To tell my colleague to shove his opinion on birth up his a*se

[MiniMummy576]

I'm a bit peeved so excuse me if this is a little irrational.

Yesterday I asked my manager if he would be okay with me attending a antenatal relaxation/birth preparation class every Wednesday. Our company policy is that pregnant women are allowed to take paid time off for these things and antenatal appointments etc, but as he's new he just wanted to double check the policy before agreeing. No problem.

Today he comes over to my desk to tell me that he's checked the policy and it's fine for me to go. Then he starts 'joking' about how pregnancy is a skive as women get 'ALL this time off' for antenatal appointments and classes etc.
"You're only giving birth," he tells me.
I smiled politely and told him to have a go himself and get back to me. As he's chuckling and walking away, my male colleague then starts up on a rant about how women shouldn't have anything to say about giving birth because HE'S had kidney stones, he has them ALL THE TIME and they're FAR WORSE than giving birth. He knows this because his ex-wife had two children and yet she'd happily go back and do it again, but he'd NEVER want to have kidney stones again.
My manager looked a little awkward at this and off he went.
Then about 30 seconds later my colleague turns to me and says, "Well I think that was a little out of order."
"What?" I ask.
"'John' calling pregnancy a 'skive'. I think that's really out of order and a bit of an ignorant opinion."
I held my tongue but I really wanted to point out that he was a bit of an ignorant twat too.

Personally, I would attend MW appointments, scans and the like when those appoitments are available. I'd make them as convenient as possible, but they are when they are and I know that its an employment right that I can take them whenever I wish, but I would not make 'relaxation'/birth prep/yoga appointments for anything other than my own time out of work.

Those are 'nice to haves' and while beneficial to some are not essential.

To insist they are on a par with scans is taking the piss in my opinion, and I dare say in the opinion of most managers - male and female.

Women of child bearing age ARE discriminated against because of disruption that pregnancy and child birth brings SMEs and we would be idiotic to think otherwise. Employers are free to choose candidates they feel will serve them better in their career. While they can't openly specify preferences on race/religion/gender and they can't overtly select on those parameters, they will privately make choices about the best candidate for the job.

the more fluffy stuff we dress up as 'must haves', the more commercial schemes and 'traditions' we buy into as expectant mothers, the more we detract from the real healthcare related necessities and we will weaken our own position in the workplace.

It's not about putting up and shutting up, nor is it an erosion of our rights, but we'd be advised to remember that with freedom (and equality) comes responsibility.

^ what hissy said!

AdalindSchade Hissy
lol. I'll be sure to pass on your concerns to the aforementioned company, committees, executives and governing body.

In front of everyone , give him some sanitary pads and a congratulations card on behalf of his kidney stones to go along with the "joke"

I thought re antenatal appointments and time off we’re only dr/midwife ordered ones? EG scans, midwife appointments, consultant appointments = paid leave. NCT, relaxation classes, hypnobirthing classes aren’t HCP ordered= don’t have to grant leave?

Even if kidney stones are more painful than giving birth ranting that this means women should stop complaining is a gross way to express it. That makes it sexist. Women get kidney stones too and the existence of more painful conditions doesn't mean that labour isn't painful.

Littleraincloud lol - I might just have to do that. Along with one of those 'brave boy' stickers they give to kids after injections etc.

YouCantArgueWithStupid no, you're right. It's not part of the statutory 'maternity package' set out by the government. My employer just recognises the importance of the health (mental and physical) and wellbeing of their workers (not just the pregnant ones).

I'm not sure why anyone would assume that because they didn't experience pain beyond their ability to cope with it when they gave birth, that it would be the same for everyone else. It's going to vary massively from person to person; for me it varied massively from birth to birth. DS2's birth was genuinely pretty easy, never overwhelming, never more than I could manage, a total dream. DS3's birth was so painful I was howling and screaming, and totally and utterly lost control. Thinking back to the final half hour of that birth, if someone told me it can't have been that bad because kidney stones are worse, I don't know if I'd feel more like crying or headbutting them. And in the grand scheme of things I didn't have what people would call a particularly traumatic birth- it just really, really fucking hurt.