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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not want my brother and family to come for christmas

65 replies

Pinkyblue123 · 07/11/2017 19:22

My brother has invited him his wife and three kids to my house for Christmas. I know I’m at least his third choice as he originally planned to spend it with SIL’s family and then my other brother who lives abroad but due to the travel costs he has decided that it is too expensive. He lives a five hour drive away from me so if he came it would be for 4 days. I wouldn’t mind but my husband and I are not keen on SIL or how my brother has changed since being with her, she has can be really superior and is really lazy. She passes judgement about people drinking and as it’s Christmas and both my husband I will be having some hard earned time off work I don’t really want to A. Cook and clean up after 5 extra people (along with all the cost involved) plus have be on edge and feel we have to walk on eggshells so not to get snide comments from her. It is their turn to have my parents for Christmas and my SIL is not keen on my Dad so I think that the reason that they want to come to us is so they don’t have to host my parents and have a week long visit from them. This will mean that we will also have to have my parents which I am fine with but think it’s a bit unfair. Brother and SIL have all of Christmas off but my husband as to work between Xmas and NY so feel that the time we do have off will be really hard work. last year I did invite them as we had more time off and relationships were less strained then with SIL, they didn’t want to come then as said that they wanted a quiet Xmas at home. I feel that they expect everyone to jump when they want to go somewhere and know it is as they want to save money at the
moment as have just come back from and expensive holiday. AIBU to say no and how do I do it without causing offence?

OP posts:
MadMags · 08/11/2017 09:20

Another vote for Flouncy!

Pinkyblue123 · 08/11/2017 09:32

You’re right, no more Mrs People Pleaser! I’ve sent to email!

OP posts:
livefornaps · 08/11/2017 09:38

Oh good - phew! I got a bit worried reading your thread.

How did it go down? Hold firm!

expatinscotland · 08/11/2017 09:49

Don't back down! Stand up for your family.

blueskyinmarch · 08/11/2017 09:54

Well done! Let us know what the response is?

girlywhirly · 08/11/2017 10:10

You can remind DB and SIL that you and DH are just as entitled to have a year off hosting as they are, if there is any moaning, they had last Christmas off! If you feel particularly annoyed you could tell DB how rude it is to invite yourself to someone’s Christmas, even family.

I agree with PP that they just want to be waited on and not have any expense.

FuzzyCustard · 08/11/2017 19:12

Well done OP.
I suspect that the more you say no, the less people will try to put upon you, so you'll not only be improving your lot this year, but in the future too.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 08/11/2017 19:16

Well done OP - remember that they were quite happy to tell you last year that they wanted a quiet one at home, so they can hardly object if you choose to do the same this year.

KinkyAfro · 08/11/2017 19:28

Any news op?

Pinkyblue123 · 09/11/2017 13:20

After a lengthy wait for a reply he seems to have taken it OK. He has not mentioned if he will invite my parents or not, also has not come back with alternative date for a meet up, which makes me think that it was not about them wanting to see us, more like having the work and expense of Christmas off. I feel so glad that I didn’t agree to it, it would really have been difficult for me and my family.

OP posts:
Sweetpea55 · 09/11/2017 13:22

Well done OP.!!

Pouncival · 09/11/2017 16:49

empowering stuff OP!

FuzzyCustard · 09/11/2017 17:27

Well done pinky. Hopefully he'll think twice about trying it again in future too.

Iflyaway · 09/11/2017 17:57

I was put on the spot and was a bit taken back as was not expecting it. I didn’t commit either way, it was only after when I though about it that I felt pissed off about it, if I’d had the presence of mind at the time I should have said no straight away, but it is difficult as I don’t want to upset anyone

Oh god, this is me too. And I know it's because we are conditioned as women to take care of people/family....

Good luck OP. Just say the great Mumsnet line - Sorry, that doesn't work for me.

Every time we say it, in whatever situation, it makes us stronger in standing up for ourselves.

Pinkyblue123 · 10/11/2017 10:05

👍

OP posts:
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