To be dreading Christmas

[sophkins]

I spend it on my own but this year thought it would be different. Anyone else?

Could you volunteer somewhere? Hospitals wer pretty grim at Christmas, a lot of old and infirm peope who woudl love some company

Our local fire brigade cooks for lonely older people and singletons, our Turkish Meze has a free for all who are alone.

Ther are places out there to go if you don't want to be alone.

To be honest, I love Christmas on my own. After my parents died, I got invited to Christmas Day by friends but I always had to drive. I much prefer to relax, do what I want, pig out when I want, and so on.

Of course, this is probably a result of family Christmases being a nightmare and usually ending up with at least one person in tears.

Is there anyone you can invite to share with you? Or have you thought about joining in with a group like Crisis at Christmas?

Volunteer. There are so many charities needing help with events over the Christmas period, even Christmas Day.

It's not just the day itself really although I understand why people think it is. Christmas Eve Christmas Day Boxing Day and the whole run up.

Could you go on a trip? A yoga retreat or to some country that doesn't celebrate christmas?

I can't afford it, to be honest. Sorry if I sound negative I've had a hard time lately.

I agree that look up for volunteers needed in your area, or just put the christmas music on , eat what you want to eat and watch the TV!
looking up a holiday is also a good idea- friends of my dh used to go to the caribbean , mexico etc over the festive holidays and said it was good fun.

x post, sorry just read your post above, sorry.

Possibly on my own, bit different though as if I am it's cos OH will be working.

In the past though I've spent it alone when single and spent about six hours volunteering at the Samaritans, then popped to see a friend for a couple hours.

Can't recommend volunteering on xmas day enough, they've been my best xmas days. So many people are in a similar position and really need a friend or support. Have a look round your area for organisations you can get involved with at this short notice. The phones were off the hook all day with people ringing just to check we were there if they needed us, to say thanks, who were devastated cos it was a hard xmas for them, or who were sadly considering killing themselves. The day was so much more meaningful and enjoyable than sitting around feeling sorry for myself.

I'm sure I'll find something meaningful to do but I still feel extremely sad. That's all really.

You could volunteer at an animal rescue centre over that period if you like animals.
Many of the regular volunteers like to have time off during the christmas period, not just christmas day.
The animals still need care over the festive period.
I know our local cat rescue centre are always short of staff over the christmas week.

OP do you have family or friends?

If you don't fancy the idea of volunteering, and can't afford a trip away, then I'd recommend thinking about some of these things.

Make sure you get out of the house each day, even if it's just for a walk. On Christmas Eve, I can highly recommend a trip to the local swimming pool. Most swimming pools are really quiet on Christmas Eve, so plenty of room! Then maybe treat yourself to a nice coffee or pub lunch.

Christmas Day is the hardest, as nowhere much is open, and most people are doing family things. I'd make sure that as well as a walk, you have a pile of nice things to do. For example some good books to read (these can be from the library if you're on a budget), and if you have any hobbies you can do at home, then maybe a new project to start. Get some nice food in (something you like yourself, it doesn't need to be "Christmassy"), and listen to whatever you like (radio or CD/download) or watch what you like on tv.

Boxing Day, aim to get out again, and maybe see if you have any friends who would like to come round in the evening. Lots of people are totally fed up with their families by the end of Boxing Day, and welcome a change of scene/company. If money's tight, suggest that everyone brings a drink and a plate of food, and you'll have an instant buffet.

when you say it's the whole period, is it the image of everyone with family having a good time?

Because that isn't terribly accurate. I am not saying all families are miserable but many are so I hope you aren't feeling bad on account of that hype.

I know it's not accurate but it's still hard. It's hard to explain how bad I feel and it's not just Christmas obviously but it brings things into focus.

What's making you feel sad? It sounds like it's the whole run up to Christmas that's hardest on you. Are you lonely, does this time of year and all the media and consumerism highlight this for you?

I feel like the thrust of your post is more to do with wanting to talk about being sad about being alone OP

Is there anyone you could invite to yours?

Personally i would find being alone at xmas really hard. It's ok to say so.

It is hard to be on your own, especially as most other people have company, and most places of work are closed, at least for a couple of days. It's very hard to pretend that it's just a "normal day", which you might be able to do on other Bank Holidays.

Thanks for saying that laiste, it is.

I understand the run up (so much planning and anticipation - when you're not looking forward to it)

That's really really hard. Can you work longer hours/try and keep busy. Do some extra part time work? Is there a local pub that might need a pair of hands and a few pound for you to treat yourself.

Sophkins, I’m sorry you’ve had a hard time recently. You sound so sad, and I send you a hug.
Christmas and the whole shebang surrounding it - the build up, as you say - can be very difficult because it sets up an image of perfection - of happiness , really - which in truth few of us can live up to.
It’s hard and makes being sad, or lonely, harder to deal with.

There have been a lot of posts giving good practical advice but I suspect you maybe need to share / explore your emotions a bit?

I hope this helps I’m sure you’ll get a lot of support here. Hugs.

OP you have my sympathies too.

I have spent several christmas days alone. But a couple of those I volunteered at the Salvation Army Christmas Dinner.

It was amazing.

Op i'm in the same boat and it is very hard. I find the run up harder than the day.

Generally I mute Christmas ads when they come on and remind myself very few people have a Christmas like that. That really helps. I avoid Christmas films too. In the run up I try to focus on things like what gifts I want to buy for friends that will make them really happy. I try and fill my house with fairy lights to emphasise the cosy feeling and buy myself presents for the actual day so I know I'm guaranteed something I really want. On the 26th I consider it all done with and throw myself into a project that helps me move on from all the festivities.

You definitely aren't alone at all. Give yourself permission to feel sad. It is sad. I doubt many people have a perfect set up in reality so if you can downplay it in your mind, that helps.

"It's hard to explain how bad I feel and it's not just Christmas obviously but it brings things into focus."

Yes, I feel for you. Is it going to be any use if people on here are around to chat to?