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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be in tears?

48 replies

Sienna333 · 09/11/2017 19:01

I think I already know I am being U but do you ever look around and it seems
like everyone is so happy and loved? I think today has just been overload o happy people. My lovely colleague texting me a photo of her gorgeous baby boy and she is just brimming over with happiness and then going to my friends house and hearing the way her DH talks to her (Really loving and he is always buying her flowers on a weekly basis and does his half of the chores and childcare, not to mention they are stinking rich, have great friends, a good social life and fantastic, high paying flexible jobs.) I am glad they are so blessed and happy but it hurts today comparing myself and the fact I am single, in a low paying job, lots of family strife and recently getting over a 3 week horrible illness. It just hurts at times and I really do think some peoples lives are very fortunate and lucky as in blessed. I know I am better off than a lot of people but today I am just feeling crap and wishing I could have their lives.

OP posts:

Pengggwn · 09/11/2017 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Sienna333 · 09/11/2017 19:10

I highly doubt anyone would be jealous of me except the fact that I am slim and even that doesn't come easy at all. Nobody would be jealous of my family scenario, my looks, my job or lack of partner/trustworthy friends.

I just feel horrendously sad tonight and wish I could have that same level of love and happiness that they all do.

OP posts:

MilsCookie · 09/11/2017 19:13

Not everyone’s lives are as they may appear - especially on social media!!

Pengggwn · 09/11/2017 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hoplittlerabbit · 09/11/2017 19:15

Sienna every fucking day
I feel exactly the same.
I feel a total failure at times, at life, at work, at motherhood.

However my friend who has the seemingly perfect life - handsome rich husband, 2 gorgeous kids, big house, she’s beautiful and thin - said she envied me!!! Why I couldn’t quite understand except realise no one’s life is perfect and to someone else you are perfect xxx

LemonysSnicket · 09/11/2017 19:16

I cry all the time x
I'm unemployed after my MA and all of my friends are doing well...the barrage of daily rejection emails doesn't help.
Sometimes we need a good cry YANBU

bingbongnoise · 09/11/2017 19:22

Ditto to what the OP said about nobody's life being as perfect as it seems Sienna....... Many people give an edited version of their life on social media and in public in general.

DH works with a woman who moved into a £200K newbuild 3 years ago, and had her longed-for baby in 2015, and got married shortly after having the baby.

It emerges the other week that she and her DH are £30K in debt (partly because of his gambling addiction,) their son has recently been diagnosed as autistic, and her DH has been having an affair with a neighbour.

So her life is shit right now, and has been for about half a year. Yet right up 2 weeks ago, she was posting happy, jolly, 'luv my fam and hubby' bollux on fakebook.

Fings ain't always what they seem my dear.

Hope you feel better soon.

bingbongnoise · 09/11/2017 19:22

Sorry, I mean ditto to what a previous poster said...........

Original poster

Sienna333 · 09/11/2017 19:28

You are all really kind x
You wouldn't be jealous of my face Pen but that is lovely of you to say.

I am sorry some of you feel the same, it isn't even social media making me feel this way. It is seeing the way my friends DH adores her, how he calls her 'darling' and all the other points I mentioned in first post. It's hard to see people live such loving, successful and contented lives. I would give anything to have that.

OP posts:

wheresmymojo · 09/11/2017 19:29

I know how you feel, I used to feel the same way.

Try to remember though that this is just at this particular point in their lives - the people you're jealous of might have gone through all sorts of tough times before or might have those tough times yet to come.

I would look happy and loved at the moment - getting married to a lovely DP in 3 weeks and buying our first house.

Three years ago I had just come out of a psychiatric hospital after a breakdown where I cry much wanted to kill myself, had been single for years, felt very unloved, etc.

As my friends gran says "things can turn on a sixpence".

Original poster

Sienna333 · 09/11/2017 19:38

Thank you for not judging me and for the kind words x

OP posts:

redexpat · 09/11/2017 19:41

I've stopped comparing myself to others. I read how to do everything and be happy by peter jones and now I set my own markers of happiness. So I am happy because I have a good family life (which I have quantified by 2 outings a month) and I participate in 5 cultural events a year.

