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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are my dc too old to share a bed?

60 replies

NaiceToMeetYou · 07/11/2017 12:29

Dc are 7 and almost 5. They've never been good sleepers, ds1 only started sleeping through after starting reception and ds2 was still coming into us every night until a few months ago when they asked could they share.
They both sleep from 8pm til 7am now with no waking, it's bliss! My dm however told them at the weekend they're too old to share and should be in their own beds now.

Aibu letting them so that we all get a good night's sleep?

OP posts:
MyWhatICallNameChange · 07/11/2017 14:22

My twins shared a bed till they were nearly 11. They had their own beds, they'd just always slept together since birth. Or before they were born!

They'd also been on many Beaver/Cub/Scout camps and were quite happy to sleep alone (though I guess not alone as they shared tents with other kids)

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 07/11/2017 14:24

As long as the option is there for them to sleep separately when they need it or want it, it's fine. If they are that determined to sleep together, you won't stop them anyway.

MiriAmmerman · 07/11/2017 14:29

I don’t see a problem - separate beds are available, so they can change the situation anytime they want. Also, they are the same sex - really can’t see an issue.

Keep an eye out for one wanting to stop before the other (e.g DS1 suddenly developing a need for privacy as he matures before DS2) because that could cause arguments or hurt feelings, but I say while it works for all just go with it.

OhBeggerItsMorning · 07/11/2017 14:31

My mum has 10 siblings and they were brought up in a 3 bed council house, one bedroom for the parents, one for the girls and one for the boys - one double bed in each room. All the girls had to share a bed, all the boys had to share a bed, they only stopped sharing when they moved out or worked shifts and slept during the day instead.

We have 4 boys, they used to love sharing beds. The two teenagers chose to have separate bunks as they needed, but the 10 and 7 year olds still share a bed most of the time. The youngest has known nothing but sharing since he came out of the cot, it will be very difficult to get him to sleep on his own when the time comes, we are trying to work out ways to help him with this, but hopefully we have a little time before this happens.

YANBU letting them share if that is what works at the moment. It is not up to your mum, it is up to you.

MaidenMotherCrone · 07/11/2017 14:31

At that age it's fine but don't have an 8,12 and 14 year old in a double bed like my mother did.....it was shit!

Topseyt · 07/11/2017 14:38

If they are happy then leave them to it and tell your mother to wind her neck in.

Original poster
NaiceToMeetYou · 07/11/2017 14:40

I don't know what her problem is tbh, but then she's the type of person who thinks ds will catch gay off his pink sunglasses HmmGrin

OP posts:
WhyOhWine · 07/11/2017 14:51

My DDs are 13 and 14. They have their own rooms (and obviously beds) at home, but still often and happily share a bed on holiday and sometimes have "sleepovers" in each others rooms/beds at weekends and school hols. I dont see an issue if they are sleeping well.

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 07/11/2017 14:52

Let them share. My DD is 9 and DS is almost 6. They shared a room until about 3m ago, when DD decided she wanted her own room back. They had shared since DS was about 7m old, as DD wanted company in her room and they were both good sleepers.

DD is now lonely (!), and so we now have a situation where we have mattresses on the floor of our room and they will both usually pop in and sleep in our room during the night, around 2 or 3am. They don't wake us and it's a security blanket for them. I have no issues with it (DH and I are too knackered to be shagging as this time of night!). They won't be young for much longer so let them do what they need.

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 07/11/2017 14:55

I don't even see an issue with different sex siblings sharing if it's pre-puberty.

happiestcamper · 07/11/2017 17:09

My Ds and Dd sometimes share a bed and will regularly have sleepovers in each others bedrooms. They are 7 and 8. The pp who said not if same sex, why on earth not? They are siblings and most importantly children. What's the big deal

hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea · 07/11/2017 17:10

Does it matter how old they are? My MIL shared a bed with her two sisters until she was 22.
They are little kids. They can sleep anywhere!

Cockmagic · 07/11/2017 17:13

I think it's lovely that they share (dd is only child and would love this)

I shared with my cousin (male) until the age of around 10 at my nanas nothing untoward!

user1471596238 · 07/11/2017 17:17

Can't see an issue. In time they won't want to and they will tell you when. If I thought that mine could then I would definitely have no issue with it.

gateto · 07/11/2017 17:17

Oh FGS they are only babies really! If they sleep better sharing then hallelujah sleep is so important!

I'm sure at some point they'll decide not to, mostly because they are boys but I've known sisters who chose to share until they left home ha!

Do they share a double or a single? Perhaps the thought of them sharing a single is whats making your mum feel a bit bad for them. But as everyone else has said, they are just kids!

Original poster
NaiceToMeetYou · 07/11/2017 18:18

They share a single (top bunk). I'd love to get them a double but we wouldn't have anywhere to put their bunk beds for when they eventually decide to separate.

OP posts:
poooooooop · 08/11/2017 11:09

Me neither mrsarch my ds(8) & dd(4) share a bed most nights. MY bed!

It’s the only double and they have both bed shared with me from birth anyway. Yes I did have a 4yr old and a newborn in my bed!

They both have their own rooms and ds occasionally opts to sleep in there on his own. If he does this I have to lie with dd until she falls asleep. So I prefer for them to sleep together as it means I get an evening to myself!

I tend to just get in to one of the dc beds later on.

thecatsthecats · 08/11/2017 11:45

My sister and I shared bunk beds til I was nine and she was eleven, but we'd have 'sleepovers' all the time afterwards. It's fine.

Mamabear4180 · 08/11/2017 13:34

Aw.

That's all Smile

StubbleTurnips · 08/11/2017 14:21

DD (4) can not wait to share a bed with DS (1), they both get in with us at the moment. He sleeps much better next to her!

becotide · 08/11/2017 14:49

not an issue for the next 5 years at least

SunnyCoco · 08/11/2017 16:47

Sleep is so important! Why fix what isn’t broken.
It’s cute they want to be together.

As long as they have the option to sleep separately if and when they choose to. (Which it sounds like they do!) perfect

StealthPolarBear · 08/11/2017 17:09

Ds and dd shared till they were about 9and 7,and then chose separate bedrooms and beds. I started to worry about ds getting teased of his friends came but it wasn't an issue.
Most weekends they put their mattresses together on the floor of dds room (both have high sleepers now) and have a 'sleepover', it's lovely :o

VodkaPenne · 08/11/2017 17:41

Meh. Tell your mother to F off with her opinions.

My teenager shares a bed still sometimes. What does it matter?

Kaykee · 08/11/2017 20:04

Mine slept top to tail in the bottom bunk (neither would go upstairs) for a long time until it was getting tight space wise. At their dads their beds are next to each other they like to be able to see each other. Both boys 6&7 always shared a room or bed so think it’s lovely they like to be close nothing wrong with it at all. Think it’s more someone’s own issues if they find it odd or weird