seemed rather ungrateful if you'd brought it up soon after the event. Bring it up now, and you'll seem weird and obsessed.

I'm v sorry, but you are being absolutely horrid!

People tried hard to organise something they thought you would like. You made no effort to tweak it where you could e.g. Suggesting going out after the show. You passively waited for your every wish to be granted and are now whining that some were not and you've borne a grudge about it for 2 whole years. How horribly ungrateful.

Gosh you sound horrible. And hard work. And I wouldn't spend any more time 'dreading' their weddings or hen dos. With any luck you won't be invited.

Let it go. I also don't get the whole hen do thing. If you want something done your way, organise it yourself. Not just you, OP - anyone who moans about other people's organisation.
How about organising a "married women's do"???

I bet the three friends who came back with you and witnessed your sulk wished they had made their excuses and left in a taxi after the theatre.

Really not normal to cry yourself to sleep because you didn't have a night out exactly how you fantasised.

What the fuck would you even say about it now that wouldn't make you look like a spoilt nightmare?

You sound a bit ungrateful to be honest. You wanted to watch a west end show which isn’t cheap and people came. You wanted two days of festivities which you got. You wanted one of them to be Mother’s Day which is beyond unreasonable and you got that too. Your hens offered to drink more with you and you said no.

Tbh it sounds like you did actually want the penis straw sticky nightclub hen night