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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Buggy, wheelchair and shopping trolleys on bus - WIBU

69 replies

shatteredmama · 10/11/2017 15:01

I know this gets done to death, but I want to know if I've just been an arse.

Got on bus with toddler in buggy, lots of older people got on too, lots with those sholly shopping bags on wheels, all fine, there was room for a few of them with their shollys in one bay and room for me and toddler in the other one. All good.

Next stop a woman in a wheelchair got on. I knew she had priority over me and was happy to move, bus was packed so it was looking like I would need to collapse buggy, again, no problem with this, however noticed a man had his sholly taking up a whole seat where my toddler in buggy could be put.

I asked him if he'd mind if I lifted his sholly and put it in the luggage rack so my toddler in buggy could have it's place. Cue lots of gasps and muttering from everyone on the bus and the man barking at me that he wouldn't let me do that and that he was disabled and wouldn't move. I'm sure I'd made it clear that I only wanted to move his luggage, not him!

Ended up collapsing buggy, driver helped me put it in luggage rack and I sat at the back of bus with toddler on my knee.

I thought priority for using the bays went to disabled first, buggys next, luggage last, WIBU?

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 10/11/2017 16:02

OP, I don't think you were unreasonable to ask but I imagine he was concerned about getting it out again

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/11/2017 16:05

Where does a disabled man with a sholly fit in?

He gets to remain in his lovely seat while OP lifts his sholly up to the rack then down to him when she gets off the bus. Affecting him in no way whatsoever. Now he might feel anxious to be without his aid, that's true. But simple communication can solve that. "I will make sure I get it back to you when I get off the bus. Or should I let the driver know?"

brasty · 10/11/2017 16:10

I missed that the man was sitting down, I thought he was standing.

Original poster

shatteredmama · 10/11/2017 16:11

Thanks for your replies, good to get other thoughts on this.

Just to clarify, it definitely wasn't a mobility aid, and of course, had he been getting off the bus before me, I would have lifted it down for him.

runningoutofcharge

It is both stressful and a huge inconvenience to collapse a buggy a TODDLER was in as it meant getting her out, my shopping underneath it out, and making sure she didn't run off or fall while I collapsed the buggy and lifted it up to the luggage rack. It would have been much easier for me to just lift his luggage instead.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 10/11/2017 16:12

How do you know it wasn’t a mobility aid?

KanyeWesticle · 10/11/2017 16:15

If you had explained it was only his bag, and promised you'd get it down when either he or you needed to get off... HWBU

AshleySilver · 10/11/2017 16:20

Even though it was just a shopping trolley, the man may have been using it as a mobility aid. My mil does that.

Dancingfairy · 10/11/2017 16:36

Yabu IMO you got a seat so whats the issue?

my2bundles · 10/11/2017 16:50

I never understand this. The man was obviously saying he has a disability, the trolley was his walking aid. Just a generation ago it was expected to fold the buggy before getting on a bus. I did this countless times with my oldest. Fold buggy, hold toddler under one arm, lift buggy and bags onto bus wth the other. Yes it's an inconvieniences but not impossible as some seem to suggest. People with disabilitys faught long and hard for equal access on public transport, it disgusts me that entitled mothers now seek to take this from them. Many disabilitys are for life, battling every single day for life for a spot on the bus which is rightfully theirs and campaigned for. A child is a baby/toddler for a very short time. I'm certain you can face the inconvienient of folding compared to what they live with.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/11/2017 17:05

but not impossible as some seem to suggest well I have two o2 cylinders (one attached to toddler) a feed bag (possibly attached to toddler via his PEG) as well as the usual encumbrance associated with being out with a toddler so call me pathetic but yes, or is impossible for me.

Not to mention someone with their own medical issues, 3 kids under 2 etc whilst everone looks the other way.

If he was sat down with good2 goodgood2 beside him, wasnt using it as a mobility aid

SleepingStandingUp · 10/11/2017 17:05

If he was sat down with it beside him, hewasnt using it as a mobility aid

Sirzy · 10/11/2017 17:07

But then the pram is basically a wheelchair so not comparable to the vast majority of prams

Spangles1963 · 10/11/2017 17:18

my2bundles - I couldn't have worded it better myself. I get totally pissed off several times a week because of the entitled way that a significant minority of parents with buggies behave on my local bus route. Quite frankly,the attitude of some of them is disgusting. It's a 'I was on the bus first,so tough'. Yes,and disabled people fought long and hard for the right to have accessible public transport,to make THEIR lives easier,not for some over-entitled madam who thinks that by virtue of having a child,their rights trump everyone else's.

