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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have a carer for depression

102 replies

mallardduckponds · 09/11/2017 15:56

Can you do this? Someone to help prompt showers and other self care, maybe go on a walk with you and so on?

OP posts:
lynmilne65 · 09/11/2017 17:03

yes what we have in Scotland

Lozmatoz · 09/11/2017 17:05

You’d probably find a per mentor or volunteer who could do this through a local support group

Lovemusic33 · 09/11/2017 17:06

I love my job, most days it involves taking client out for a coffee, chatting, sometimes listening to music and dancing Smile, I also cook and clean when they are having a bad day, sometimes it feels like I'm just visiting a friend and helping them out a bit. I am self employed but originally was going to work for an agency. It fits around my dc's as I work for 3 hours at a time. I'm sure there are people out there that would love the job.

Hauntedlobster · 09/11/2017 17:07

Look into local befriending schemes

user1497863568 · 09/11/2017 17:09

It’s an excellent idea!! Maybe I should do the same :)

MatildaTheCat · 09/11/2017 17:12

I agree you need someone with some experience and training in mental health for this role. If you need encouragement to perform basic self care and household tasks it’s difficult to hit the spot between giving in on days you don’t feel up to it at first or hectoring when you absolutely cant do said task.

If you found the right people it sounds a great idea. I say ‘people’ rather than ‘person’ because you don’t want to get too dependent on one individual to gain your independence, if that makes sense?

Good luck.

JetCityWoman · 09/11/2017 17:15

OP, this is a job I'd happily take on. I volunteer atm and my role is pretty much doing just that. Keeping a group of ladies occupied with chat doing things they don't normally do. They have a range of needs inc MH ones and this group I have has helped build confidence over the year I have been doing the work I do.

mallardduckponds · 09/11/2017 17:15

It makes total sense, and it also means they have a break from me! Smile

OP posts:
HildeburgBrown · 09/11/2017 17:17

Did you see this recently, about a 'people walker'? I know you want a bit more than just walks, but it's an idea...
www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/sep/14/los-angeles-people-walker-chuck-mccarthy

mummyhaschangedhername · 09/11/2017 17:17

That shouldn’t be an issue at all. I am sure most care agencies could adapt their care to that, but you could easily place an add to that too. Although they are not likely to be police checked. I would imagine that’s a nice little job for someone, just a few hours, especially those with kids, it could work really well.

mustbemad17 · 09/11/2017 17:19

I've not long left my job with a care agency & honestly if something like what you needed turned up i'd jump at it. It's not pathetic in anyway, everyone needs a boost & some company. Even more so when you are struggling. And i think you'll find that whatever avenue you approach, be that PA, care agency etc, you won't be the first person to just need that extra nudge x

kinkajoukid · 09/11/2017 17:20

It is a great idea and people with depression deserve help :) I've often wanted the same thing!

Don't rule out a volunteer - they will be doing it out of their want to help and definitely not for the money! And lots of people just love to clean as well?!! But paying doesn't mean you will get a money grabber by any means.

Getting the right person is the key - a carer should be someone who knows how and cares enough to help you get what you need rather than someone who just takes over and gets you to to do what they want or what they think you should do. So if they nudge you a little on a bad day, it is in a direction that you want to go in.

I would ask around with some local charities, Mind etc and also with carer's groups see if anyone is recommended.

Go for it!

neveradullmoment99 · 09/11/2017 17:21

We have this type of care in Scotland. It is the Richmond fellowship. They are carers for mental health. They come to your house and take you out etc. My brother used their services. He has chronic depression.

mimibunz · 09/11/2017 17:22

If you place an ad perhaps distinguish between a carer and a PA. A PA, personal assistant, is not a carer. PAs manage professional offices and executives in the business world.

neveradullmoment99 · 09/11/2017 17:22

www.trfs.org.uk/what_we_do

MouseandChops1 · 09/11/2017 17:22

Think it sounds like a great idea. You seem spurred on by the idea of it so go for it. Good luck Smile

mallardduckponds · 09/11/2017 17:25

Getting the right person is why I'm a bit reluctant to not have a volunteer ... if I just don't like them I'll feel so bad! Am emailing some care agencies!

OP posts:
neveradullmoment99 · 09/11/2017 17:25

Maybe you have something similar to the richmond fellowship where you are? Worth asking your GP

WoodYouBeHappy · 09/11/2017 17:25

Hey mallard Great thread. Though obviously not great having depression and all that entails... Sorry.

I think you have a brilliant idea there. I was looking for exactly this sort of person last year, as my lack of physical abilities with my auto-immune issues, plus isolation was increasing depression and anxiety. I had a range of family and friends around but everyone is SO busy these days & visits were sporadic. Like you I didn't really want to ask people to do specific things.

I started with a cleaner/helper (or 2) until I found the one I clicked with. A non-native English Speaker my age, spotted on a local Community website. I just wanted some help to sort the house out to begin with. I've now increased her hours to visiting 3 times a week and it's been brilliant, as she helps me out with all sorts of things. As she's paid (& I've become more comfortable asking her to do things) she's taken on more duties. Her English is coming on really well and my physical AND mental health has improved knowing I am not fighting these things alone. So, a win win here.

Like others have said, chase references. You are in a vulnerable position at home and you need to find the right person who you can trust, to fit in to your personal space. I did think about local Church communities, but that seemed a bit hypocritical. Turns out my helper is a committed church goer anyway so I've outsourced the praying to her too Grin

I wish you all the very best. Severe depression approaching our long winters (if you are) is not much fun. I have sacrificed other things to fund my help and company as it makes such a huge difference. Takes the pressure off those immediately around me too. Flowers

BambooWhoosh · 09/11/2017 17:29

I came across this website when I was looking for work previously. You need to sign up though.

papool.co.uk/

mallardduckponds · 09/11/2017 17:33

Thank you Smile

OP posts:
EllaEllaE · 09/11/2017 17:34

this sounds like a great idea. In the meantime, this site may help give you a prompt to do things like eat, take a shower, etc when you need it:

philome.la/jace_harr/you-feel-like-shit-an-interactive-self-care-guide/play

WoodYouBeHappy · 09/11/2017 17:43

Ooh Ella I liked that! Might revisit on tough days. Thank you Star

GirlInASwirl · 09/11/2017 17:45

Whilst you are finding something to suit you OP ....have you considered the CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse) team. They offer in-home care for those who need it. Referral is via GP. They may not be able to cover all the hours that you require but it would get you used to the idea of having a help in your own home. Good Luck

mallardduckponds · 09/11/2017 17:47

I'm probably not bad enough girl to be honest and I do that annoying depression thing where I refuse to help myself Sad

OP posts: