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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed with preschool teacher

67 replies

2boyz1girl · 07/11/2017 12:59

Picked dd up from preschool today & I asked her teacher how is she getting on? She replied sharply "well she's only been back two days" (meaning after midterm break)...
I was a bit taken aback as she said to me before midterm that she felt 3 year old dd wasn't very sociable eg playing alongside others as opposed to actually playing with them.
I said oh as I spoke to you before the break, then she replied that dd was making more of an effort with the others, then she said sharply & quite loudly "is there something going on at home or something that's concerning you?"
Fuming here, only asked how my child was getting on ffs... Same teacher is much more cordial towards the other parents... Already raised issues with owner about another incident that annoyed me a few weeks back so now I just don't want to make another fuss, just a vent here & someone to let me know if I'm aibu or not!

OP posts:
Appuskidu · 08/11/2017 09:22

She would be highly qualified, I would guess mid 40's & has alot of EYS experience

It depends on what you mean by qualified?

She may well be qualified-she may have a degree and have done teacher training or she may have a level 2 or 3 in childcare.

Just because she's mid 40s, that doesn't really tell you anything. She could have started there last year, she could have been there for ages and have lots of experience but still not be highly qualified!

Sorry to split hairs Grin

brasty · 08/11/2017 09:23

Raising another complaint is not going to help. Try not to sweat the small stuff.

hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea · 08/11/2017 09:25

I8'd say her account would be quite different to yours. You seem rather overinvested in her "tone" and so on, which is , shall we say, subjective? I wonder what she would report your tone as?

What was the previous thing you complained about her for?

Appuskidu · 08/11/2017 09:27

Is she a qualified teacher? None of the staff in my DS's (outstanding) pre school were, so I was assuming maybe not. If she is, please ignore my previous post!

Appuskidu · 08/11/2017 09:29

Oh and if she finds it stressful. She's in the wrong job

I saw the GP last night-he seemed snappy at me when I asked a question and had an irritated, stressed tone. Do you think he's in the wrong job too if he finds it stressful?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 08/11/2017 09:38

Yes I do. If he can't handle patients asking questions.
I'm not taking back what I said. If she can't handle 'fussy parents'.She shouldn't be in the job

DanicaJones · 08/11/2017 09:48

Dh said to get used to it as once dd starts school there may be more teachers that we will have different rapports with
If you try to raise any issues directly with the teacher involved and as a polite question you'll be fine.

brasty · 08/11/2017 09:53

But asking questions is different from a rapport. Teachers are human. Some parents you may be polite to and answer their questions but have no real rapport. OP seems to want the teacher to like her and want to chat to her, not simply do her job.

becotide · 08/11/2017 09:56

You really don't have to put up woth this, change her preschool

Original poster
2boyz1girl · 08/11/2017 09:56

Bratsy it's not about her liking me, it's about being able to say "how did dd get on today" & not have her reply "She's only back 2 days, is there something going on at home you're concerned about???" in front of other parents who were also collecting!!!

OP posts:
brasty · 08/11/2017 10:00

It was only 2 days back though. So unlikely anything would have changed. I am sure she was asking if anything was going on at home because she was wondering if there was something else you wanted to talk to her about.
It just seems very ordinary conversation to me OP. I think you are blowing this up into something it is not.

longestlurkerever · 08/11/2017 10:02

Very surprised at the stick you're getting OP. I'd be really annoying if a teacher or members of nursery staff spoke to me like that in response to a casual query and the question she asked was highly inappropriate in that setting.

DanicaJones · 08/11/2017 10:07

Was talking about raising issues/complaints when at school without antagonising teachers brasty. That's what's led to this isn't it? The teacher sounds like she was a bit offended and rather than just being a bit cool with the op is now being a bit unprofessional in her behaviour

Nicknacky · 08/11/2017 10:11

But if you didn't like her asking that then why did you attempt to speak with her within hearing range of other parents? It's a valid question from her.

If you wanted to have a private conversation then make an arrangement for suitable time.

Original poster
2boyz1girl · 08/11/2017 10:18

It was general chit chat I was trying to make, most of the other parents/minder would generally ask how was he/she etc & she would respond they were painting, doing clay, music had lots of fun etc, not "she's only back 2 days, is there something going on at home you're concerned about!!!!

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 08/11/2017 10:21

I wouldn't worry about it then. Pick up isn't the time for general chit chat or issues of concern. You pick up and go. Certainly at my daughters pre school no way do they have time to catch up with 20+ parents/carers.

Added to the fact you had already complained about her probably makes her over sensitive that your interactions with be over analysed. Which you have done!

Willow2017 · 08/11/2017 10:48

Its not a valid question in front of other parents at all. Its a massive leap from "how was dd?" to "whats going on at home?" Op only asked how dd had been that day. If teacher can be civil to all the other parents then she should be civil to op too. All she had to say was "she has been fine today, painting or whatever with X."
If op had wanted to discuss Home life she wouldnt do it in front of all the other parents.

ProfessorCat · 08/11/2017 12:34

Pick up isn't the time for general chit chat or issues of concern

Huh? At pick up I expect general chit chat and concerns. What a bizarre thing to say.

Nicknacky · 08/11/2017 12:37

How is it bizarre? There is 20 odd kids in the room usually, don't most people have chit chat with their kids rather than the staff?

The staff don't have time to chat to all the parents.

brasty · 08/11/2017 12:52

Teacher did not ask what is going on at home. The teacher was asking if OP had any other concerns she wanted to discuss.

longestlurkerever · 08/11/2017 13:17

My dds have been to several nurseries between them. I've often said "did she have a good day?" or whatever... Sometimes they give me a little lowdown, sometimes it's more of a "yes she was fine" or whatever. The idea it's some sort of faux pas to exchange a couple of sentences with people who've been looking after your kids all day is a bit much.

longestlurkerever · 08/11/2017 13:18

brasty according to the OP she asked both

Willow2017 · 08/11/2017 13:23

Bratsy

then she said sharply & quite loudly "is there something going on at home?"

Which part of that isnt asking OP about home life?

You dont ask that in front of other people, doesnt matter how many childcare qualifications you have thats just common sense.

brasty · 08/11/2017 13:27

Willow That was not the whole sentence. She said is there something concerning you as well i.e. she was asking, what do you want? Why are you continuing to talk to me at a very busy time? Is there a reason, or do you want to just chit chat, which the teacher will not have enough time for.

Mittens1969 · 08/11/2017 13:34

I’m surprised at some of the unkind responses you’re getting on here, OP. I used to ask how my DDs got on each day, and got a brief answer. In fact, they normally gave me a summary of the day on handover, so I’m surprised she spoke like that to you.