Mamabear4180 · 09/11/2017 19:42

Hey op

Hope you feel better soon.

lasttimeround · 09/11/2017 19:43

If there's no one to comfort you just now. Comfort yourself. It hurts to be lonely or sad or feel lost. But who you are and what you are worth is indelible. All that outside stuff doesn't count. Life changes. There's good bits, there's unbelievably hard bits. Love and comfort yourself. Do something good to comfort someone else. Time changes things and you might again be the lucky one. But you'll then havd had the chance to learn compassion for yourself and others.

Acopyofacopy · 09/11/2017 19:43

All you can see is the outside, OP. On the inside and behind closed doors things usually look very different.

It takes a lot of work on yourself, but if you can learn to be happy with what you have, people will be jealous of you no matter how big your house is.

Original poster

Sienna333 · 09/11/2017 19:46

That's the thing and that is what makes me cry. I am ALWAYS looking after everyone else and showing love and kindness but it seems I am always shat on and never loved like othes are, almost like I am just not enough.
I really appreciate the non judgement and kindness, thank you.

OP posts:

SharkSkinThing · 09/11/2017 19:49

You sound lovely Sienna.

Some days can be really horrible - some weeks, months, years even! It's OK to cry and feel like this, but try and be kinder on yourself.

As others have said, it's not always on the outside that's truthful.

Original poster

Sienna333 · 09/11/2017 19:53

Thank you, that means a lot. A good cry always helps but so has the kindness here x

OP posts:

bingbongnoise · 09/11/2017 19:55

Some people who know you may be jealous of you Sienna. Single, free, world at her feet. It's great being married with kids (sometimes!) but I bet every woman who is a mom envies her single friends ability to just sod off at the drop of a hat with no-one to consider but herself.

I am really sorry you are feeling blue, but please don't think all your coupled-up 'happy' friends are always happy happy happy. Coz I bet they aren't!

Me and DH have a decent marriage, but it has had hard times and knocks - and I have had times when I have wanted to walk (in the past,) but people who know us think we are the perfect couple; all luvvy duvvy and cosy, doing everything together, and never arguing.

HAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAA!!!!! We must be fookin' good actors!

Seriously, I love him, and we have some good times, but he makes me want to tear my hair out some days!!!

No-one will judge you - you silly billy!

TheCatsMother99 · 09/11/2017 19:56

I remember a few years ago getting really upset and kind of angry after seeing a couple kissing on an escalator on the London underground, it just didn't seem fair that they were happy and i was alone and miserable and having to witness that.

Fast forward to now - married with a kid on the way.

Point is, you don't know when things will change for you. One day you too will look back and almost laugh at how you felt.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/11/2017 20:01

You’ve been ill for 3 weeks. I’ve been ill for 10 years. If you have your health you have everything. Be kind to yourself. Do something, which gives you pleasure regardless if it’s a bubble bath, going for a run or buying a new pair of knickers. And count your blessings.

Original poster

Sienna333 · 09/11/2017 20:01

Thank you, honestly.

I just think people see me as a loser. I am not beautiful, not in a successful high paid job, no DH, no big house, no big holidays. It hurts seeing so much love and success in people's lives but today it was mainly the love. Seeing my friends DH and the way he talks to her and how happy they all are as a family. That's what I find the hardest. I know they no doubt have their downpoints but it is hard to see what on earth that could be. I hate feeling like this as it is immature but it does really hurt. Today has just been too much of seeing what I don't have and it's just been a tough day.

OP posts:

bingbongnoise · 09/11/2017 20:09

I'm gonna smack your bottom in a minute Sienna!

You ARE beautiful, you ARE smart, you ARE worthy of love and attention and happiness. You just haven't found the man who deserves you yet.

Many people with a 'big house' are shit loads in debt (not all but some,) and not all marriages are as happy as they seem (again, some are, but not all...)

How old are you btw? Sorry if you said already. Do you feel like this when you are not poorly? Do you think you may be depressed? You sound it sweetie.

(I'm not gonna smack your bottom by the way!) I just hate it when people are sad and they beat themselves up and blame themselves for how their life is.

(((HUGS)))

Original poster

Sienna333 · 09/11/2017 20:13

I am too embarrassed to say my age as I probably sound really immature but you did just make me giggle to myself with the smacking bum comment so thank you xx

OP posts:

Alison100199 · 09/11/2017 20:16

Hi OP. You aren't alone in feeling that way. I'm also single and struggling at the moment. Especially with Christmas coming up it does feel like everyone else is perfect. But other posters are right. We all have our shit to bear. You sound lovely. Xx

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