Ignoring kids sometimes

[DaisyRaine90]

To think that ignoring my kids sometimes is actually good for them?

Eg. Letting them have (supervised) tummy time but not getting involved at all (the baby) or letting my daughter play on her own in her room for 1-2 hours at a time

Or having adult conversations and telling DD not to interrupt to tell me about her game because the adults are talking so to go “explore in the garden”

I do lots of activities with them but also sometimes just leave them to it.

AIBU to think this is good for them? Or is it just good for me as in selfish and taking a break?

I will sing rounds of twinkle twinkle and help with puzzles but sometimes I’m on the sofa with the phone and a coffee for a half hour or so in the day too.

I think it’s making them independent. Am I deluded?

I know can’t stand being around children with superiority complexes. Children should never feel like they are “in charge” of and can interrupt their parents. Of course what they have to say is important too, but they need to learn to wait their turn and that they are not in charge.

My kids are equal to me tbh, I'm certainly not superior or more important. As such if they interrupt they don't get told off, I check if it is urgent and if it isn't they wait for a suitable break in my conversation.

That isn't equal though. I would tell my DP off if he interrupted me in a conversation.

I managed to ignore my children. Four, pretty close together so there were times I was feeding a baby or seeing to a toddler when others had to be ignored, and they just got on with things. No mobile phones then and only limited children's TV, so I would sit and watch Playschool and Watch with Mother with them, and read to them when the babies were having a nap. But there was housework and cooking to do,so they had to play on their own.

Meh, I'm not sure it's particularly good for them- I think people tell themselves it is because they can't admit that they just want the dc to sod off and give them some peace for a few minutes. I doubt it's particularly bad for them, either, if it's not happening all the time, but it's a bit pathetic to pretend that it's all about character building and teaching them independence.

That’s what I was wondering if it was helpful, harmful or benign. I’m going to guess benign at worst but possibly character building and encouraging of independent play if done right.

sinceyouask I'm quite curious do you really not seeing the benefit in a child that can entertain themselves or not having to be occupied by someone else at all?

Do you not think that playing independently in a make believe world lets their imaginary run wild?

Or even simply being bored?

In the outside world, no one is going to give your child undivided attention or constant attention, so neither should you.
It's a fairly recent thing that children have to be entertained and played with constantly or have activities planned for them, and it probably holds their development back in certain areas.
I hate it when parents allow their children to constantly interrupt a conversation. It's rude.

I read a really interesting essay about ‘the art of being bored’.

It was pre-dc so hadn’t related it to this thread until now, but it’s so true! The essay was about how the state of being voted was essential to human development. That moment when you wail ‘but I’m booooor-ed!’ is a critical moment that everyone needs to experience in life... experience AND resolve ourselves. Being sent off to occupy yourselves teaches us self reliance and also forced us to be truly inventive to make something out of nothing. That brain leap into providing ourselves with absorbing ideas is incredibly important. It then went on to say that If we are constantly stimulated and never experience that moment of creation, we don’t learn to invent or to create beyond mere reproduction of what already exists. And it is those acts of ingenuity and invention that progress is beyond our existing environment and habits.

Basically, it argues that boredom is a key stage to the evolvution of the species. Not the only way we can evolve, but still, a critical state of being nonetheless.

Next time you’re turfing the kids out ignoring the whining about being bored, you could see it as Doing Your Duty For Humanity

Wish I could occupy myself as easily as the kids can 😂