my2bundles · 10/11/2017 17:26

Sleeping. That's completely different, your child has a disability so is entitled to the space, I used them for my own disabled child in a disability buggy. You carnt compare that to the majority of toddlers n buggy so. My other child no disabity so had to vacate the buggy which was folded, not impossible by a long shot.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/11/2017 17:38

He has no mobity disability though so it isn't used in the same way. He just has too much paraphernalia for me to carry . I always move for a wheelchair user but I'm also always asked to by the driver if I don't see - they wouldn't let me stay on over someone in a wheelchair which is fine. But then other people think their luggage takes priority. Got on today and we had to squeeze two buggies in one side so blocking the aisle because the person into tube fold down seats couldbt possibly stow her luggage

Sirzy · 10/11/2017 17:52

It doesn’t matter if it’s a mobility disability though, it is a disability which means he can’t travel in the same way as others can. His pram is used to help his disability. Presumably it will need to continue to be used long past the age of 3 or 4 when most would stop?

Parker231 · 10/11/2017 18:04

Excluding the situation outlined by SleepingStandingUp, people should be more realistic when buying a buggy. If you are going be using a bus regularly, do you have a buggy which can easily be collapsed. I’ve seen so many people get on the bus with huge buggies, which take up loads of space and almost impossible to collapse on the bus. Yesterday the bus driver asked the mum and her buggy to get off so a wheelchair user could get on. Her comments are not repeatable but basically lots of moans about why she should get off and why couldn’t the wheelchair user wait for another bus!

SleepingStandingUp · 10/11/2017 18:04

Honestly I have no idea what happens when he out grows it, he's average to tall for his age of 2.5 so no idea what I'll do in a year in all honesty. Get judged no doubt

Sirzy · 10/11/2017 18:13

Let people judge!

Ds uses a SN buggy/wheelchair and does have mobility problems which mean he couldn’t leave the seat safely on public transport but I would never expect someone who is obviously using the pram for medical reasons to get off for us, if we could share the space fantastic but otherwise we would wait as need is at least equal.

I also think if more parents where considerate with their prams it would make it much easier for parents like you as you wouldn’t be (wrongly) seen as another awkward parent.

kali110 · 10/11/2017 18:15

How do you know its not a mobility aid?? People do use them to walk with/lean on etc they dont have to be a trolley with a seat to be a mobility aid.

HadronCollider · 10/11/2017 18:22

I'm at your sense of entitlement to be honest. And could you guarantee you could help him get his sholly back unless you knew for certain he was getting off before you?

YABvvU!!

ZoopDragon · 10/11/2017 19:19

I expect it was a wheeled walker rather than a trolley. He might have felt anxious having it away from him if he needed it to stand up with.

JonSnowsWife · 10/11/2017 19:28

Cue lots of gasps and muttering from everyone on the bus and the man barking at me that he wouldn't let me do that and that he was disabled and wouldn't move. I'm sure I'd made it clear that I only wanted to move his luggage, not him!

What kind of shopping trolley? DM is disabled and used a shopping trolley for years before I successfully nagged her into getting a proper walking frame thing (this has a shopping bag attached to it) as it was much more safer for her to move around with.

So basically, it might not have been 'just his luggage' it might have been something he actively relied on like my DM did. So he may have been telling the truth.

JonSnowsWife · 10/11/2017 19:31

It is both stressful and a huge inconvenience to collapse a buggy a TODDLER was in as it meant getting her out, my shopping underneath it out,

Yet you think it's acceptable to take someone's mobility aid away from them?...

Original poster

shatteredmama · 10/11/2017 20:12

Ah, I see the bitter and miserable keyboard warriors have come out.

Given it was me who was on the bus and not any of you, I can confirm with certainty that it was not a mobility aid, and that I most certainly did not harass a disabled person and try to remove his walking aid, get a grip. I used common sense and asked if he was agreeable with me stowing his LUGGAGE, and that's precisely what it was, a bag with wheels! so that a person could use the area he was hogging, and he would still of course of had his seat.

I am not entitled, I deserve to use the bus like everyone else and was happy to move for the wheelchair user and collapsed the buggy quickly and under my own accord. Clearly that's not enough for some.

Take your delightful rants about rude, entitled mums elsewhere, those examples are certainly not reflective of my behaviour or attitude.

It often feels like some groups of society would like to be the only ones permitted to take the bus, the amount of times I've been glared at and been barged in front of (travelling with or without a buggy) is unbelievable. Makes you wonder just who the 'entitled' people are.

OP posts:

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