AIBU to be annoyed with preschool teacher

[2boyz1girl]

Picked dd up from preschool today & I asked her teacher how is she getting on? She replied sharply "well she's only been back two days" (meaning after midterm break)...
I was a bit taken aback as she said to me before midterm that she felt 3 year old dd wasn't very sociable eg playing alongside others as opposed to actually playing with them.
I said oh as I spoke to you before the break, then she replied that dd was making more of an effort with the others, then she said sharply & quite loudly "is there something going on at home or something that's concerning you?"
Fuming here, only asked how my child was getting on ffs... Same teacher is much more cordial towards the other parents... Already raised issues with owner about another incident that annoyed me a few weeks back so now I just don't want to make another fuss, just a vent here & someone to let me know if I'm aibu or not!

I don't think you are being unreasonable! It is not a very professional way for the preschool teacher to act (and this would go whether she is having a bad day or whatever her age, experience or qualifications are).

The teacher is probably annoyed and sees you as "that parent"

I really, really hate the whole that parent crap.

To be honnest, we can't really judge her reaction unless we know

• what you complained about 2 weeks ago
• if you expect her to have a detailed discussion about your dd and how she settles in. Maybe each time she answered the "how as dd's day?" question you kept on asking more details and wanted to analyse it more.

She shouldn't be sharp but have no way to k ow if you are "that" mother

Hazeyjane, I guess you don't work with children and have never met that parent...

I also completely hate the term ‘that parent’, so popular on mumsnet. It’s just SO judgy.

But it can be an accurate description though!

Yes, I work with children, I have met all sorts of parent's and am also 100% certain I have been described as that parent

I really, really hate the whole that parent crap.

You are lucky you don't have to deal with those parents then!

And, yes, I know you can get those teachers as well, but I don't see that in this situation. I'm with bratsy's interpretation, mainly because I have dealt with many situations like this.

OP, judging by your replies, you don't see yourself as being unreasonable but just having a rant (which to be fair you do say in your OP) so therefore, I'm not really sure how helpful this thread is going to be. Half the posters will say YANBU and the other half will.

The problem is only you and the pre-school teacher know the full story and I would be very interested to hear her side...

Sorry - x-post hazyjane! I really don't understand, therefore, how you don't appreciate why that phrase is used then! (and the same goes with teachers and parents obviously)

I can well believe there are pushy parents, but sometimes the child needs them to be like that, as the recent bullying threads demonstrate.

OP the best advice I can give you is not to sweat the small stuff. If big things are happening like your child being bullied and it not being tackled, those are the times to make official complaints. When people complain about every small thing, they do end up getting negative reactions from the people they are complaining about. Some will argue on here that it should not be like that, but the reality is it often is.

So learn what to fight over, and what to simply do an inner eye roll over and forget.

I am commenting from seeing what my sister does. She is that parent and complains about every tiny thing that ever goes wrong in the school. And then she complains that the teachers do not seem overly friendly with her. It has achieved nothing, and actually means when there are real issues, they do not get taken as seriously as they should be.

as the recent bullying threads demonstrate.

A fair few of those recently have been found to come from PBPs/Trolls as they have been deleted....

Some yes, but the one that’s going on now certainly doesn’t appear to be. And I know from my own experience that teachers are not great at handling bullying.

Sorry, should have said they’re not necessarily good at handling it. Mustn’t generalise after all.

One of the things which surprised me most when joining the teaching staff of our primary is how much the teachers gossip about the parents. Eye rolling ect.

I honestly thought it wouldn't go on. Naive i guess.

Sorry, but I have time for all my parents.

'Is there something going on at home?'

You seem to take this as an intrusive question about your private life. A separation, redundancy, illness - something you wouldn't want to discuss in public.

But couldn't it simply be that dd's fine at pre-school so she wondered why you were asking the question. Perhaps she was behaving differently at home? Crying about something that happened during the day or not wanting to come in the mornings?

Pick up isn't the time to discuss anything in depth. Just for emergency questions about health issues like antibiotics or wet pants. Do you think she avoids general conversation with you because you're inclined to turn it into a lengthy discussion more suitable for an open day?

If the teacher felt she was too busy at that time, then she should have said, 'would you like to have more if a chat about it, step inside/call me tomorrow and we can arrange a time'.